4 week old baby doesn't sleep!

[JenniferR]

Hi there

I'm really struggling at the moment. My 4 week old baby (she was delivered 2 weeks early) doesn't really sleep. She maybe sleeps for 2/3hrs during the day and then if I'm lucky 4 broken hours at night.
During the day she will only sleep in a baby sling and is not happy in her moses basket at all.

At night she will usually sleep from about 10pm-1am ish in her basket but after that she only seems happy in bed with me (I follow La Leche guidance on safe sleeping bed).
I've tried letting her 'cry it out' but after 20mins of this I think that it's cruel to do this to such a young baby.
I did try following a feeding/sleep routine which she settled into (except for the night) for the frist 2 weeks but now is not following any routine etc. I basically feed her when I think she's hungry and then hope that sleep will come.
I'm worried that this lack of sleep may be damaging her and am also worried that by putting her in a sling and letting her sleep in my bed I am going to creat bad sleeping habits.
Any tips or help anyone can give me would be great as I am finding this very, very hard.
Jx

Ok, try and chill. 4 weeks in TINY. She has not figured out that there are no tigers coming to get here when she sleeps alone. All her instincts are telling her to be close to you. You should definitely not let her cry it out at this age, even people who are fans of this approach wait until at least six months. And she is far too young for a routine, she does not know the difference between night and day yet! Your best bet is to continue to feed on demand. You can't create bad habits at this age - sling and co-sleeping are fine! Let her take her day naps in the sling and get out for some fresh air in teh afternoon - this will help teach her teh differnce between day and night.

Just continue doing what you are doing - she will start to longer stretches at night soon - six weeks is a turning point for a lot of people.

And congratulations on your new baby!

Hi Zimm
Thank you for getting back to me. I appreciate your advice and reassurance.Jx

Have you tried swaddling?

Everything Zimm said!
She's so tiny. I know when you're exhausted it's hard to keep it in perspective but it will pass. I promise!
I remember with ds1 I was constantly on the sleep forum and someone once said "even if you do nothing, IT WILL PASS" and she was right! I did nothing but tried to trust my instincts and keep my little boy close, co-slept, fed on demand and he taught himself to sleep for longer stretches at a time.

Ds2 is now 4 months and this time I'm trying to ignore all the 'should be' thoughts and comments and just go with the flow. He still wakes frequently through the night but I pop him on the boob and we both go back to sleep :)

Hi K999

Yes, she just kicks out of it. I've managed to get her stay in if I half swaddle her so her arms are free. She seems to prefer that :) Jx

My DD was the same and still is to an extent. Babies need to be close to their mums, it's instinct. We may be used to the modern world but they're not. They shouldn't be expected to have any sort of routine/sleep through the night for at least the first few months. My DD (9 weeks) has only just started settling in to a routine, where she will go to sleep around 8-9pm, sleep until 1-2am, have a feed and if i'm lucky will sleep from around 3 until 5ish. Then she'll nap on and off in the day, she still hates the moses basket and sleeps longer when i'm holding her. She'll then have a longer nap at around 5pm then what I do is bath her and feed her around 7-8 so that she's ready for bed. This is completely her own routine. When she wakes up I keep lights and noise low, teach her that at night it's sleep time, not play time. She's learning slowly and it does take a lot of patience. I've been exactly where you are now and it was only a few weeks ago, that's how quickly they progress although it seems like forever when it's happening.

If all else fails try the Robopax - a platform that rocks back and forth to soothe the baby. (I have the moses basket on it for her daytime naps) It's pretty good and possibly still on offer :) from £80 to £40. The movement is constant and tends to settle her back to sleep if she wakes up briefly.

Just feed her when she wants, carry her in a sling and let her sleep in your bed! All totally normal, natural ways to care for a tiny baby :)

Not heard of the dreamrocker and wishing it was around 14 years ago when i needed it.
So being nosy I googled it and it is £37.00 on Amazon atm.

There we go, Amazon may have saved the day! Try it, it does work for us and if it works for you £37.00 is a small price to pay.

Thanks everyone for your kind messages- I am def going to head to Amazon and find the Robopax!

