Am I being cruel?

[acnebride]

God, I need help right now. DS is 22 months and since he was 18 months and in a big bed, has refused to go to sleep alone. We went along with this for a while but I find that, staying with him, I fall asleep too and end up without much of an evening. So we're trying to get him to sleep alone at bedtime by just putting him back every time he gets up. He gets into a real state and it's hell at the moment. Should i be nicer? He does fall asleep pretty happily if one of us is with him.

stick with it - he'll get the hint could take a couple of days....- then HE will be happier (because he'll sleep better) and you'll be happier because you'll have your evenings back.

Oh tell me about this one, I still have to sit with my 3.5 year old, he will not go to sleep on his own but cannot do the controlled crying as his sister shares his room. Trouble is if we wakes through the night he shouts for me to lay with him and it drives me nuts!!!!

Sorry no good advice as I am in the same boat as you!!!

We're doing the exact same thing with ds who's much older (2.8). It does get easier. We're still not at the point where he'll stay the whole night without trying to come into his room, but he's not crying nearly as much. So eventually we'll get there!

I meant into OUR room not his room!

Oh blimey! It's v comforting to know I'm not alone but maybe I should leave it for a year or so. God I don't think I can bear to. He's gone off now - after dh went in and sat with him. Sigh.

KYG that's v interesting. Thank you. That's got to be worth a try.

OK, it's been two weeks now and he's still getting up in the night. We are so tired! We intercept before he gets as far as our bed and sometimes even before he comes in the room, just putting him back in his own bed, sometimes twice, three times in one night. He doesn't always cry. HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE TO WORK... he's 2.8 by the way.

Sorry for repetition.

much sympathy as I have EXACTLY the same with my three year old son. He was always a brilliant sleeper, sleeping through - though he used to holler when put down of an evening, NEVER liked being left. If you go the the mumsnet homepage, there's a link to a webchat with gina ford where she describes a really gentle sounding way to change this that I'm going to try (perhaps we can let eachother know). I'll tell you the gist in case you can't find the link:
You never sit on his bed, but sit beside him (holding hand if necessary). When he's used to this, after however many days you feel, you then say you must pop to the loo - go out, re-assure him you're coming back when out of the room, and go back within a minute. Then gradually increase the length of time you're out of the room; the idea being one fine day, junior will just happen to fall asleep alone!.The idea is I think that once the evening settling is sorted, the night time wanderings out should stop because the principle of settling alone has been learned.

Must admit I get a bit downhearted because my son has learned and re-learned this but he has a bug or something and it all goes again, and is so hard to get back. I'm knackered, regularly up four times a night. let me know how you go.

ooh more posts!

we've taken a step back and are doing something like the gina ford idea you described. instead of leaving him alone to sleep, after nightclothes, milk, story, lullaby and kiss we sit on the bed rather than lie on it with him. So I won't fall asleep (probably!). Sounds like the next stage is to move to a chair off the bed. It's not so bad if there is a prospect of improvement, although it sounds like we shouldn't ever be sure we've cracked it... will we still be doing this when he leaves home??

He's actually OK when left to fall asleep (I tell him I'm going to the loo or just to talk to dh for a minute and he usually dozes off then.) He still gets up in the night though, 5 or 6 hours later! Really annoying. He's not even napping in the daytime anymore!