New baby and toddler who is not a perfect sleeper - what to do? Stories please!

[dycey]

have a 2 year old who is pretty good sleeper but not perfect! He tends to go to bed around 8.30 to 9pm and sleeps 9 to 10 hours. Sometimes he wakes at night but only needs my voice and presence for a few minutes and goes back to sleep. He does need a lengthy bedtime routine plus demands my company in the room to fall asleep - a fair few reassurances I am staying etc. Been too tired while pregnant to tackle this (he used to settle alone) and he has been unwell a lot so has needed extra comfort.

He often wakes up an hour before he gets up and needs more company to settle for the last half hour or hours sleep.

And for naps he will only settle in the pushchair being walked. But I can transfer him to his cot. Trouble is we live up a flight of stairs in a flat and this carrying a heavy toddler is going to get Hard - in last trimester and with another baby it's not practical.

Question is - baby is due in under 3 months. I have always been more soft hearted / attachment style mother and find the hardline v hard unless I am desperate!

Should I tackle these issues - naps and bedtime or keep kidding through when the baby comes?

DH works too late to take over bedtime so that's no go.

Muddling through I meant!

And would v much appreciate advice from experienced mothers!

Hi Dycey, I am in a similiar situation here though baby is now 10 weeks old and Dd is 2.4 years. She has never been a good sleeper but is alot better than she was. She needs me to be with her when she falls asleep though she does nap in her own bed at lunchtime. She can also wake early, she is always awake by 6.30 sometimes earlier. If she wakes before 6 I go in to her room where we have a spare bed and she will fall back to sleep. So not great but usually manageable. Like you I was concerned as to how it would all work when the baby came along - I do nearly all of the settling. I do feel like I am muddling through and some days it all goes wrong but I have been really, really lucky in that DS appears to be a good sleeper so far. I am usually able to put him down before I start DD's bedtime although there have been occasions when all three of us have ended up in her room, me feeding baby whilst patting DD to sleep. It has been good that she will nap in her bed at lunchtimes, means I sometimes get to have a rest/nap too if the baby is sleeping. Maybe you could try and see if there was anyway of getting DS to starting napping in his cot, you could try a much shorter version of his bedtime routine and stay with him? I stay with DD at lunchtime but she usually doesn't take so long to fall asleep and if the baby is awake I feed him or rock him in his chair whilst I settle DD. If not you'd need a double buggy that you could leave at bottom of stairs and transfer one at a time I guess.
Also if you can find the energy to also have a go at getting your DS to settle on his own at bedtime again then that will make things much easier. DD went through a stage of settling without me but then we had a really big move and I was heavily pregnant and like you to tired to do it all again but if you have three months and can summon up some energy from somewhere I think it would be really worth it. I used ideas from NCSS with DD. Also for the early waking we got a sun and moon clock that has helped to some extent. Goodluck and fingers crossed your next DC is a good sleeper

Oh thanks so so much for your response. Really helpful. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly!

The nap is probably my biggest problem because I have tried getting him to settlein his cot but it can take 20 minutes of me soothing / patting / singing etc after 20 mins of reading. All quite Turing! I find a quick walk easier.

I should retreat from his room - am at the door of gradual withdrawal stage so unless he gets ill again, I should manage to get out if I can make myself brAve and energetic.

Most of all thank you for your encouraging reply! You make it sound quite okay!

Thanks Dycey, it doesn't feel like I am doing brilliantly at all, I think I have just been v v lucky with DS seeming to like his sleep. I can honestly say that at 10 weeks he is sleeping way better than DD was doing at 10 months. I do think that if he had been a very unsettled newborn in the way DD was I would really be struggling now. Well done for getting to the door, I am v I have done the gradual withdrawal thing a couple of times with DD and the second time I was able to make a break for it much more quickly, so hopefully you might find that too, though I am back at square one just now & in danger of getting RSI from all the patting . Also sounds like your nap routine could work if you can conincide the reading with feeding & then sing/pat them both to sleep-sounds lovely, your DS is a lucky boy, if I sing DD tells me to be quiet!

Couple of things: Firstly, don't read my thread in this section!

Secondly, we've never been too hardline about sleep, controlled crying etc and I'm now starting to regret this (though, to be fair, my wife isn't). All I'd say is that bear in mind that I don't think becoming more hardline is an option after the new arrival for quite a while. There will have been enough disruption already and enough questions in his head about what is going on. If you think you may have to do it, then now would be the time.

We've been lucky in that settling DD has never been a challenge (its what comes later that we struggle with) but is it worth preparing him during the day for you leaving him to settle that evening? I'm guessing he understands most of what you say to him now and I've found that with big changes (not necessarily sleep-related) our DD (who is similar age) responds pretty well generally as long as we've spent time talking her through what is going to happen.

Either way, really good luck.

Thanks deep heat - I was wondering that, I guess I won't want to get hardline post baby. I know my sister did - or rather her husband did as they couldn't cope with their 2 year old waking all night once newborn was here but that was not their plan. They meant to do it before.

You are totally right - he understands everything now and I could warn him in advance that I am retreating. I managed to stop patting very easily by just fore warning him....

Perhaps what I am asking is - how hard is it with toddler and baby?

V grateful for all resposnses. Thank you.... And deepheat I am intrigued - how do I find your thread?