controlled crying: day 3

[MsStrawberry]

I'm into day 3 of doing controlled crying with my 9 month old, and last night he fell asleep without even crying but woke for a little cry during the night, but tonight i have put him down and he has been screaming for nearly 20mins, it is so upsetting and I am on my own, my partner is at work. Why is he crying tonight when he didn't last night? Thought we were making progress? I know it can take a lot longer but i thought we were getting somewhere, i can't stand listening to him cry..

No, he doesn't need a feed every hour. Does he self-settle at bedtime? Once ds could do that then he could get himself back to sleep in the night, and we only offered water and a dummy if he did wake.

We put him down when he is asleep. He can self settle but that's only in his car seat! At night he won't settle without a feed. It's just driving me crazy as it's been this way for over a month and I can't function anymore

I'd work on getting his into his cot awake and falling asleep on his own. CC wasn't for me but patting him to sleep and then some pu/pd worked.

mine is about the same age. Rita is right, he does not need a feed every hour. could it be teeth. Have you tried giving him Calpol with his dream feed?
We normally give him a bottle before we put him to bed (7 ish), then a dream feed (11ish) and then he goes through till 6/6.30.
I also agree that you should have a go at letting him self settle in the evening. Having said that, I'd tackle one issue at a time.

Yes jubbilicious we decided to go in at intervals of 5, 10, 15, then 20 minutes. But we never actually got past 15mins without him falling asleep. Sometimes he fell asleep after just 5 or 10. At each interval one of us goes in and strokes his head or his back and say 'shhh..' a few times just to reassure him that we are there and everything is ok.
At the time it feels horrible [the crying] especially if you are on your own, but it's over pretty quick and then i personally just felt amazed that my DS actually fell asleep on his own, and slightly relieved - mainly because i worried that he was going to cry all night but that was not the case at all.
When you see an improvement you know its oall worth it, and we saw one straight away really.

At nap times we stick to the same rules with the intervals and everything, you have to really, consistency is the key thing to get this to work. Our Ds has a nap everyday around mid morning which usually lasts a couple of hours. He hasn't cried longer than 10mins when going down for his nap, somethimes hasn't cried at all.

As for the night feeds - our DS has always been a hungry baby and up until recently was having nightfeeds, i believed the main reason he was waking was due to hunger. But after working with my HV and doing a food and drink diary for him for 2wks, my HV showed me that he consumed more than enough calories during the day and he didn't actually need the nightfeeds at all, he was just having them out of habit. Once I realised this i began gradually reducing his nightfeeds until they were gone and it wasn't hard at all he actually dealt with it really well. So i would say, as long as you're sure your baby is eating enough during the day, maybe check with your HV first, but why not try cutting out the night feeds before you start CC. That's what i did, as soon as i realised he can actually get throught the night without a feed then there was no reason he couldn't sleep through the night. So once he got used to there being no more night feeds, thats when i decided to go for it.

Now that i'm doing it and seeing results [ he went down tonight without so much as a whimper, and im confident he will sleep through again, fingers crossed] - i only wish i did it earlier. I think 7 and a half months is a good age to do it, my HV said its the perfect time developmentally, but it took me abit longer to have the strength to do it. My son was ready - but i wasn't.

So, I say go for it. As long as you feel confident that if you start it you will see it through, if you're unsure about it then build up to it gradually like I did, reduce the nightfeeds, up the daytime calories by giving him a supper, i tried giving him some baby rice right before bed on my HV's advice and that seemed to work well. Make sure your bedtime routine is solid and consistant and try not to pick him up or feed him everytime he cries at night or get him in your bed [- all mistakes i made for a long time]. Get support from your partner or family or friends, i honestly find it so much easier to cope when my partner is here with me.
Good luck x

I did think it was due to teething, but I've been saying that for a while! I have tried giving him calpol and Ashtons teething powder but it doesn't seem to make a difference in how he sleeps.

CC isn't something I thought I would ever say I would want to try, but I am feeling the effects of not sleeping. I also have ME and so far have coped with the lack of sleep ok, but now it's getting too much for me. DH does help but he is away on business often.

Thanks MsStrawberry for your advice on CC. DH is back home tomorrow and have asked to bring some wine to help calm the nerves lol

That's ok. If CC isn't something you want to do then don't feel you have to do it you could try the gradual withdrawal techniques, that's much gentler and doesn't involve any crying. If you think it's teething pain then just keep giving him teething gel or something and see how things go for abit but try not to feed him everytime he wakes because this becomes a very hard habit to break, trust me. Try and help him learn to settle in other ways, even if it takes abit longer at first it's worth it when it starts to work. The most important thing he has to learn is how to self setlle, then he will have the skills he needs to sleep through, because if anything disturbs him such as teething pain, wind, or just being cold or losing his dummy, then he will be able to just fall back to sleep on his own, which is a brilliant thing for him but it's good for you too because then you can get your rest. Sleep deprivation is so hard, but the only way to improve your situation is to do something even if its just something small, but do it consistantly and it will work.
How do you settle him at bedtime?

