Helping an overtired 2yo to wind down in the evening

[Ktay]

DD has just turned 2 and I've had problems getting her off to sleep in the evening for the last year or so (she is fine for others but DH is away 4 evenings a week so can rarely help). It is worse than ever now - I will put her in her cot after bath/milk/books and she will bugger around chatting and fidgeting for absolutely ages before drifting off (last night it took 1.5h) and she expects me to stroke her back throughout.

I'm sure some of this is down to overtiredness as she is an early riser and on the nights where I start bath etc. a bit earlier things tend to go more smoothly. But this isn't always possible as I'm not back from work until about 6pm 3 days a week. So we're in a horrible cycle of her getting to sleep later and later while being increasingly irritable in the mornings.

I've had some half-hearted attempts at gradual withdrawal but she tends to cry as soon as she realises I can't stroke her back. I don't mind the stroking if it's clear she's drifting off but after about half an hour of her usual shenanigans I tend to lose patience and we descend into tears on both sides, which obviously doesn't help!

If anyone has any bright ideas on how I can improve the situation I would be very grateful. (We went through a good patch where I could leave the room on spurious pretexts and she'd drift off, but she's wise to that one now...)

DD very similar, can take anything up to 3 hours to get to sleep. Had to stop bathing at night as this was actually stimulating her rather than making her sleepy.

DD also likes to have her hair stroked, I do this for a few minutes and then tell her that if she's really good and go to sleep I will come back and stroke it some more.

Also it is one of her rewards on sticker chart to go to sleep without fuss.

Hope any of this helps?

3 hours? Poor you! (I hope this isn't the shape of things to come for us...)

Thanks for your tips. How old is your DD? I wonder whether mine is too little for a sticker chart (what do you reckon?) but I do give her lots of praise the morning after she's gone off well or slept past 6am. She enjoys this but sadly it doesn't seem to have a knock-on effect on the next evening...

I have wondered about skipping bathtime too but have been clinging on as it's supposed to be a traditional sleep-inducer... How often do you bathe your DD? I'd struggle to squeeze morning baths in on my three consecutive work days.

Once I've started the stroking I seem to be in it for the long haul sadly - DD will start crying even if I tell her I'm just going to get myself a glass of water.

She is 4 now but isn't as bad now, it was really when she was 2 and her brain was always working overtime.

Started with the sticker chart about 3 I think, yours probably too young? Maybe try it just before bedtime and put a sticker on her pj's to remind her she slept nicely the night before?

Unless there is a particular reason to bath her I only bath twice a week as gp said overbathing was a bad idea for her skin as it can get quite dry. I bathe her in the mornings before breakfast and wind down at night by dimming lights after 6 and doing something quiet like a jigsaw and then reading at bed at stroking hair.

If it's any consolation she is probably going to turn out to be really bright as girls especially in our family that are really bright all seem to have problems with sleeping. My DD only seems to take on average between half and three quarters of an hour now and will happily just chat to her dolls in bed.

It's the breaking of the routine of her crying and you come running that you need to concentrate on I think? Maybe try letting her cry for a few minutes longer each night and not making eye contact or speaking when you return just saying shhhush, sitting on the floor for a few minutes moving away a little every night, I did this after seeing it on tv and it did seem to stop the demanding cry. It took about 2 weeks I seem to remember. Stressful but worth it if it works?

I know its hard I really can sympathise but you are obviously a great mom for trying to do the best for her.

Good luck

Thanks for the extra tips and moral support. I like your theory about her being bright but I guess only time will tell on that front! (I think she is but this is mainly based on maternal bias )