My newborn wants to be held ALL through the night! Advice please?

[PermaShattered]

My DS4 is unsettled most of the way through the night and I'm exhausted! I had few such problems with my first 3 so this is a bit of shock. He can be sound asleep (or so we think) and I put him down in his bed (baby sleeping bag in our 6" bed) and he starts grizzling and crying until I snuggle him up in my arm and he then sleeps soundly. Needless to say, I don't!

When I 'come to' (he's still asleep) I'll put him down in his bed and the same thing happens. Basically, (my DH calls him a cuddle junkie!) he just wants his cuddles, wants to be held.

And I don't know what to do!

My DS is the same - he is 7 weeks old and won't sleep unless he's being held. He will sleep in his pram if he goes in there asleep but once the pram stops he wakes up, cries and needs a cuddle to get him back to sleep. Because of this we have coslept since day 1. My DS sleeps on my DH every night, we have a pregnancy pillow down the middle of the bed which my DH uses to help him and DS sleep safely. My DH loves to cosleep as it makes him feel close to DS. We know we have to help him to be able to sleep in his moses basket (i have posted to ask for advice on how to do this) as it would be lovely if he could sleep on his own (this would help me out through the day as I can't really do anything when I am on my own as am holding DS most of the time) but for now I just think 'he is only 7 weeks old and if he needs a cuddle then i'm going to give him a cuddle'.

I know I have not offered you any advice but you are definately not on your own, I have read a lot of posts where people went through the same thing. The sleep exhaustion is horrendous but maybe if you cand find a more comfortable way of safe cosleeping you will be able to get more sleep and you may enjoy it too.

Hope it gets better for you .

Will he sleep snuggled up to you? My ds needed to sleep with his face against my breast.

I recommend a swaddle! Some babies just need to feel some tightness around them to help them feel secure. They have spent a long time in the womb with not a lot of space, it was warm and felt safe. Suddenly they have lots of space, its a bit cooler and its a bit scary!
That's my thought on it. You can by special swaddles. My sister used them and her baby slept much better when he was swaddled.
But don't feel you are spoiling your babies, you aren't and you can't at this age. They and you get huge benefits from cuddles and closeness!

Just set your bed up to co-sleep safely and cuddle away :) He will grow out of it, I promise. DS used to sleep with his head on my boob for a pillow. I can't remember when he stopped doing that but at 2 or 3 months (I think) I used to move him away when he'd finished feeding and he was fine. Then at 10 months (again not 100% sure) he would roll away from me himself when he finished feeding. He's 2 now and sleeps happily in his own bed.

Swaddling is great. My baby (2weeks) protested the first few times I swaddled her but now sleeps 3-4 hours at a time. Which is bliss when you've done hourly wakings.

I got an AMBY baby hammock (natures nest) because DS would only sleep on me during the day, I didn't use it at night because he would sleep in the moses basket or beside me (also only with nose pressed against boob, very cute to watch him nose forward in his sleep every time I tried to back away!). The hammock holds them tighter than a basket and you can bounce them up and down if they stir when you put them in to lull them back to sleep. They are designed for night time sleeping too. Cost about £150 though, but I found it well worth it if only to be able to get food whilst he slept!

Another vote for a tight swaddle - it really can work miracles.

Thanks all - Rita he sleeps snuggled right up to me - in the crook of my arm. It's lovely and I love it - except for the disturbance to my sleep! I still sleep but then wake again after an hour, a bit stiff - so I then try to put him down and he then starts to grizzle/cry. As soon as I put him back in my arm he's 'out for the count' again. We are co-sleeping - we have a 6 ft bed and the baby has a sleeping bag and we don't put the quilt on it - and we have a boulster pillow between him and my DH to stop him rolling onto him. Needless to say neither of us drink/smoke etc

What I didn't say is - he's nearly 4 wks old now and I worry about it becoming a habit. re swaddling - tried that but he seems to like to be able to move his arms around. Perhaps I should try again. Not sure.

I also understand the general consensus is that from 6 wks they can be trained so I'm trying to just enjoy being able to spoil him and enjoy the cuddes! Then try to train him from 6 wks....