Good to know that you've been there. My baby (Lottie) is falling into a similar routine to your baby theillustratedmum. Except for today, she's been up since AM and just won't sleep! She's also fed about 7 times today already.

I've just put her in her basket and intend to go and lie down myself after this post! There have been a few cries coming from the bedroom but I think that at this point she's so tired she may just nod off for a couple of hours until is all begins again ;)

Agree with everyone else, feed her when she wants to feed, let her sleep on or near you and carry her in a sling.

My last 3 babies were all like this and they grow out of it eventually. 4 weeks is tiny, just keep her close and enjoy cuddling up to her and do whatever it takes to get you through the day.

I posted a thread about cosleeping with DD1 years ago as everyone in RL was scaring me with talk of routines and never getting them out you bed, also rolling over and suffocating them. MN soon put me right we coslept for 15 wonderful months, she went into a cot and her own room fine as did her 2 sisters and brother after her.

We are programmed in this country to think that the mark of a wonderful mother is to have a baby who sleeps all through the night from the minute they come home from hospital, feeds every 4 hours during the day and goes back to sleep straight away but babies are just not like this.

Sweetkitty - I agree, even most HV's think they should be like that! It's just not the way babies are!
Co-sleeping is a very natural thing aswell, and I did it every night for two-three weeks when she was born because she needed me and it was the only way either of us got any sleep. I do it now and then when she doesn't settle and i'm knackered, but prefer her in her cot because it gives me and my partner some time together which I think is important. :)

JenniferR - It's good that you're seeing some kind of routine this early, that's very lucky, I expect if she's been up since the morning she'll sleep well now/later. My DD (Fushia) has been unusually sleepy today so dreading tonight, but there we go, you win some, you lose some. :)

Here's what I did. Lay a towl on your bed and sleep on it for a night (impregnating it with your smell.) Then fold the towl over (long edges together) and roll roll both ends together making two fat sausages. Now turn the whole thing over and put it in the crib so it looks like two sausages with a hammock in the middle. Place little one between the sausaces, making sure that her head is well above the sauseages. It shouldnt unroll because the baby's weight is keeping it in place. Having something touching her body both sides, especially something that smells of mum will comfort her. Even a moses basket is enormous to a tiddler who has been in a tight place for 9 months.
I used this method in the moses basket when she was tiny and then when she moved into the cot. Good luck

Girls!!
What a godsend you are!! I have been pulling my hair with my 8weeks old baby boy! He seems happy to sleep on my chest being held for hours during day but at night he won't sleep very well!
I have started to set a routine for him (8pm bath, feed, bed), but he feeds but won't sleep! Keeps the blinkers open till 9.30pm and then starts to sleep (sometimes even while being fed) but as soon as put into his moses basket, he is up again and won't settle. Sometimes I give up and place him on my chest at bed and he drops off immediately (don't worry about dropping him, I am used to sleeping on my tummy yet never even moved when he sleeps on me or with me, as if my body knew!), but wakes up at 1am for feeding (which only now start to last shorter and shorter time) and then drops off to sleep again till 3 or 4, then again till 6 or 7 am. I was worried about the routine and was worried if my was good enough, but your comments assured me not to worry and just let him work his own routine..Thank you as I was worried I am a bad mother for cuddling my baby all the time, him sleeping with me and not having a strict routine from the start!! :) Good luck to all of you and I agree - enjoy your baby as long as you can!!! I'd rather have a baby who sleeps with me till 12 months but feels safe, secure and loved, than a HV being happy that I put my baby to bed at 6pm and he stays there till 8am on his own, worried and frightened :(

apprenticemum - I've been doing this for weeks now as I didn't think she liked lying flat. She does sleep better but still prefers me and personally think she'll always be like that!

Lennie82 - To be honest, being a first time mum I thought I had an unusually clingy baby, but I keep seeing more and more mums with babies who are exactly the same. It's nice to know i'm not alone!

theillustratedmum - ah, thank you, what a relief, because I do love having my baby close to me (hopefully he will stop by the age of 12,lol) and holding him all the time..Thanks again!!!