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Original poster

Co sleeping, is it really a bad thing?

32 replies

Bensmum76 · 04/04/2011 06:13

I have always been against sleeping but now ds2 has cone along things have changed.he's just turned 7 weeks old and for the last few weeks I have been napping with him in bed once a day. This has turned into me getting him into bed with me when he starts stirring at 5/6am, and tonight I've had him in with me since 1.30am when he started crying but I knew he want hungry as dh dreamed him at 11pm. He's just taken small feed now so iwas right that he wasnt hungry earlier.
My heart is telling me to go with it and enjoy the closeness but my head is telling me that its a bad habit to get into and that I'll only have to sleep train him to sleep in his cot at a later date.
He also sleeps on me for all naps during the day so at times it can be quite overwhelming.
Advice anyone?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bensmum76 · 04/04/2011 06:14

I have always been against co sleeping, is what it should say!

OP posts:

seeker · 04/04/2011 06:17

Go with it. Don;t worry about all this "bad habits' nonesense - make him feel safe and secure and happy and get everyone as much sleep as possible.

Oh, and you can;t be sure he's not hungry - he's still at the stage where he might be. Always offer food first - it usually works!

doormat · 04/04/2011 06:44

i dont mean to scare anyone but i know at least 2 ppl and have done some research throughout history about the changing face of childhood and there are many many occasions where the infant has died due to suffocation from the mother. of course this has been accidental but just to let you know that it can and does occur, especially when they are very young babies, as they cannot wriggle away.

one woman i know of fell asleep on the couch with her baby and the baby suffocated. even though it was accidental, because the mother was a registered drug user she went to prison for manslaughter.

i am not in no way suggesting anyone here would put their child at risk but making you aware that accidents can and do happen.

TanteRose · 04/04/2011 06:51

"i don't mean to scare anyone but..."

OP, of course you need to make sure that you are following the guidelines for co-sleeping, which, needless to say, is how most babies in the world sleep.

see here for some guidelines

seeker · 04/04/2011 07:11

You are talking about falling asleep on the sofa. Completely irresponsible to raise this issue in a thread about proper co-sleeping. Which is competely safe.

Please ask for your post to be deleted. Or I will report it.

Bucharest · 04/04/2011 07:13

doormat, you know 2 people?

Do you not get out much?

Anyway, I know 2 people who didn't roll over and kill their babies while co-sleeping so that cancels out doormat's anecdotes. Possibly because they weren't on a sofa and off their tits on hallucinogens.

OP- as TanteRose says, read the guidelines, and you'll be fine, if its what you decide to go with. My dd was about the same age as yours when we started co-sleeping.

Cribbage · 04/04/2011 07:22

Sleeping on the sofa is totally different. If you are going to try to scare people - which you clearly are - at least get your facts straight.
OP, I ended up doing the same with my DS. It was a gradual thing and I was worried at first too. However I read Three in a Bed which alleviated my fears and I learnt to enjoy it. At about 6 months DS decided he would sleep happily in the cot beside me and at 8 months he now sleeps in his own room with no problems. We had no tears during these transitions, I still can't quite believe how easy it has been so far.

Cribbage · 04/04/2011 07:24

I meant to add enjoy it, I miss it already!

countryhousehotel · 04/04/2011 07:24

Bensmum I coslept through necessity with dd (she's now 4.5) for the first 10 to 12 weeks, once we were in more of a routine and she was sleeping better at night and settling better at "bedtime" I stopped doing it. after that she came in with us on occasion (eg when ill or just wanting a cuddle). She sleeps very well now (12 hours a night) in her own bed and goes down without any problem.

Ds is 15 months and i started cosleeping at about 6 months when his previous great sleeping habits (7pm to 4am every night then back down til 7am) went pear shaped and he started waking every 2 hours or so. I was too knackered to keep getting up in the night and putting him back down in his cot. So he's in our bed. I figure that within the next 6 months i can start gently encouraging him to go in his own bed, there are lots of people out there advocating gentle sleep training techniques (eg gradual withdrawal) that I am looking at with a view to trying something during the summer.

