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9 days old will only sleep when held

15 replies

lucielooo · 27/04/2011 18:08

What should I do?? I need to get some sleep! It doesn't feel safe having baby sleep on DP or I and we only have a double so would rather not have him in our bed incase he gets squashed.. We have a 3 sided bedside cot but he wont settle in it... any tips??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 18:13

Can you and DS sleep in your bed while DH sleeps on the settee? Unless you are a smoker or drink alcohol he will be fine in your bed.

Do you have a bassinet or buggy? You could try raising one end of it a bit so he's no so flat, that might help.

If not PM me your address and I'll gladly come and cuddle him while you get some sleep!

lucielooo · 27/04/2011 19:40

Thanks chippingin DP sleeping on sofa might work as an emergency solution (though after c-section I need his help to move the baby sometimes if I end up in an awkward position) but need to come up with a solution for the longer term.

DS doesn't settle in the pram either.. Fed him well and then took him out in the pram for a bit and he didn't settle, whereas if he's held after a feed he'll sleep for quite a while.

What can I try to get him to actually go down in the crib? I'm already worrying about tonight, it ends up that I try and stay awake as long as possible holding him, until I give up and he sleeps on DP or in between us but don't feel happy with either. DS also feeds almost constantly for a period of about six hours in the night usually ending at dawn..

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Snarfle · 27/04/2011 21:28

This sounds just like my ds (nine weeks old now). We coslept until last week. My ds slept in our bed with dh. We arranged the pillows so it was safe and neither of us drink or smoke. It was however, uncomfortable for us both to sleep this way (ds slept really well like this!) but we both needed some sleep and this was the only way we were going to get it. We tried all of the old tricks (warm the moses basket with a hot water bottle, put one of my tops in there, shush pat etc) but nothing worked. Last week we bought a three sided cot from Ikea, put him in a gro bag and so far (touch wood) this seems to be working. We feed him at bedtime in the dark and the quiet and then we have to put arm around him for a little while but can remove it once he falls asleep. He wakes up when his dummy falls out and sometimes he needs a proper cuddle to settle him again but it is much better this way as we have got our bed back to oursleves so are sleeping much better!

We still have not solved the through the day issue where he won't sleep without being held. He HATES his moses basket and we have tried to get him in there. So I am buying an ergo to make my life easier. He will sometimes sleep in his pram so I will always try to start him off in there and then revert to the ergo if needs be. I am also going to try and staret putting him in his cot bed throufh the day (but I am not expectying this to work).

Sorry this has probably not been much help but you are defo not alone in having a dc that wants a lot of affection and can't fall asleep on their own. They have been nice and snuggly inside us for 9 months and it must be scary for them. Givelots of cuddles and get sleep whenever you can. It will get easier!

K999 · 27/04/2011 21:34

Swaddle. It works a treat! Smile

pirateparty · 27/04/2011 21:45

Firstly, this is normal. My ds wouldn't sleep without being on me or dh but it did end and eventually he got used to his moses basket. We used to do shifts over night because I was too terrified to co-sleep. But I am overweight and was exhausted and it just didn't feel safe to co-sleep - and it wouldn't have been for us for those very reasons. I also used to dread the nights.

There was a good thread about this recently with lots of suggestions so hopefully someone will be able to help more than me with practical ideas.

I mainly just wanted to say though that it is normal and I promise it gets better.

sweetuphoria · 27/04/2011 21:45

Definitely swaddle, reminds them of the womb

Flisspaps · 27/04/2011 21:47

You can't make him go down in the basket or crib or anywhere :) You just need to give him time. 9 days ago he was living inside you and now he's out in the big scary world and NEEDS you to be with him.

It does get better though.

What about putting him in a sling and then sleeping semi-sat up?

befuzzled · 27/04/2011 21:55

Normal! Will get easier. Sleep with him in bed or swaddle. We swaddled all 3 til 3/4 months, really helps.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 21:55

I know it feels like it's been like this forever already, but honestly, it wont last forever - that's an important thing to hold on to!!

Swaddling is well worth a try. Swaddle, cuddle till he goes to sleep and then lay him in his cot.

I think the other thing is to decide how you are going to tackle it then do it for at least a week, if you keep chopping and changing to see what works, nothing will work because he will be too unsettled...

PatronSaintOfDucks · 30/04/2011 09:12

swaddle and feed him to sleep lying down on your side in bed! when he is asleep, try gently removing nipple and going to sleep yourself. we survived the first 4 weeks like this.

smellsofsick · 01/05/2011 12:51

Hi I posted with almost exactly the same issue! First of all it's totally, totally normal and things do change. Really they do. We co-slept (dd on my side of the bed, me in middle) while she was tiny. I was worried that it was going to cause problems with sleep associations, particularly as some nights she slept on my chest as well.

She also hated the Moses basket with a passion. In the end, when we were both not getting too much sleep, we had a look at how she liked to sleep and re-created it in her basket. So, we slightly tilted the mattress and rolled up a towel so it was kind of like having an arm behind her. I also put a pajama top over the side for her to snuggle in to or wrapped her up in it before putting her in

It is tough and we had weeks where we would gently place her down once she'd nodded off, only to wake up seconds later and we'd have to do the whole rocking/feeding thing again

This may get me shouted at but my dd had no idea how to fall asleep by herself and stay settled so one night out of sheer physical and mental exhaustion I left her to cry for a few mins. She learned within a few minutes how to fall asleep.

All these things are just ideas for you to try plus I would say a pitch black, quiet room helps too along with a consistent nighttime routine BUT above all please be reassured that it does get better. That's what I was told and while I struggled to believe it, it really does. Now at four months mine is just beginning to think about waking up once and sometimes goes through. You'll get there and you'll make good decisions for your family.

lucielooo · 01/05/2011 14:41

The last two nights I've been sleeping with him in the crook of my arm, with baby on the outside of the bed and me in the middle. We've got a three sided crib next to the bed so he can't fall off and I'm hoping as he's right next to it, he might get a bit more used to it! Because he's in the crook of my arm, I can't roll onto him either and hes wrapped in a blanket so seems nice and cosy. This way, we get a three hour stretch of sleep which is ideal as 3 hours in this position and my hips/arms etc really ache anyway! So nappy change, feed and move the cot to the otherside of the bed and swap sides with DP so I can knacker the other side of my body for a few hours!

I have to say - it's bliss. I actually feel like myself that last couple of days!

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lucielooo · 01/05/2011 14:42

PatronSaintofDucks - I tried this one night and it worked well the first time, but when I've tried it since he ends up bringing up all his milk when I feed him in this position? Anyone got any ideas on this one?

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toadie30 · 03/05/2011 11:59

i'm so glad i'm not the only one!!! my three week old wont sleep without being cuddled! i dont mind at night, but he wont go down through the day. we've tried moses basket, cradle and pram. within minutes he's awake crying wanting fed and cuddled! i am doing my best to believe it gets better. cant even imagine contemplating going to supermarket or out for coffee as he'll want fed all the time! it can only get better cant it?

tothesea · 06/05/2011 00:34

I was given this tip when DS was five days old and I was barely functioning after several nights of very little sleep. Swaddle LO then roll up a cellular blanket and put it round them in an upside down U so they feel enclosed. DS is five weeks now and has slept from 11-4/5 every night since then and goes back down no bother after 4'clock feed. works a treat!!

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