Help! Have I got things really wrong? Advice needed please

[Mamadel600]

Bit of a long message yet really need help and advice. Please do read the whole message even though it's a bit long. I've underlined the questions I need answers for at the bottom. Note: Breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping. Have used the week numbers as a guideline for you. My DS is 12 weeks and up until week 9 he was fine ? feeding every 2and half ? 3 hours for about 30 minutes each time. He would usually fall asleep quite late as we didn?t impose a bedtime and wanted to see what his pattern was like. He tended to fit in quite happily around us and has been quite a chilled out baby most of the time. He only seems to cry when he needs something. He used to fall asleep during the day without any help and would sometimes feed to sleep at night. His ?night? feeds were pretty much 2.30am and 5.30am. Only on 2 occasions with a later night feed did he sleep through till 5.30 but I don?t wake him to feed him if he?s sleeping. I have not tried dream-feeding.

At week 9 he and I both caught the virus that was going around ? the one with cold symptoms and a windy tummy. Poor DS ? as he couldn?t blow all the mucus out his nose he ended up swallowing it and getting a very bad tummy and the only way it was coming out was when he sicked it up or pooed it out. He strained a lot at this time. Didn?t seem to be suffering though when sicking up milk As he started to recover (about week 10) he needed to feed more frequently throughout the day ? every 2 hours roughly - and wasn?t sleeping at all during the day so we had an overtired baby about 6.30pm and it took ages and a lot of patience to deal with crying bouts and soothe him. I think he just wanted to be held a lot more ? he is happiest when I or DH are walking around and bouncing him a little which also helps the mucus come out.

At week 10 his feeding behaviour changed (and he was also becoming more active). DS started to play around on my nipple and wave his arms around or kick his legs. He stopped falling asleep at the breast and gots quite grumpy at bedtime even if DH and I went to bed at the same time. He was only feeding about 5-10 minutes each time.

Last Friday he reached 12 weeks and I didn?t move from the sofa all day, pretty much, because all he needed/ wanted was feed, sleep, feed, sleep. I think he needed a mad feeding frenzy though as he was calmer on Saturday (although I was exhausted!). He also wouldn?t go to his F for whatever reason and would not settle unless I held him.

Now, he?s feeding every 2 and half ? 3 hours again but he?s playing around on the nipple and pulling off really hard or it feels like he?s gumming down really hard. Since Friday, he?s only gone to sleep at night if I?ve taken him upstairs and cuddled him (usually fed as well). He seems to be at the breast more often for comfort ? he?ll feed for about 20 minutes now but stay longer on the breast doing what I think is comfort suckling or playing.

So I?m a bit confused as to whether I should worry. If he needs the extra comfort have I been doing something wrong and missed his cues elsewhere? We had started putting him in his cot after falling asleep on us downstairs and as soon as he?d wake I?d take him into bed to feed him and he?d generally stay with us if I was too tired to get up again. It is much easier to have him in the bed and he was quite happy with that arrangement. Was it too early to try the cot?

Has anyone else experienced this type of behaviour? Might he still be unwell?

Ok my first piece of advice would be stop going round in circles trying to find a reason for everything / something to blame yourself for. Babies are unpredictable, they change constantly and certainly as far as I can see you've done nothing wrong.

Have you / would you try a dummy? It might help with the confort sucking - I hate them but its the only thing that helped dd when she suffered reflux! Fwiw both my kids started being fussy when feeding at around 9 weeks - I think its because they're more easily distracted and in our case their reflux (wh can be silent) was at a peak.

Is he having plenty wet / dirty nappies? Is he quite bright and alert? No fever? Have you tried saline drops to clear the mucus?

You could try asking your hvis for advice...

thanks for your reply. He rejects the dummy a lot of the time - only really accepts it from DH. plenty of wet dirty nappies and very alert. no fever. yes to saline spray which helps. hvis not that helpful to be honest. they seem a bit confused that his pattern has changed 'significantly' as they put it, probably why I worry. I know babies' patterns change and he's not suffering - has good weight gain and is very interactive with people.

I don't think he's changed so much that I need to worry, just wondering how long it would last for or what the next stage would be - I like to be prepared for things if possible!

It's been a while since I was at this stage but I was wondering if perhaps the problem might be, especially since he seems to be feeding enough, that he is starting to want to find out more about the World rather than just eating and sleeping. Pick the time when he is most alert. I used to sit talking with mine even when they were tiny. I thought my Mum was being ridiculous when she suggested getting out the baby toys and floor play time at this stage, but she was right. If all else fails a long walk with the pram to look at all the flowers and shadows the trees makes might give you both a break. DH is a great fan of teaching babies as many rude noises as possible and baby aerobics.

thanks for your reply. We do get out and about and also play at home; have been talking to him since tiny and he has been responding. Before week 10 (ish) he was happy to play for around 45 mins on his mat on his own kicking the dangling things and now he's just started to find his arms. It's weird that now he will fuss and cry when I play with him or try to get him to play longer than a few minutes with his toys and just fuss so much that out of all the distractions I've tried he's got used to saying yes to a feed or sleeping too much. But he's otherwise happy and healthy. DH does the rude noises and baby aerobics with him, which he loves, better than I can due to bad back and knees.

howabout What if I just carry on trying to play with him/ get him to play a little longer when he's fussing during the day? I just always think that if he's crying so much then what I'm doing isn't resolving the problem, so why carry on upsetting him?

2nd part of reply - howabout thanks for your advice on when he is alert. I'll take it on board

Sounds like you are doing just fine. DS just going through a cantakerous phase which he'll grow out of? My MIL always blames teething in these circumstances!