So 2 v. different stories in one family, hopefully to demonstrate that cosleeping means different things to different people and can take different forms at different stages of your dc's life!

doormat · 04/04/2011 07:26

seeker and bucharest what is wrong in posting about what i know in my life experience, report it if you wish but it was never meant to offend anyone..
this happened to 2 ppl that i know of and in fact the registered drug user was not high as a kite but went to prison and was released on appeal...
one was on the couch and one was in bed, both had tiny babies...

you are both being extremely volatile towards me and my post...check out history and facts before you go slamming ppl and their advice

to the op i never meant to be hurtful just was stating part of what i know throughtout life experience and research for my degree..it was never to critise anyone

TanteRose · 04/04/2011 07:31

OK doormat...then post some data about cosleeping/cotdeaths/SIDS. you can't just post a few anecdotes on a thread like this, when someone is asking for reassurance. Your post was likely to upset people...surely you can see that.

I safetly coslept with my two DCs from birth until they were 4 and 3 years old, when they went into their own room with bunkbeds. Of course, you don't have to wait that long

Bucharest · 04/04/2011 07:34

Er, because the plural of anecdote is not data?

We've all read the scary stories about (usually) Fathers rolling over and suffocating children, usually when they are pissed, or smokers. It is very rarely mothers if co-sleeping is carried out according to safety guidelines.

Your scaremongering is as relevant as the OP saying "I have a car, should I take my child out in it?" and me posting that I know 2 people who have died in carcrashes, so no, of course she shouldn't.

doormat · 04/04/2011 07:39

tanterose i will look it up in the next couple of days as i have to go to work in a mo....yes i an see that but i truly meant never to criticise nor hurt anyone but i didnt realise i have to use harvard referencing to everything you post on here

in fact i co slept with all my 6 children and i loved every minute of it, i was just stating that this can and does happen, the link provided was a great idea, unfortunately i never have been able to get the gist of links but will try later

the the op plz accept my apologies as my post never meant to cause no offence

exoticfruits · 04/04/2011 07:47

I would just ignore everyone and go with your gut feeling for now. Sleeping on you for all naps is going to get more difficult so either start putting him down or get a sling.

TanteRose · 04/04/2011 07:59

doormat, you don't need to use harvard referencing for everything you post on MN

I just googled "co-sleeping, SIDS, data" and got loads of hits.

Here is just one , if you scroll down, it mentions loads of studies done on this subject.

Oh and re:links, you can just click the "Converts links automatically" button when you post a message

bonkers20 · 04/04/2011 08:20

I co-slept with my now 12 year old. He just went to his own bed when he was good and ready. Still co-sleeping with my 2 YO. I don't like CIO so just do what i need to do to get enough sleep.
I just love snuggling with my baby.
I'd just go with it and change things if you don't like it.

People have been co-sleeping with their babies for ever, I really don't think it's a bad thing.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 04/04/2011 08:28

The FSID recommend that you do not co-sleep. However, if you insist that you will, then it suggests doing so "safely". That means, if you have had alcohol, or you or your baby have a temperature, then you should put them in a cot. However, I would think it would be quite traumatic to turf the baby out of your bed in those circumstances. Far better to put the child in its own cot in the first place.

Original poster

Bensmum76 · 04/04/2011 08:28

Wow, I wasn't expecting a heated discussion!
Thanks for your comments Doormat, I was looking for reassurance that I would be able to stop co sleeping with baby when I wanted and that I wouldn't have a battle in my hands, I'm not concerned about safety as I have read guidelines and he sleeps next to me in a double bed not cuddled right up to me and I'm aware of his presence and breathing at all times.
Thanks to all replies.
Seeker I definitely dont believe he was hungry at 1.30am as he went to sleep as soon as I put him bed with me and at 6am he only had 60ml. He's now being fed by his daddy and doesn't seem too hungry now either!
Dh and I are trying to work out what we could do with baby's Moses basket or cot to make it more comfortable for him. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

wolfhound · 04/04/2011 08:46

bensmum - i coslept with both mine for their first year and intend to with no. 3 (on the way). i actually can't imagine how anyone survives the first year without doing that - you get so much more sleep and the baby is so much more contented, i think.

