Controlled crying, advice please?

[emma87]

Ok i know lots of people dont agree with it, but after months of deliberation over this and many discussions with my health visitor plus lots of research, me and my partner have decided, as a last resort - having tried everything else, to do controlled crying with our son, starting tonight.
Our son is nearly nine months old and has never slept through the night.

Does anyone have any advice for us, preferably anyone who's done controlled crying themselves? It would be much appreciated as we really don't know what to expect or how we're going to get through it.
Thanks in advance for any help..

Have to disagree with seeker. Sleeping through does benefit baby, especially if everyone sleeps badly with 3 in a bed. Not enough sleep is as bad for baby as it is for Mum, so if cc is the best &quickest way to get good sleep, then do it.

If you think you can't cope, either get another person on board or set a deadline - I'll do cc on x date if he doesn't sleep. During the 5 min breaks, get as far from the crying as possible & log on here to mumsnet!

"Not enough sleep is as bad for baby as it is for Mum"

Is it? Any evidence for this?

Yes there is evidence for this, it is covered in the Wikipedia sleep entry.

Anything more specific? Yes of cours extreme sleep deprivation is bad, but generally, babies do sleep - just not at the time theri parents want them to.

Seeker - my dd1 woke every 3 hrs in the night and barely napped in the day - and not because I wasn't trying to give her every chance to sleep. She was a grouchy, difficult baby. Once we allowed her to cry a bit and she slept more at night, she became happier and slept better in the day too.

I know this is one anecdote but there are relevant refs to scientific papers in wiessbluth. I don't have the book right now so can't type them in for you.

Controlled crying or crying it out can be psychologically damaging for babies. The research is on the Internet. Read the Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff.

Basically, a baby will exhaust itself crying, then give up when it's main caregiver doesn't arrive. This is it's instinctive way of keeping itself safe from predators by keeping quiet.

I know it's hard. I am having the same problem with my ds who is 14mo. But it doesn't last forever. Cosleeping helps us, we all manage to get a good nights sleep.

Good luck

Wiessbluth believes that it's OK for a baby of 6 months to cry for an hour before anyone goes to comfort her. And calls his sleep training programme "the extinction method"

No right thinking person could possibly agree with that!

I think you have to do what is right for you and your baby.

A friend of mine has used CC with her DD. She used to sleep at 2am and wake very hour. As a result, my friend became frustrated, exhausted and short tempered with her DD. I can only imagine how hard it was for her.

On the advice of her HV, she tried CC. Her DD now sleeps from 8-7am with no wakings. She is now a happier, more productive mother.

So, maybe, CC is done to help the mother, but that isn't a bad thing. We can't be critical of those who try CC, as many mothers do it as a last resort.

I have already disagreed with Seeker and someone else on another thread on the matter and I am not going to re-argue. However, someone posted this article www.isabelagranic.com/bed-timing/2009/06/what-are-the-longterm-outcomes-of-letting-your-baby-cry-while-sleeptraining.html which I thought was well balanced.
FWIW all children in family have gone through some sort of CC and none of us seem to affected in any way. And yes, this may be anecdotal.
OP, I would not let people who say that CC is traumatic/damaging/will jeopardise your DC chances to ever study medicine go against what you feel is right for you and something that has been done by zillions around the world.

I study medicine - and according to my mum she left me to cry it out at 18 months when she became pregnant with my db and wanted to give up breastfeeding. As she used to feed me to sleep and I wouldn't take her bottle it was only thing that would work. I don't remember it and don't feel traumatised. I do however suffer from occassional depression, but this depression is common on my dad's side of the family anyway. My mother never has had depression, and according to her mum she used to leave her to cry a lot younger in her pram outside in the "fresh air". Again anecdotal but take what you will from it...

Great link DialM. Thanks.