Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Support needed with getting 3 year old to bed

33 replies

HalleLouja · 23/04/2011 20:31

DS has been in a bed for a few months and after a difficult start was happy to play / go to sleep in his own room.

Fast forward to now. He is being a right pain and keeps coming down stairs. Started with him pooing (whole other thread) so we were happy to change him. Now he is coming down for any old reason.

So thought I should try to put him back in bed like we used to when training him to sleep in his bed but tonight he thinks its the funniest thing.

I am nearly 32 weeks pregnant (he came at 34 weeks) and have a low placenta and DH has a bad back.

HELP!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

HalleLouja · 23/04/2011 21:48

Bump we are at breaking point tonight

OP posts:

Beamur · 23/04/2011 21:51

Just keep putting him back and make it perfunctory - no more stories/songs etc. My DD would milk bedtime but luckily falls asleep quite quickly.
Good luck - you really need to get him to co-operate if you've a new baby on the way. Although the new baby may be part of his current behaviour..

EightiesEasterChick · 23/04/2011 21:54

Don't have much advice but wanted to answer you. Sounds very tough.

Can you do stickers or some other reward with him for not coming down?

suzikettles · 23/04/2011 21:54

It's hell isn't it? Ds does this periodically (he's 4 now). He'll be fine going to bed for months and then will suddenly do a week of up down, up down.

"I need the toilet"
"I'm hungry"
"I'm thirsty"
"I just need to get something"
"I just need to tell you something"

I now, after fair warning, carry him straight through to bed and close the door with no chat, nothing. Sometimes have to do it a fair few times though which might not be possible in your condition.

Original poster

HalleLouja · 23/04/2011 21:57

He thinks its a game. Poor dh is not great at perseverance. Am far too pregnant to do all the lifting. He is quite a lump now.

OP posts:

Original poster

HalleLouja · 23/04/2011 22:04

Also it doesn't help when he is effectively chasing us out the room so its constant no break. Dh doesn't understand that if you keep persevering he will get bored and go to bed. Giving up and reading to him is like starting from scratch. Am having a bit of a breakdown. I would do it myself if I could.

OP posts:

JiminyCricket · 23/04/2011 22:07

We have 'eight o'clockitis' - my tummy hurts/my arm hurts/I feel sick. Mine are a little older, but we have found it effective to take away priveledges the next day e.g. 'every time you come down you lose ten minutes of tv time/computer time tomorrow/20p pocket money (and stick to it, no earning back). Also other things I have tried is to allow my eldest 'one visit downstairs for a one minute cuddle', so she knows she can come once and doesn't worry so much; and also 'I will come and check on you in half an hour'.

washnomore · 23/04/2011 22:13

In your situation I think I'd go for the stairgate. Explain clearly that if he mucks about it gets closed. When we did rapid return I allowed one silent trip to the loo the first time DS woke, but if he's doing this at bedtime you can pre-empt any possible excuses eg have water by the bed. First time he's up he gets put back and stairgate shut.

Alternatively, is there room for a comfy chair in his room? We sat in with DS for ages, took a book or phone with games and made it clear that we'd stay with him but if he messed around we'd leave. He conceded to settle in his bed then.

washnomore · 23/04/2011 22:15

Yes Jim, the checking back helped a lot too. "Stay in bed and I'll check you in 5 minutes" - and always keep your word, even if worried about waking him up.

Original poster

HalleLouja · 23/04/2011 22:32

Dh the softy that he is has been lying with the monkey and think they both might be sleeping. Am going to cut out naps as when he is so exhausted he goes to bed earlier. Nope DS is awake....

OP posts:

Original poster

HalleLouja · 24/04/2011 20:48

Not sure how to get DH to toughen up and stair gate doesn't fit his door which is too small.....

OP posts:

TheVisitor · 24/04/2011 20:50

I think your DH needs training more.

Original poster

HalleLouja · 24/04/2011 20:53

I can't deal with this.

I am at the end of my tether and yes DH needs training more but he doesn't listen and thinks if he does what DS wants eventually it will work out.

