[gulp] going to try and get ds's sleep sorted out... any comments/advice?

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ds will be 6mo next week. He is happy, sunny, smily, delightful but NOT a good sleeper. Our set-up so far has been to get him ready for bed in the evening but basically go with his sleep and waking patterns - put him down in the Moses basket (which he still fits into) in the living room and take him to bed with us (co-sleeping) when we go. I sort of thought he would find his own rhythm and start going to sleep earlier/longer by himself, but his bedtime is still very late. He will sleep for a while a couple of times in the day, e.g. in the pram or after a big feed (excl bf on demand, no immediate plans to wean). I'm still feeding a couple of times at night, but that doesn't bother me - what I do think, though, is that he might need some help establishing some sort of day-night rhythm and difference. So this is the plan:
After we've got him ready for bed in the ecvening and let him play with a cloth book/read him a story for a bit, and fed him if he is hungry, we'll put him in his cot in the bedroom (lit by night light) with a lullaby - whether he's asleep or not. We'll then be next door in the living room. If he cries we'll come and hold/comfort/feed him, maybe bring him back into the living room briefly, but as soon as he's calm back he goes into his cot. When we come to bed we'll bring him into our bed as per usual unless he's sleeping soundly.
All I really want to do at this stage is encourage some sense of day/night and 'bedtime' in him, as I think we might have neglected that - he does seem generally fine on the sleep he's getting now, but that might not last forever.
Any suggestions/comments?

thanks MT
problem re night light is that I need one - had a bit of a traumatic time a few years ago and have never been able to sleep in darkness since!
The light is actually behind and below his cot, so he can't see it, just the glow.
We rarely have noise in the evenings (no TV [saintly emoticon])

I wouldnt take him back to the living room either.

Once the bedtime routine is started you have to be tough!!

I used to do
Bath at 6pm
Story and change for bed by 6.45pm
Bottle and bed by 7pm

I would also try and keep him in his own cot. I found that by 6m both my boys needed more room and a bigger cot and they slept much better. I BF ds2 til 9 months as well didnt worry about feeding in the night. If he is being weaned as well now, he shouldnt need as many feeds in the night. HTH

You sound in a very similar situation to me when dd/ds were small.

We co-slept/co-sleep with both of them and they had a similar rhythm to your ds. We didn't really bother doing much until they were 1 though so not much help...sorry!

The only thing I would say though is only do what feels comfortable to you - I had lots of well meaning 'advice' and caused upset to myself and dd by feeling pressured into following it when I should have just gone with the flow and accepted that we were happy as we were.

thanks collision - we're not weaning quite yet, he doesn't seem ready somehow. He will often go to sleep very well after bf so I'm aiming to feed just before putting down.

clayhead

But collision, what about if co-sleeping works for you and you want to do it?

you do have to make it boring tho and not be too friendly as they will want to play etc and grin. It sounds mean but I didnt give any eyecontact in the night and that way they couldnt engage in any chat!!

Both my boys sleep from 7pm-7.30am now and they are 3.7 and 1.

And I feel I should add that, at 2 and 3 they happily go off to sleep at 7 after bath & stories, they just needed a while longer to get to that point!!

Then do it Clayhead! I wasnt trying to say not to just that IME my DH and I slept better when the babies werent with us.

I agree that a routine is what they need at this age and the darkened quiet room should indicate that it's night time so that means sleep time.

Does co-sleeping work for you? I found that whenever I rolled over I woke dd up or lay there listening to her breathe.....

collision - that'll be the hard thing, he is soooooo grinny and communicative. We already have a 'no active play after ready for bed' rule - i.e. we'll cuddle him etc. and let him play with his toys, but we won't do any games with him - exactly so it's not as interesting as in the day.

Sorry, collision, that was not written in direct response to your post, just wanted to give hope that co-sleepers can turn into good little sleepers on their own.

i dont usually get involved in co-sleeping issues as it gets heated etc but what is the big deal about co-sleeping and why would you want to do it?

It is just a question and not a dig at anyone.

I like my sleep and the thought of a squirmy child kicking my ribs does not fill me with joy!

Lucycat, co-sleeping works for us because of the feeds (makes them easier) and because he seems reassured by my/our presence so sleeps better. I will wake up a lot with him (especially since he's atrted rolling onto his tummy - I'll wake up and turn him onto his back and he'll go straight back onto his side...) but only briefly, and it actually reassures me to be next to him so that I can turn him back over.
btw, is sleeping on his side OK at his age? I won't let him stay on his tummy, but he really really prefers his side and 9 times out of 10 will roll onto it again after being turned over. We don't smoke, take care not to overheat and I check he can breathe freely.

The distinction between night and day sleep is important. My LO sleeps in his cot for both but in the day I have the curtains half drawn so he naps in the light...I'm a stickler for routine (doesn't work for everyone I know) and so Arthur has 3 x 1.5hr naps a day and at 6:45pm we start bedtime routine which is laying on change table for 15 minutes with nappy off (he loves this) and it saps his last bit of energy, then daddy does bathtime whilst I get his pj's and bottle ready, then we turn down the lights in his room and he gets a nice warm dark hug nad quiet time with either one of us for 5 minutes, then its bottle and swaddle and bed. He goes to bed with his eyes at half mast and takes himself off to sleep. He sleeps from 7:30pm through til 5am at the moment (he's 8 weeks old) quick hug or bottle at 5am and back to bed until 7:30am.

Its important to make sure they get enough good deep sleep in the day to foster good sleeping habits all round. So I do the same wind down routine at bed time as at nap time and he knows whats expected of him. I know it sounds harsh to some people but it works for us and he's a happy kid just as any....

My only other suggestion is a dummy - again not everyone agrees - but when he wakes up in the night (rarely) I go and pop his dummy in and he can sooth himself back to sleep if he hasn't already.

Thats my suggestions for what its worth...

Justine
x

No big deal, it's just what works for us.

In the same way you don't like it, I do.

6ft bed helps

Exactly Clayhead - thats the main thing - you gotta do what works for you!! Advice from others may be well meaning but if it doesnt feel right then dont do it!!

I totally agree with you both and a 6ft bed would be GREAT!! (esp without kids )

Update - well, last night wasn't the most successful start - he was awake until gone 11 .

Can you cut his sleep in the day? I dont let mine sleep past 4pm if that helps.

Once a baby is physically able to roll over and choose their own sleeping postion, it's fine to let them - even if its on their tummy!

Thanks collision and cheekygirl!
Sleepy update - not much success so far! He screams if put down in the cot and left there! I think I might have to go in there with him in the evenings and help him settle - just spend the time where he doesn't need active attention chilling and reading - so he knows I'm around and gradually gets used to it. (He's out for the count now - prob is I can't sleep as I'm too wound up and thinking generally about our sleeping situation - to co-sleep or not to co-sleep - aaarrghh!).