Oh what the bloody hell would you do?

[latrucha]

I feel this is a complicated story, so I'm going to give the summary first: We have DD who is 3.5 and DS who is 10 months. We have a two bedroom house. DS has only slept two nights well in months, and that was when he was in a room on his own. DD is lonely alone in her room.

Untl recently, DD was (ostensibly) sleeping on her own in her room. DS was sleeping (ostensibly) in his cot in our room. DH in our room, me on the sofa (My father died recently, and I needed some sleep). DS does not feed in the night. DD gets very nervous and is at the 'I'm scared' three-year old stage and does not want to be alone.

What actually happened was, DD and DS went to bed in their respective cots, woke as soon as DH went to bed, all got into bed with him and all of them slept horribly badly every night. DH sustained this until DS started trying to kamikazee dive off the bed, at which point he had to leave on a business trip and I was left to my own devices.

About an hour in, I realised I just couldn't manage. I did CC with DS which very short-lived and fine. I slept on the floor in DD's room. We slept reasonably well that week. Two nights DS slept straight through.

I couldn't sleep on the floor forever, so we decided to have both DCs sleep in DDs room. DD is very pleased, DS seems to love it and now refuses to go to bed without her. We are four nights in.

I have been going in to settle DS and make sure DD is ok while he settles. She's been doing great. He is waking alot, and permanently very early. He just doesn't seem to be able to cope with the noise of another person in the room.

I am knackered and have had very little sleep. I have spent large portions of the last three nights sleeping wedged into about a 40cm gap between their beds. I stayed in the room so that DD wouldn't stat getting nervous and getting out of bed and generally starting the whole musical beds shennanigans again.

Two positive things from last night are that his wakings were much shorter and DD slept through them. He did wake every two hours and was up at 5am for the day. He will settle without being suckled, although he isusually fed to sleep, or damn near it at bedtime (I'd started to settle him in his cot but they now insist on goin gto bed together and I've not yet worked out how or had the courage to do it)

Do you think this will work ultimately (i.e both DCs staying in their beds and not waking more than once or twice) or is DS just not going to get used to sleeping with someone else, or is he just too young to do without a parent's comfort at night? We cannot co-sleep with him any longer, he's just too strong, independent, headstrong and mobile.

Thanks for reading!

Wow, this is a complicated story! I thought I would reply as no one else has, although I don't know if i'll be much help!

So i've gathered that your DS likes going to bed at the same time as your DD, but can't sleep through the night unless he's on his own?

I personally think he will get used to it - with my DD we tend not to creep around when she's asleep, and she now sleeps through anything, did you do the same with your DS?
I think in your situation (god knows what the long term affects would be, i'm the kind of person who "crosses that bridge when I come to it") I would have DD in my bedroom and DS in DD's room. That way DD wouldn't be scared and DS could sleep properly?

Or is it that they both need you, and DS likes to have you both there to fall asleep, but when he is asleep keeps getting woken up by the fact there are other people there?
In that case, i'd settle them both in either DD's room, then move DD to my room, or the other way around.

Either way they will grow out of it, try and find a way to show your DD there is nothing to be scared of, show her round the room, how normal it all is and that nothing changes at night. Give her pleasant things to think about before she goes to sleep, or one of your tops to cuddle, anything you think will help. DS needs to learn how to cope with noises around him, otherwise he'll always be a light sleeper. Another thing is, could he be having a growth spurt and is just extra hungry at the moment?
You could just do what you're doing, eventually he'll get used to it, as babies learn and adapt all the time.
Anyway, good luck with it all, I really hope you get it sorted.

No advice but watching with interest as I have a non-sleeping 8mo in my room but who will have to share a room with her nearly 4yo sister soon.

If your ds will definately sleep all night on his own I'd let your dd come into your room for the night

Thanks for replying - though am doing lunch so can't properly reply now.

Ladyinthe radiator - I warn you, if you do that you'll slep but have a seriously grumpy DH.

Update later!

CarGirl - it is Plan B but I don't think she would ever leave.

Theillustratedmum - I think you're correct about him having to learn to sleep through noises. The idea of a t'shirt, too I think is good.

I don't think it is develpomental, as it's been goin on for months.

I might best reply to everyone (particulalry those who are waiting to move their babies into the same room) by saying what has happened!

We've done 6 nights now of them being in the same room. The night after I posted, I think, I realised that he was waking every two hours, which is newborn behaviour, IMO. I tried sleeping in the room all the time, hoping that if he saw me he'd settle without crying, or not much, but to no avail.

So, the night before last, on the first waking that he didn't immediately settle, I did controlled crying. It was quite difficult the first night, awake between just and less than an hour. I stayed in the room out of his sight though so DD knew I was there and din't freak. The second night was last night. It was ahrder and I found it quite upsetting, but on the plus side, his first waking at all was at 3am and also that DD snored all the way through it. I think tonight I won't stay in the same room if I feel DD is ok because the time when he did go to sleep last night was when I had gone for a quick lie down in my room in despair. He fell asleep almost immediately.

I only had to do CC one time each night. Then he slept until DD got up.

I'm not over the moon about the CC, but sleep is improving. They love going to bed at the same time. He won't settle without her, even if he is dog tired he will fight to stay awake until bedtime story, so bedtime is usually quicler than otherwise, and very cute. DD seems reassured, he seems rested and happy (although daytime nap is now very short).

I'm apprehensive about tonight. I'll let you know how it goes!