2yr old trouble settling to sleep

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My DS is nearly 2.5 and has always been a bit difficult to settle before bed time. Last week it got excessive - he continually calls us back into his room for more cuddles. We have a long, set bedtime routine including reading time, bath time, stories in bed and kisses and cuddles goodnight, but he will ask for more and more. Each time we leave the room he screams and works himself up into a state. We find the longer we leave him to cry it out, the worse he gets and often that results in an unsettled sleep for him and he wakes in the night.

One night last week - amidst him asking for more cuddles and my DH trying to leave his room - he asked him if he'd rather sleep in a big boy's bed and he said yes, stopped crying and went straight to sleep. We thought that might break the cycle but unfortunately we still have the same drama every night - it has made little difference.

I know that giving in to him perpetuates the cycle of him crying and asking for more cuddles, but he gets so worked up. Each night we start off nice and soothing, and then tell him sternly it's bedtime, then walk out (he gets more worked up). Eventually he tires himself out and the last cuddle is the last cuddle. It feels like a power game that then gets emotional. I don't want to make his bedtime any later (it's normally 7/7.30). We've tried a night light, leaving the door ajar etc. etc. I think as it's light out that makes it harder for him. He has a black out blind but the light still shines through...I also have a 13 wk old who is much easier to settle these days. I don't think it's a reaction to her arrival as we had the same problem before she arrived too.

Sorry to go on. Anyone else had a similar experience? Any suggestions? It's so sad to have him crying and upset when we've had a lovely day and a gorgeous bed time hour. It really tries our patience. I don't know how to stop this happening every night...Thanks in advance!

How about trying an approach where rather than leaving him to cry it out you do controlled crying? So say goodnight and leave him for 2 mins, then 5, 10 and 15 min intervals? When you go back in to see him it is to reassure him you are there but you don't talk to him or cuddle him (from what i've read). We have had to do this with our dd who is a similar age because she wanted us to sit with her, then sit and rub her back, hold her hand etc while she went to sleep. Bedtime was taking over an hour for her to go to sleep and then she was waking through out the night. The first night she cried for 35 mins and second for 45mins and next night settled with no crying, and no waking in the night.
However, if you are not comfortavble with that how about gradual retreat? So first 3 nights sit with him until he goes to sleep, then move a little bit further away from him for next 3 nights etc until you are outside the door. Takes longer for it to work but involves less crying.
I recommend that whatever you do you are consistent as if sometimes he gets cuddles when he cries out and sometimes he doesn't then it will be confusing. I'd try to choose an approach and stick to it. The other thing is that they do seem to go through phases so he will prob just grow out of it!
I'm not an expert on sleep but have read lots of books and these are just ideas taken out of them! Good luck!

Dd was also a pest (and still is given a chance ) to settle in so ,uch as she would spin it out forever given a chance. Baby's arrival may also be making him more unsettled . What about some night toys? Dd has a couple of noisy or touchy books , a nit torch (with princesses on [hmmm] thanks grandma but you can get them with Thomas etc and even ones that have photos on). Dd seems to be better when knows dons have to sleep but can settle in her own time (which she usually does pretty quickly). If she does cry (which did when went cold turkey and not just cuddling) we took tele addicts approach .

Sorry saw your comment re baby - I agre that can be just the way of child as dd same and (sadly) no baby here

Should be night torch

Thank you for your comments - very useful. I agree we need more consistency with our approach. I also ensured that today he had a short nap earlier in the day. I think his long late naps may also make it harder for him to settle as he's not that tired at 7pm. Fingers crossed for a better night tonight. Thanks for your pointers!

Long naps definitely a no no (or too short) as dd will mess about for hours or tantrum for team gb if over tired. It's strict 3 stories 3 songs then lights out with her torch - but she will do anything to prolong . Good luck

I am trying the gradual withdrawal approach with my 2.3 year old. Hard not to get drawn into conversation or constant verbal reassurance but I am planning on retreating to outside his room and remaining in ear shot. If trapped in a cot it seems a bit tough to be in total silence - but then again he isn't good at being alone or playing alone.