He normally falls asleep with us rocking him. And he wakes during the night I feed him back to sleep. All bad habits I know!

I have tried giving him water or using his dummy. The water doesn't work as he chews at the bottle and cries. His dummy does help but as soon as it falls out he wakes up! He also has started moving in his cot and end up at the top of his cot which I think wakes him up.

I did up his calorie intake, and he has three meals a day. But that doesn't help either!

Sounds almost exactly the same as my DS, i know what you are going through!
I used to rock him to sleep and then feed him when he woke. He did the same when we gave him water and loses his dummy alot which wakes him too and wriggles around in his cot into very funny positions!
Yes they are bad habits to get into but nevermind we do it with the best intentions at the time! I was worse i let him sleep in with me for a long time!
I can only speak from my own personal experience, we tried many things but i don't think we stuck to them long enough for them to work really. But CC works straight away it really does. It took me such a long time to come round to the idea of doing it i really didnt want to at first, but now im glad im doing it.
I put my son in his cot tonight after his bottle and he just went straight to sleep, something i never thought was possible before! And i still can't believe he slept through, he used to wake all the time! But he has the skills to do it now, all learned in 2 or 3 nights.
If u want to see fast results you should think about doing it.
But if you don't mind things taking a litlle longer why not try putting him down when he is almost asleep, but not quite asleep, try doing it for a good few nights maybe even a week or 2 he will get the message, then when he's used to that u can start putting him down awake and stroking him or shushing him to sleep, again do this until it starts to work, eventually you should move your chair away from the cot so he can still see you and he should learn to fall asleep with you there, then you can start to move the chair further and further away until you can sit outside the door and he will settle knowing you're there, then after that you will just be able to put him down and leave the room and he will fall asleep. It just takes a lot longer. But he shouldn't wake in the night at all once he has learned how to fall asleep on his own that's all he needs to know and they learn quick really.

Thanks so much MsStrawberry. We are going to try this weekend, so I'll let you know how it goes!

Great good luck!

My DS slept through again last night! So i know that the night before wasn't just a one off, it's really worked, he's sleeping hooray! So happy

MsStrawberry It's great, well done!
CC is not that bad after all, is it?

So we started our first day of CC last night. DS cried for 15 minutes and it was heartbreaking. He then slept from 7.30 to 7am! And no night feeds!! I couldn't believe it!

I did cc with my ds when he was 10 months he is now 2.5 years besy thing i ever done his great at going to bed now of course have the occasional night if hos poorly or something

Wow jubbilicious that's brilliant! So glad it went so well for you, amazing!

I'm amazed. I didn't think it would work especially since he woke so often during the night. But yesterday he slept again from 7.30 to 6.30! And he napped properly through the day. Thank you so much for your help!

I'm so pleased that cc worked for you. I did it with ds1 when he was 5.5 months old for daytime naps. He slept thru at night from 5 weeks (!) but daytime naps were always on me. At the time it really did feel like he'll but he sleeps like n angel now at 3.8 years old. Ds2 is 4 months and not too bad at sleeping but does need help to settle, I will definitely be using cc in the near future and it's great to hear it working for you guys. Keep us updated!

I tried it only for a couple of mins and my DD got so hysterical that she threw up all over herself and her cot. This was when she was about a year old (now 19 months cosleeping). Any suggestions? She still wakes up frequently although sometimes lasts til 4 am in her own cot if we're lucky.

:) msstrawberry, just wanted to give you a bit of moral support, your're being a great mum especially dealing with PND. we too, like so many, are struggling with sleep issues! ds is now 1yr (though 14 and half actual due to prem birth) and we started cc around about the time he finally hit the 8-9kg mark at about 10 months actual. Its worked really well to give him a good going to bed routine...I cant say its worked out through the night yet! we are about to try cc through the night that now he really is big enough/not refluxy not to need any night feeds. But what I would advocate is that the cc is accompanied by an almost militarily timed (though NOT delivered like a mad sargent!!!!!) pre bed routine. I have found his best overall response to bedtimes was the 90mins prior when everything from teatime to play to bath to quiet time was almost to the minute....super calm baby...hey, might work? Its not going to work every night or for ever but I think when I feel in control of the decisions/plan and I am calm and determined about what I am doing ds picks up on the vibes and is happier. BGB (big gentle boss I call it!) good luck and be kind to yourself....I dont (think) I have/had PND, have only one dc, have a great dh, have not changed the world in his first year, have stalled on my self employed career and defo havent gained a first in parenthood but non of that matters...I am alive, he's alive and has decent percentage of giggly smiling time so hey...;)