Am I making a big mistake ???

[ANGELMOTHER]

Dd2 is now 10 days old and has slept every night in the bed with us so far, simply because it is easier to feed every 2 hrs this way rather than clamber across the room to the moses basket (no space to fit basket beside the bed).
We have a huge bed (6ft) so plenty of room and the duvet never reaches above our knees.
Truthfully I'm happy like this and she sleeps in her lie back chair or moses basket during the day, but I'm worried that maybe I'm making a rod for my own back in the future.
I know a lot of people will tell me I'm doing wrong in the first place but advice is appreciated...

Angelmother - if you and dd are happy then I think you are doing the right thing.

Thanks for that Northener, we are all happy like this just concerned we're doing the right thing. Unfortunately I do spend more time staring at her than sleeping

For goodness, sake - you're allowed!!! She's only 10 days old and it takes FAR longer than this (if ever) to get over that absolutely gorgeous feeling that she's all yours and YOU ACTUALLY MADE HER!!!!
Having said this, I would PERSONALLY say that the move to the Moses basket is a good idea at some point. Can't say when as this will be your own decision, but I think that eventually you might decide you would like to try to sleep a bit better, which you don't do if they're under your arm (in my opinion). Perhaps when the night feeds become less regular and she's sleeping a bit longer between feeds? You never know, you might even fancy dh/dp enough again one day to want some time alone with him???!!!
In our case, dd was in her moses next to the bed until 3 months then she went into her own room. But we were bottle feeding, so there wasn't the need to be as close, maybe. At the end of the day, it's up to you. Go with your instincts. It's VERY early days!

Agree. Do what feels right for you all. She's very tiny. I don't believe in all this 'rod for own back' mallarky. My ds changed totally all the time (still changing) so no habit lasts forever.

Thank you all for putting my mind at ease, I don't want this phase to end (apart from the sleep thing) so in the bed she stays.
I notice at night she wakes and sort of sniffs around her sensing we're there, then happily goes back to sleep.
I agree Aloha the rod for my own back is a phrase of my mothers, and not suitable when talking of a purfect and adorable 10 day old angel

Angelmother - I could have written the same post as you a few months ago! Although it felt so right having ds in bed with us, I felt it was something to feel guilty about etc etc.
Anyway found a brilliant book called Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson. it all made so much sense and gave me the confidence to say "yes, ds sleeps a lot of the time in our bed and it is right for us" She also wrote an article in yesterday's Guardian about the safety aspects of co-sleeping.
I think you should enjoy it if it feels right for you all.
I initially had ds in bed with me as I have a back problem, worsened during pregnancy, and found feeding lying down put no strain on it as it did sitting up. Invariably I would fall asleep feeding and rewake to feel ds happily feeding again some hours later.
Whatever your decision, do it because its right for you not out of guilt.

Sorry, I should have added that ds also slept in a moses basket, now in a cot for all daytime naps and a proportion of the night. Nowadays he just comes into us if its the middle of the night and he's woken up and very unsettled. In my opinion there is nothing better than waking in the morning with your little one smiling next to you and gurgling (its got to be better than dh's smelly breath )

Angelmother - can you imagine a better start for your baby having come from the womb to feel so secure. We had dd in the bed with us until 8 weeks and I'm convinced that it taught her gently the difference between night and day. Also feeding lying down and then falling asleep still cuddled uop is such a priviledge. Can you tell that I approve. She's 5 months now and we've had our fair share of sleeping issues but who hasn't. She now goes down in the cot without a mumour. Enjoy her while she's little!

Yes it's probably a good idea for your dd to spend some time in the moses basket - maybe if she sleeps longer in the morning and you want a shower etc

My

no you are not doing anything wrong, you are providing happy, gorgeous, warm space for your daughter - she is very very young.

they are only small for such a short time - go with it

If it feels right and your bed is big enough you just carry on doing it. If it starts not to suit you can always change it, for instance when you all stop wanting to go to bed at the same time you could start her off in her cot and then pull her in for a first feed and leave her in with you. As she has already proved she can sleep alone in her moses basket I think you can stop worrying about the "rod for your own back" thing and get on with enjoying bringing up your baby your way. You can cheerfully tell any interfering people that she sleeps well in her moses basket, because she does!

If you are happy and your baby is happy (and your DH/DP) then no problems at all, so long as you follow all the normal 'sleping' rules.

My DD slept with us at the start too as she hated the rocking crib we had borrowed so much. We did get a bedside cot - we had room for it - and used that. After a while she choose to sleep in her own cot on her own and, to be honest, I felt a bit sad

Enjoyt it!

If I didn't smoke I would have my little one in bed with me. I don't think you can spoil a little baby not until they are a bit older anyway.

we had our DD (now 22 months) in our bed every night for the first three months. She wanted feeding every two hours. Then she slept in a cot in our room until she was 11 months, when we moved the cot to her room. We had no trouble settling her into her own room, she cried for 5 minutes and then went straight to sleep. And she's been a great sleeper ever since.
I'm glad we had her in our bed - we both enjoyed having her there. However, I don't think I would do it again as I couldn't sleep very well knowing she was right next to me - I kept waking up to check her. And to be honest, I wonder now how she didn't get dangerously overheated. I tried to keep the quilt down off her but it would come up again. And once I woke because she was frantically kicking me, I found the quilt up over her head, so she must have been suffocating. Very scary. I was often quite relieved to get up in the morning - it did scare me that something terrible would happen.

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I read somewhere (recently) that breastfeeding mothers who have their baby in bed with them instinctively adopt a sleeping position that 'frames' the child and protects them. Also that these mums wake more easily if the baby is disturbed than bottlefeeding mums, or dads. Both of ours slept their first 10days/2 weeks in our bed and it was a blissfully close and affectionate time for us, particularly for dh (once he got over his anxiety about squashing the babe) who naturally gets less physical closeness to a newborn.

