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Sleep

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Original poster

Dummy/soother vs Thumb and self-settling... help!

15 replies

podmumlet · 17/04/2011 15:53

My DS (12 weeks) seems to really want to suckle as a self-soothing trigger to sleep (and may also be related to mild reflux we are currently treating). It almost doesn't seem to make a difference whether its his thumb or my pinkie finger or my breast. I have actually tried to replace all the above by introducing a dummy at our (infrequent!!) nap times and bed time, but he hasn't taken to it at all and spits it out, crying for either his thumb or my finger/breast.

I have been giving this some thought, having read some of the soother vs dummy threads and am really confused and would love to hear some MNers experience, advice and/or suggestions....

I am wary of letting him suck his thumb, because I aware that it's a really difficult habit to break, so much so, that there are many adults in their 30s/40s still privately sucking their thumbs. I'd prefer my DS not to have this potentially lifelong habit. On the upside, I know that his thumb will always be there and he can self-soothe whenever he needs/wants.

I could try the dummy again at naps and bedtime to help him settle and remove it at about a 1 or 2 years when he can understand that the dummy fairy has taken it and have one hellish week to deal with. This way, he wouldn't have a lifelong habit, but I do run the risk of him crying and waking for it throughout the night desperately needing the dummy to self settle...

Thing is, won't any baby/toddler just automatically substitute a thumb for the dummy that gets taken away after some time using it? I mean, babies/toddlers seem pretty resourceful to me, and it seems a fairly logical substitution to make...

Sooooo.... does this all mean it's better to avoid both the dummy and the thumb??

If so, how do I help him settle when he soooo clearly wants (needs?) to suck on something?

Am I overthinking all this, and should just let him use his thumb and/or dummy?

Arrgh! Your experience, thoughts, suggestions needed - and apologies for the long, rambling, sleep deprived post......

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RitaMorgan · 17/04/2011 16:03

My DS has a dummy - I'm happy to let him keep it til he's 3ish (I remember giving up my dummy at that age and it wasn't traumatic). He does sometimes wake for it in the night, and it's only recently (he's 8 months) that he can put it back in himself.

It took a couple of weeks and a couple of different styles of dummy to get him to accept one.

Original poster

podmumlet · 17/04/2011 16:22

Which dummy did you use RitaMorgan?
I too used a dummy when little and don't seem worse off for it...

My mum keeps on asking where DS's dummy is...
As if it would be the solution to any and all problems we have.... :)

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RitaMorgan · 17/04/2011 16:25

Tried those fancy silicone orthodontic ones at first but he wasn't having any of it He liked the old style cherry latex ones though - I get the tommee tippee ones.

narmada · 18/04/2011 10:38

Thumb every time. Thumbs don't get lost in the night like dummies do, and honestly, if he is a sucky baby there won't be much you can do to prevent him sucking it. It doesn't really matter - it's just a natural thing.

jaggythistle · 20/04/2011 19:01

I've got a 18month old thumb sucker and he loves it.

He only does it when he has a 'blankie' to hold and is generally too busy, except for at nap/sleep times and for some reason a wee chill out after a meal!

He showed zero interest in a dummy when I did offer one and then found the thumb at about 10weeks.

I was apparently a blankie/thumb sucker myself and my Mum claims I stopped no bother at 3ish, when they took the blankie away and I just had a wee dog to cuddle.

Am hoping she isn't making it up!

He does settle really well though.

Original poster

podmumlet · 23/04/2011 20:53

Thanks for the replies...

Narmada - I guess my concern is that while thumb-sucking is indeed very natural, I don't want to put in place a difficult habit to break when it's apparently easier to set and break habits/routines now (at around the 3 month mark).

Jaggythistle - my baby also has shown no interest in a dummy, and found his thumb at around 10 weeks. I am really torn about 'allowing' DS to be either a thumb or dummy sucker and it's a battle of wills at the moment.

My DH is in the other room trying to calm a VERY distraught and HOWLING 3 month old, and the howling breaks out or gets worse everytime he tries to stop DS from sucking a thumb..... It is heart-breaking and very distressing.... Considering we are trying to do the No Cry Sleep Solution, we are failing miserably. :( :( :(

He seems to want his thumb so DESPERATELY, no amount of shush/patting, PUPD is working...