i don't think doormat should be flamed for bringing up the issue of overlaying, but it sounds like the cases she mentions (unsafe sleeping on sofa / drug addict) were clearly against all the guidelines, so if you are aware of guidelines and following them, then it is a different situation. But it is good to remind people to familiarise themselves with the guidelines.

i also find that i am always aware of my babies. Just had DS2 (20 mths) in bed with me again for the last 2 weeks as he's been having a terrible time with teething - lovely & snuggly and his pure bliss at being close to me reminds me how lovely it is. Though was quite happy last night when he slept through in his cot once more - hoping teething is finally done with!

matana · 04/04/2011 13:10

Co-sleeping truly saved my sanity and i am a massive advocate, when once all i did was worry about doing it and try to hide it from everyone as there's such a stigma attached to it. I think i did it for around 8 to 12 weeks as DS wasn't comfortable on his back in his moses basket and made loads of loud horrible grunting/ straining noises. Getting him to sleep in his moses basket again wasn't a problem at all - he was far too young to form 'habits' and took to it fine when he grew out of his discomfort. I still co-sleep occasionally - last night being a prime example. He had his jabs on Friday and has been very unsettled at night since. I never hesitate to bring him into bed when he's unwell and love cuddling up. But he always goes back in his moses basket when he's better.

And Doormat, you are entitled to voice your opinions on here as is anyone else. You weren't being rude or obnoxious. However, the phrase 'i know of someone' is somewhat different to 'i know someone' and reminds me of those urban myths/ legends that used to circulate when i was at school, so you might want to think about phrasing things differently! I know of someone who was murdered by a mad axeman when their car broke down in the middle of the woods at night after their boyfriend went to get help and ended up beheaded. Honest i did.

wolfhound · 04/04/2011 14:11

Oh yes, OP, forgot to say in my previous post - I wouldn't worry about habits at all. I moved mine to their own cots at around 12-13 months (when i stopped BF) and it wasn't difficult - took a couple of weeks of gradual withdrawal (me sleeping with them all night on a futon in their room, then me returning them to their cot when they woke up but still sleeping in the room, finally me going back to my own bed!) No sleep training or crying required. One thing I did do from about 6-7 months onwards is start having them sleep in the cot in the evening (then they came into bed with me when they woke up) - think it helped that they were used to their cots for 2-3 hours in the evening). Before that, they slept in the sling in the evening, then came to bed with me. Someone once said to me that no-one suggests you shouldn't use nappies on a baby just because it'll take a little time to get them used to using a potty years later, so why worry about where they sleep when they're little either. Useful advice.

Original poster

Bensmum76 · 04/04/2011 16:17

Wolfhound, that advice is fab!

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 04/04/2011 20:55

I don't know anything about stopping co-sleeping as we haven't got to that stage yet, but have you considered a co-sleeper (i.e. cot attached to your bed). We have one made out of a cot from freecycle. DD now sleeps in that most of the time (including the evenings, but with me when she is a bit fretful. Hopefully when the time comes we will put the other side on it, then move it into her own room in a step-by-step way as wolfhound describes.

wolfhound · 06/04/2011 08:51

one more thing about stopping co-sleeping - don't worry when the first few times seem like it'll never work (i.e. they wake up about 20 minutes after you've put them down) It improves very quickly, and I always took the Elizabeth Pantley advice that you don't have to be hardcore about it, if you decide to take them back into your bed for the rest of the night one night, it will still work, just take a bit longer, but that's better than them and you feeling upset. x

rr16 · 06/04/2011 19:52

I co slept with my now 13mo ds coz of frequent night wakings until a month ago, he's now in his cot and the transition was so much easier than I was expecting. We had the cot next to us briefly then at the bottom of the bed then a bit further away etc etc etc... The gradual approach was the best one for us.

Dh was really against co sleeping coz he thought ds would end up sleeping with us forever out of habit but the constant toing and froing soon changed that opinion!

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