From 6 weeks they can be trained to do what? Controlled Crying isn't recommended before 6 months, I haven't heard of anyone trying to sleep train a 6 week old to be honest.

I don't think you have to worry about habits yet, they just don't have the brain development to have habits. And you definitely can't spoil a baby with cuddles.

Ta Rita. Routine I suppose - I guess when feeding may be more regular, and things are more settled then you can get a routine in place. NOt controlled cryin though! Definitely not a fan - not even for a 2 yrs old! 4-5 yrs old yes - when they know what it's all about!!!!!!

Anyway, I do agree with you - you can't spoil them at this age - but the tiredness is hard!! All in a good cause though ;-)

I think my ds was nearer 4 or 5 months before feeding became anymore regular

Lying in that on your side, crook of the arm position is really uncomfortable after a while though, I agree! I found once ds was really asleep I could gently move/roll away rather than trying to move him.

I did used to get quite stiff when sleeping so close to DS. As I said though I was able to move him or scoot away myself after a feed when he was 2 months or so so it's not forever :)

Please don't worry about habits - in fact, buy "The No Cry Sleep Solution" - it has advice about how to move them into their own cot if and when you want to do that, at 2, 4, 6, 8, 12 months (etc). So you don't panic and think it's going to be nearly impossible, because I promise you it won't. (And it doesn't matter what age you do it) But it also provides reassurance that habits can be changed at any point, and if you do it gently it doesn't have to be a traumatic experience for anybody.

Enjoy him being a baby as long as it continues to be enjoyable. Once it's not, that is the time to move him. If that is now, then fair enough, but it sounds as though you'd enjoy it more if you weren't worrying unnecessarily about bad habits, and if you can find a more comfortable position for you.

FWIW I just moved DS at 2.5 because he likes to kick the covers off me and it's been no trouble at all. Yes I've had a few disturbed nights because his waking patterns have changed slightly but slowly he's going longer in his own bed, so I have hope :) He tends to wake up quietly now and just slip into my bed anyway so it doesn't even disturb me much.

Bertie thanks - that's really helpful and encouraging, I'll look up that book!! Rita you made me chuckle. Last night (which was better in the sense that I slept for longer with my DS in my arms so feel a bit more alive this morning!) when he was soundo I moved his gently onto the bed and moved away. But he's not stupid and absolutely would not permit it! So he was back into my arm.....

A tip from my midwife was to keep babys special blanket in your bed to get your and or your partners 'smell' on it and warm it up a bit before wrapping the baby up in it. Worls for our 5 week old DD. Who would want to lie in a cold moses basket after being snuggled up close to mummy. Worth a try.

Hi

Same here! My 4 week old DS2 only sleeps in bed with me and needs to be cuddled in my arms! During the day he'll cry if put down in cot or baby chair and only sleeps if walking with pram or driving in car seat.

My DS1 slept though in own cot at 8 weeks so it's a bit of a shock for me! DS2 is BF really well at moment(every 2 hours) but with DS1 i stopped at 6 weeks as he couldn't latch on properly.

Have considered stopping BF but DS2 sleeps well with me, DH is on sofa as bed not big enough and we have no room for bigger bed.

Don't know whether to carry on as I love the cuddles but feel stuck because I can't do anything unless baby cries. Also feel am leaving DS1 out as do not spend time with him.

So question is this...if you BF are you more likely to co sleep? If you bottle feed do you get more time because others can help? ( I can't express as DS2 feeds so regular).

Answers on a postcard pls.....!

My ds was like this and needed to be physically attached to me to sleep at first. It gets better! I can now roll away once he's asleep and get out the bedroom at least...

Plus the achiness of sleeping in the same position decreases over time. I guess you must get used to it

Ellie I believe it is only advisable to co-sleep if you are breastfeeding; something about hormones and feedback mechanisms meaning you are very very unlikely to overlay.

no advice I'm afraid but my 5wk old DS is just the same - he'll only sleep either on mine or DP's chest but this only really works sitting up which means one of us ends up sleeping sitting up on the sofa.. poor DP is so tired (not so bad for me as I can nap in the day)

Hmmm, am considering including a bottle feed at tea time so DH can feed and I'll try and express at this time. Am hoping that I can store a few days of milk this way and be able to use this time with DS1.