It feels like he is crying more that he would if we were following Cry It Out. :( :( :(

My next question is: does introducing a dummy/soother and then taking it away at a later date, inevitably lead to thumb sucking? Will the baby be so set on suckling that it will find another alternative when the dummy is removed, ie a thumb?

In the greater scheme of things, I am sure that this is a silly dilemma to be having... But I cannot tell you how much these howls and the wish to do right by my baby are breaking my heart.

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 23/04/2011 21:49

Let the poor thing suck his thumb then!

jaggythistle · 23/04/2011 21:59

I'd let him suck his thumb in your situation, no way i could listen to unnecessary crying.

Original poster

podmumlet · 23/04/2011 22:31

Just an update - after a relatively short time (but felt like an eternity for us all!!), my DS settled to sleep and 2 hours on, it still sleeping soundly in his crib after we just had a peek in our bedroom...

We too are real softies and are finding this really hard but really want to be consistent in our approach of not going the thumb sucking route.

As habits at this age are apparently easily formed/changed, our plan is to try discourage thumb sucking for a few nights (with probable tears, but we will be there to soothe and comfort him in other ways), and if the situation and habit haven't changed after a couple of nights, we will try again to introduce a dummy. We currently have 4 dummies with 2 different teats that we tried in the past. I will get some others ensuring they are a mixture of latex/silicon and orthodontic/cherry/flat shaped.

Thanks to all for sharing thoughts and opinions.

Happy Easter!

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Original poster

podmumlet · 23/04/2011 22:38

Thanks for the replies ladies.

Treadmillmom - the link to my other thread is here

As I mentioned in my other thread, we have decided to continue discouraging thumb sucking for a few nights (with probable tears, but we will be there to soothe and comfort him in other ways).

We are real softies and are finding this really hard but really want to be consistent in our approach of not going the thumb sucking route. I think inconsistency is incredibly unsettling for babies. That said, if the situation and habit haven't changed after a couple of nights of trying to change the habit, we will try again to introduce a dummy to meet this ongoing suckling need.

We currently have 4 dummies with 2 different teats that we tried in the past. I will get some others ensuring they are a mixture of latex/silicon and orthodontic/cherry/flat shaped.

Thanks to all for sharing thoughts and opinions.

Happy Easter!

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Original poster

podmumlet · 23/04/2011 22:40

Whoops - posted my above post on the wrong thread... I had a similar thread running in the Development/Behaviour threads...

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mouseanon · 23/04/2011 22:41

My dn has been told that she needs an operation which involves breaking her jaw and resetting it. Her jaws don't meet properly due to all the thumb sucking she did as a child.

My two both had dummies. One removed at 2.5 and the other at 20 months with absolutely no trauma at all. They were both limited to using them for sleeps or long journeys from 6 months (something else you can't do with a thumb).

I'd always prefer a dummy just because you can limit it and take it away. I've never known a child switch to thumb sucking but I suppose it could happen.

Mine both liked the MAM dummies.

Original poster

podmumlet · 23/04/2011 23:02

Oh my - that operation sounds painful!! Wishing your dn a speedy recovery. Thanks for the MAM dummy suggestion - haven't tried those yet.

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youngjoly · 24/04/2011 01:26

I would go for the dummy if possible.

I know a bloke who teaches at a Dental hospital, and so trains dentists. I once asked him what he thought and he said dummy all the way. From a dentist's perspective, dummies rarely do any long lasting damage (providing it is not over used / taken away at a reasonable age), whereas he too has seen people who needed to have their jaws broken because of thumb sucking. (not as uncommon as you might think!). Also, with a dummy you can control its use when the child is older to avoid over use (and subsequent damage) or children thumb sucking for too long (and so causing damage). In fact, he said anything but thumbs!

I found with both of mine, they naturally spat the dummy out when asleep, and so I always removed it at that point, and therefore never had to worry with midnight wakings. I also took the dummies away at age 3, and never had a problem with that too. These things needn't cause a problem if managed properly. Neither of my children switched to thumb sucking, as they were past that stage when the dummies were removed.

That said, if your baby doesn't take to a dummy, I would rather they used the thumb / something else than cry.

kirrinIsland · 24/04/2011 01:45

I gave my DD a dummy and it did solve a lot of problems but I do find myself getting up frequently in the night to put the blardy thing back in. She's been looking like she'll find her thumb for a while now but hasn't quite managed it yet. I gave the dummy to discourage thumb sucking but can't help thinking I'd be up and down less in the night if she just did that instead :)

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