OP posts:

Happygomummy · 24/04/2011 20:58

we've got a similar problem with nearly 2 year old. controlled crying is not really working (and he shares room with brother so don't want to push it) but i am copying a technique i saw on supernanny;

basically, i put him to bed then i sit near his bed, but with my back to him ie no interacting. if he gets out, i just put him back into bed and say "no, it's bedtime". just keep doing this, if necessary over and over and over - he must realise that everytime he gets out of bed, you will put him back in, and also that you will not engage in any conversation whatsoever.

first couple of nights painful, but they get the message

good luck - remember he is just pushing boundaries - push back!!

Original poster

HalleLouja · 24/04/2011 21:20

If I wasn't pregnant I would have a lot more will power but DH keeps trying to go for the soft option which fails. Hopefully we will get a new stair gate tomorrow and naps will be stopped. If he was exhausted it would be less of a problem.

OP posts:

fartingfran · 24/04/2011 21:44

Halle, at your stage of pregnancy, and if your DH is willing to put in the time sitting with him, it's ok to go with it you know. Of course, you can't in fairness do rapid return for a good while after the baby comes, but even if you have success now you may find it all falls apart after the baby is born anyway. It's ok to just survive for now :)

dycey · 24/04/2011 22:04

Interested in this thread - toddlers are tricky aren't they? I too am pregnant and been taking line of least resistance with 2 year old who wants my company at bedtime. Been hoping for some advice about this.

Maybe you should entirely hand over bedtime to your other half? Is it possible? Then when baby comes you can focus on baby?

Toddler bedtimes are infuriating. I always want to keep mine happy but beginning to realise that when he is tired he is always going to protest a little about going into his got etc

fivegomadindorset · 24/04/2011 22:08

DD was awful we ended up using a sleep clinic and did the gradual withdrawl route, have never looked back.

Original poster

HalleLouja · 24/04/2011 22:13

We are going to try a new stair gate. It has got to be worth a go.

It sounds pathetic but just feel a bit like a failure. Maybe path of least resistance not a bad idea. Well it wouldn't be if DH was home every night but he isn't and I do not have it in me to cuddle him to sleep. I need my evenings even if it means he goes to sleep.

OP posts:

Original poster

HalleLouja · 24/04/2011 22:23

Fivegomad how did you work gradual withdrawl?

OP posts:

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 24/04/2011 22:34

Would he listen to story CDs? We had this problem with DS and solved it with a cheapy CD player - he would very happily lie and listen to Winnie the Pooh and was asleep very quickly, always before the end of the CD.

Might save your exhaustion and DHs back.

fivegomadindorset · 24/04/2011 22:34

When we talked to the clinic, we were advised to go down the gradual withdrawal method. We followed what they call a nightime hygiened routine although we have stopped this now as it didn't work for us as a family. This took place 15 minutes before bedtime so a quick but warm realxing bath, pyjamas and milk and then into bed. DD's natural falling asleep time was 8pm. So the idea was to get her into bed by 7.30, read to her until 7.45 or read and a massage and then we sit quietly on the sleepy cushion until DD is asleep and for 10 minutes after as this is how long it takes for children to fall into a deep sleep. We would put her to bed if she woke up and sit on the cushion again. If she woke in the night we took her back to bed and again sat on the sleepy cushion for 10 minutes after she went to bed. DD also has an ipod with stories on which lasts all night. You move the sleepy cushion every 3 nights until you are outside. Now we have introduced a light on a timer that she is not alowed out of her room until that comes on, we are working on that one though, but in 10 days the difference has been amazing. Yes she still wakes sometimes in the night but take last night, she cam in to our room at 12.15, and it was straight back to sleep without me having to stay there.

Cut and pasted this from another thread, took about 2 weeks but the differnce was amazing.

colditz · 24/04/2011 22:37

With ds2, I just lay with him until he was asleep.
Then I sat with him until he was asleep.
Then I quietly pootled aorund tidying his room until he was asleep.
Then I went and read on MY bed until he was asleep.

Then I said "I'm going to tidy my room, then I'm going to go and wash up, and I'll come back in 30 minutes to see if you're ok."

Then I just said night night and went downstairs!

So gradual withdrawal of a sort.

colditz · 24/04/2011 22:38

Rapid return caused vomiting and angry nose bleeds so dropped that after an hour! Ds2 is very strong willed.

TheVisitor · 25/04/2011 11:29

I used the same as colditz with my hardcore DS1 and it was tear and stress free. Took me about 6 weeks in total, mind. Does sound like something your DH would do though.

Flip

1 2