Enjoy it, and when you're ready then move her into her own cot/basket. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing either...just whatever feels good. (And I'm more of a Gina Forder than an Attachment Parentinger!)

Both my ds's slept with us. In fact, the cot was totally redundant with ds2 - he really hated it! Ds1 was with us on and off until after his brother was born - 4 and a bit years. Ds2 still climbs in at about 5am everyday for a cuddle - he's 6 and a half. It's very special and was the best way I could get any sleep. They never had sleep problems because they were with us. So, I never did feel that sleep deprived really. Lots of people wouldn't do it for as long as we did - and that's OK, each to their own - but DON'T feel guilty about it!! I also read Deborah Jackson's 'Three In A Bed', and it just expressed all my own gut feelings. When ds2 was born, the midwife told me to tuck him into bed with me, if he didn't settle during his first night, which was a relief, because I had been wondering how I was going to mange it, without a lecture.

I've got four daughters aged 11, 9, five and one and they all slept in our bed for their first one to two years, thereafter coming in for half the night or for the last couple of hours before dawn until around the time they started school. It wouldn't suit everyone but it was absolutely the right decision for us: in fact with my youngest child, now 19 months, I found I actually couldn't sleep with her in a cot (we were away from home and she'd just ended up in one somehow). It maximises the benefits of breast feeding, and it means you simply don't have disturbed nights: in nearly 12 years of parenting I don't think we've had more than five, and they've been when someone was ill.

There is no point taking anyone's advice too seriously as each family and each child is different.

We didn't get first DS out of our bed until he was 14 months old. He didn't sleep through unitl he was 25 months old and we were in a zombie haze of sleep deprivation for 18 months.
Was that because our child was always going to have bad sleeping habits or get disturbed easliy or was it because he shared a bet with us? Who cansay they are all different.
Now we have second DS who is 5 weeks old we have resolved to do things very differently (getting him in his own cot before 6 months, doing things to encourage good sleeping habits etc etc) but truth is he is the most blissful snuggly creature and I love to clutch him all night long and it will be me who has difficulty letting him go ... so bear that in mind.

Basically our mistake was not getting first DS in to cot before disruptive sleeping habits set in. So go for it while they are tiny and get all those super benefits but set a date to let your baby fly solo - it really does benefit you all in the end.

All 3 of my children slept in the bed with us and I think its great. Unfortunately my 5 yo and 3 yo still appear in our room during the night and want to sleep with one of us. My 2 yo quite happily sleeps in her own bed though.

We don't notice the musical beds during the night, we all tend to wake up somewhere different than where we went to sleep, but no one seems to know how they got there.

I think you should do whatever makes you happy and not worry about what other people think. Having my little babies next to me, certainly made me happy, it also stopped me jumping out of bed every 5 minutes to check they were still breathing!

My ds has just turned 1 yo and is still in bed with me. Stopped bf 1 month ago and he's not for shifting. DH is in the spare room with dd who is 3 yo. She has slept on and off in her own cot and then bed from about 6 months. When dh is not about like now (he's in florida for a week's golf!!) she sleeps on her own. I know when she starts school we'll be talked about!! I totally loved sleeping with both my babies and know eventually they will sleep on their own. However, dh says he's staying the spare room when they do and he gets more of the duvet!!

Co-sleeping really worked for us. Ds1 was the baby from hell and I read the deb.Jacson book and it made sense to me. He left our bed aged 4, 2 nights after ds2 was born (of his own accord-didnt liuke the noise!). When I was pregnant with dd, had to buy a king size bed as couldnt fit me,DH,18mth ds and bump in the bed. Now all go to bed in their own beds, dd comes into us 6/7 nights about midnight, ds2 4/7 nights by 2am (he sleeps lengthways at the bottom). Dh sometimes moans about being kicked in the back (not by me!) but has never been bothered enough to go to the spare room. We dont have broken nights but you do need to be a bit more creative about sex- still at 10days post partum, prob not the first thing that comes to mind.

We have slept with our children on and off and have never had a problem moving them over to their own beds when we have felt ready. If co-sleeping works for you, I think it's a wonderful thing for both parent and child. As long as you get some much-needed sleep, that's the most important thing (especially in those early days!).

It is SO refreshing to hear of so many people who are happily co-sleeping. I did feel I was doing something that was frowned upon, but after reading Deborah Jackson's book, I happily tell people and don't think that I'm doing something wrong.(except dear mother still thinks we shouldn't be doing it, but I'm past caring what she thinks!)
Have to agree with suzywong, you don't know if their sleeping habits would be different if you put them in a cot or with you. DD was a terrible sleeper, but I refused to have her in bed with me as I was determined to do everything by the book.
Who knows if ds would have been the same. As it is in our bed I'm not at all sure how much he wakes in the night as he just doesn't disturb me.
He's a very cuddly baby who loves being close and I think the fact he can smell me and hear me breathing helps him sleep.

Personally I couldnt think of anything worse! I like time to myself at night and in the evening.

I read some more eveidence against this on ?Mon

Jojo, how could you not have disturbed nights? Did your babies not feed at night??? You truly are a fortunate woman.
Angelmother, my ds slept with me in hospital and when I got home for the first couple of months or so (it's hard to remember and it was only two years ago!), because he simply wouldn't sleep in his moses basket. Then I put him straight in his big cot at the end of our bed and he didn't even seem to notice the change!. For me it was no more hassle to reach over and lift him out than it was to wake up, sit up (he'd never feed lying down) and feed him for bl**dy hours. It was the being woken up from deep sleep every hour or so that was hell for me - not the movement to get the baby! Of course, as I said before, you must do what is right for you.