Controlled crying- again?

[onlylivinggirl]

I have an 11 month old DS who sleeps very badly - currently a very very good night would be is he slept from 10-5-he generally wakes up at least once and takes ages to settle- more often than not now he won't settle even with feeding so last night he went to sleep at 9.30- woke up at 11.30 and ended up in bed with me (basically on my breast) from 2 onwards- before getting up at 6.

We have done controlled crying in the past with him - and after a couple of nights it seems to work and he has slept through (well 9-6!) but then his sleep is disrupted (eg by teething or a cold) then he gets back into the habit of waking up and wanting to be held/fed - I'm just not sure what the best approach is- I hate doing cc - both emotionally and also physically - and if it is pointless...

I found that a couple of my friends who did cc have had to repeat it more than once every time there was a little hiccup. We did the gradual withdrawl method where you teach them to sleep by themselves gradually without so much crying. We rocked then just held then led with then sat by then sat in room then sat by door then sat outside room. It takes a lot longer than CC but when we had a hiccup we took one or two steps back then repeated the process but more quickly. You have to be patient and quite regimented with it but with DS1 it was very successful - 11hours a night every night (give or take for illness etc) DS2 we were less regimented with but he goes to sleep very easily now and wakes once a night about once a week but 12 hours generally. Have not got the time to do with DS3 yet but we will!

So you would pick up and then put down when calm? when asleep?

we tried pick up put down once a while ago and it just really upset DS- i think he was really confused as to what was happening with the result that the second time he was picked up he was inconsolable

We did gradual withdrawal but we had ds in the cot straight away with me soothing by stroking him and shushing when he was upset, then once he was used to falling asleep in the cot we would put him down then sit next to cot ignoring him unless he got upset (and I'm talking upset not having a paddy) then I stroked and soothed. Once he was used to that we started moving out of the room gradually.
The important thing is not to talk or give eye contact. I only picked him up once or twice when he was properly upset but laid him down when calm. It worked better when i soothed him while he was in the cot though.
I like this way as didn't want to do cc and this way they know you're there with them and will comfort if they're upset but you ignore/don't give eye contact once calm as they know you mean business and they won't be held to go to sleep. Ds wasn't upset for very long, it was mostly temper and even if he wakes in the night he's quick to settle again.

SOrry have not been on MN in ages...

We would make sure DS was completely asleep before putting him down if we were rocking him or holding him to sleep but if we were lying by him etc we did not need to pick him up. In the night we tended to go back a step or too but found when we sorted out the going to sleep the night times followed.

I agree it is best not to talk too much or give eye contact your presence is the comfort.

I found I had to put up with a certain amount of "grimbling" from DD. Mostly at the beginning of the night. If it sounds like she's not getting ready to sleep, I go in and after initially laying her back down in her cot, I then stand by the doorway, occasionally saying "Ssh...sleepy time. Lie down." After a while she stops bobbing back up and I leave the room when she's relaxed (although not asleep) and she nods off on her own.
She's now 15 months and started sleeping through at 13 months. Having said that, it's still intermittent and we have unsettled nights every so often, especially when she's teething. I usually lie down with her if she wakes overnight and refuses to resettle. Then I return her to her cot once she's asleep again. Once the teething etc. is finished, she tends to go back to sleeping through again.

Good luck!

Hi Onlylivinggirl

I could I written your post. DS is 10 mo and was an appauling sleeping. Gradual withdrawal didn't work with him and we did cc at 6 months. It worked in about 4 nights and he generally slept through for about 6 weeks and then we've had a non stop round of teething, illness, holidays and general disruption. I've never wanted to leave him to cry when he's sick or in someone else's house and he's fallen into bad habits again. I've just started to do the dreaded cc again but he's quite determined and can cry for a long time. I'm perfectly confident he's not ill as been to the docs to have him checked out today! Just think he's one of those babies that doesn't need much to disrupt his sleep! I HATE doing it and always feel guilty that I'm mentally damaging him etc but I figure that I'm a much better mum to him when I'm not sleep deprived which makes me very depressed and unable to function. I know some people might think it's a get out clause but I think some people suffer more than others when they're sleep deprived