toddler getting into our bed at night - the 'advice' doesn't seem to work!

[driedapricots]

Hi

Our 3.5 yr old DD has been waking 1-3 times a night for the last 3 months or so..she comes into our room (anytime between 12-5am, never before and she goes to bed at 8pm) gets into bed has a little cuddle and then i say right back to bed now and off she goes. i thought it was just a 'little phase' but it's really starting to p** me off now!! also have 10m DS so could do without double disruptions in the night when really she's old enough to know better!! anyway, the point is if i try to do the steps as outlined by supernanny and the like she just goes absolutely mad and i have to forcibly hold her in her room or she'll just run into ours...it's all very well saying "just take them back to bed, no eye contact, etc etc" but i seriously think i'll be there all night in a battle of wits with her as she just will not give in. i've even tried taking her comforter off her but of course that just escalates the situation. please help!!!

Firstly, stop taking her comforter off her. That's not fair & won't help AT ALL!

Secondly she is not even 4 yet, and yet you feel she is 'old enough to know better'! My eldest is almost 8, and if she wakes she like sot come & get a cuddle & be taken back to bed. And yes, she does know better, because I tell her each night she does it, but is there anything wrong with a child coming to find mum/dad for a little reassurance, cuddle & a tuck up?

My youngest, almost 3 climbs into bed with us quite often. I sleep quite easily with her there & it is easier than battling it out at 3am to get her to stay in her bed!

I am wondering how much of it is insecurity. She has a new brother who demands a lot of your time & attention. This may be her way of getting some for herself.

Go easier on her, don't remove her comforter (who suggested that?). She will get the message, and she won't be in your bed forever!

Also, you might find that by welcoming her into your bed in the short term, stops the frequent waking & also puts a stop to the problem. I know that dd certainly decreased her night wakings when I softened on her being in out bed.

It cuts out the frequency of her waking during the night & it is now few & far between. This only happened when I stopped forcing her back into her bed each time.

It works for us, might not for all, but us getting sleep was/is more important than fighting for her to stay in her bed.

thanks, i know it sounds like i am being harsh on her but up until last night i was in the same camp as you...don't make a big deal out of it, it's a phase that'll pass. but she used to be a great little sleeper and now this happens every single night (although interestingly not when she stays at her nana's... )
i can't sleep with her in the bed as she fidgets etc etc. It means i am getting only an hour or two sleep at anytime through the night, and with 5am being the start of the day for her little brother i need all the sleep i can get in order to get thro each day. i do think when a situation is resulting in everyone being cranky the next day it might be best to try and change things.....but i accept taking her comforter is a bad thing and i wont do that again!
she also has wierd 'must haves' for bed..i guess this is normal for a 3yr old..for instance once i put a towel on top of her duvet when she was feeling sick, now she has to have the towel every night...??!!

my lot do this from time to time. and then they stop

really, she is only a small child, does it really hurt to comfort her in the night and then take her back to bed?

you said in the original post

"gets into bed has a little cuddle and then i say right back to bed now and off she goes."

so it's what? a few minuts max? not like it's hours and hours

i know..it's the disruption though and then i can't get back to sleep as am waiting for the next disruption to come! anyhow, i guess the view is i am being selfish and should just ride it out.... ok then ;-)

Poor you. No advice as my toddler who is 2 Wakes sometimes for a quick cuddle and goes back to sleep (but is in a cot) and I am due baby 2 in a couple if months and am dreading the double wakings!

Sure there are some gentle steps you can take tho I can't advise what.

Bit of bribery? Some nice golden rules based on lots of rewards? Sure positive managmentvwould be easier and nicer to implement for all.

Good luck and feel v much for you!

Thx dycey ...off to bed now for another fun filled night!

You are not being selfish, apricots! I don't think anyone meant that!

It is hard tho, but it doesn't last. You need to get into it without properly waking up, which will help you deal with it!

What about rewards from a sleep fairy? Have heard this can work really well at this age. You could reward every morning or give sparkly stickers each night that add to a present...

Does she have a night light and isn't too hot etc?