Should I use CIO? Any other solutions?

[chaosisawayoflife]

DD is 2.10. She has never been a good sleeper. She has been in a bed for about 2 months and we are now at a stage where she settles pretty well and stays in her own bed all night, which is great. However, she is still waking anything up to 6 times a night. It doesn't take much to re-settle her when she does wake, usually I pop in, give her a sip of drink, a cuddle and she'll lie back down and go to sleep. Sometimes there's a bit of screaming and she wants to come into our bed but a bit of persuasion and she'll go back to sleep. Not a huge problem on the face of it but I'm pregnant and knackered and really struggling to get back to sleep after I've been in to her so would really like to stop this.
I have never, ever done any form of controlled crying, CIO or sleep training with her and it goes against all my instincts to do so, but I'm really struggling now and I know that at nearly 3 she should be able to sleep through the night without waking me. I've tried reasoning with her, showing her where her drink is so she doesn't cry for me, rewards for sleeping through, she has a gro-clock and she knows she's not supposed to wake me up before it tells her to, but none of these things work. Occasionally, perhaps once a week, she sleeps through, another 2 nights a week she'll wake once, the rest of the time she is waking 2-6 times in the night.
So...should I leave her to cry herself back to sleep? I have tentatively tried leaving her a few times when she has woken before I've gone to bed, but within 5 minutes she's gone from calling for me to full on hysterics and when I go up she's hysterical, sweaty and panicky. I'm really not sure that I could go through with that but I can't see what other solutions there are. Should I just ride it out and hope she will eventually sleep through without (as I have done for the past nearly 3 years) or should I try some sort of training? Any tips? I could really do with her sleeping through before the new baby comes in July.

Can't your OH go into her? I've heard some kids learn to self-settle better if a boring grumpy Dad goes into them rather than Mummy.

Thank you for the response. DH does sometimes go in to her and usually it's the same sort of pattern as me, ie quick drink, cuddle and back to sleep, but if she protests he is a bit soft and ends up bringing her into our bed! Grrrr.

Why don't you try not giving the cuddle? Could be rewarding enough for her to wake for.

The millpond book is quite good for older toddlers and they suggest gradual withdrawal.

Maybe go into her room and speak but no touching. Weird and detached I know but you must be desperate! I speak as one who knows!

My ds is 2 and will wake at night if I stroke or pat but not if I am just a presence in th room.

How hard this must be for you!

I completely understand your aversion to 'crying it out'. I could never leave a baby to cry mainly because a baby doesn't have the cognitive ability to understand why mummy or daddy aren't coming. At almost 3, your daughter very much understands that night time is night time and that you need to sleep.

My husband and I fell into the terrible habbit of bringing our baby into bed with us every time he cried, but we eventually broke the habbit by ALWAYS putting him to sleep in his cot unless he was very ill and we needed to have him close to check on him. We started slowly. First it was always putting him down in his cot (even if he woke up 10 times he always went back to his cot) and we also gave him lots of cuddles and rocking. I think he eventually forgot we even had a bed and soon enough the night wakings decreased. After a few days we got to a point where if he woke up it was a quick pick-up put down, no cuddles, no communication just a quick check to make sure he was ok. After 1.5 weeks he slept though 8-7am and has done so ever since.

Your daughter is older and so the habit may be harder to break but I wouldn't bring her into your bed if you want her to sleep through. You really have to do as you mean to go and be consistent consistent consistent.

Were I you, I would go in check on her, but I wouldn't give cuddles, drink of water etc. You keep offering her comfort, so she keeps waking for it. I might go in, make sure she is ok and then say. " your water is by your bed, mummy is tired and going back to sleep. I love you good night." There is no negotiating with a 3 yr old toddler at 2am. She may cry and wail, in which case you can repeat this, but i would keep communication to a minimum and just check that she is ok. Once she realises that she isn't getting cuddles, and drinks of water and late night tuck-ins she will lose the incentive to wake. It won't be easy and it may take over a week but it will happen!

I really really wish you the best of luck......after my sleep issues with my son, I realised why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!!

My DD is 3y2m and used to wake multiple times each night. We've got it down to 1 or 0 wake ups with a combination of -

• fixed bedtime routine with extra cuddles before bedtime - dunno why but research suggests it helps
• 3 min rule - very hard work to stick to, but wait 3 mins before responding in the night
• no eye contact & no talking & no cuddles in the night. If she wakes, I stand in her room and watch her have a drink / arrange teddy on her own, then I put the duvet on her, pat her back and walk out. I try to be as dull and robotic as possible (not hard when tired!) I wouldn't try CIO with a toddler as they are too wilful. But it is definitely possible for a 3 y old to learn to sleep more.

Good luck.