Am I shit at reading my son's cues?

[noheroicsplease]

My 16 week, 13lb DS goes down at 7pm, dreamfeed at 10.30-11, and then is in the habit of waking or getting very restless in his sleep between 3-4.30am. Previously I'd have fed him (FF), but slowly decreased the amount. One night last week he didn't even really wake, but just thrashed around, resettled, and then woke at 6.45 and I fed him at 7am as I do.

My point is - every night he wakes around the same time. It's a habit. He never 'emotionally' cries as in he's hungry. He's grizzly, protests a bit, if he wakes he sounds grumpy but I think he just needs resettling. So I think he needs shush/pat and to help him through the cycle so that he carries on sleeping.

DH thinks he needs milk, however small amount. Last night, he woke again. DH got up, I said just shush/pat him. He said let's feed him. I got up. Shush/patted him, he fell back to sleep. He woke again around 5.30, grizzled, then fell back to sleep again until 6.45 when I looked in his cot and he was awake, smiling.

Am I wrong not to feed him? Am I reading his cues wrong? I have no problem feeding him if I thought he was hungry. But I don't think he is. That said, I don't want to deprive him.

He'd let you know if he was really hungry by screaming the house down. Sounds like you're doing the right thing.

I think so, but I just read a thread about dropping night feeds and most of the posters babies were still getting night feeds some way down the line

my 10 week old has the same sort of pattern! He will wake between 3 and 4 and grizzle,however,Im pretty sure he's not hungry as I can re-settle him,not much help but I will watch this thread as I often wonder why it is he wakes at the same time each night...

i think it's absolutely normal for a 16 week old to still need milk in the night.
I also don't think that it is just "habit" for a 16 week old to wake up... he can't make himself wake up, if he was tired and sleeping how would he just wake himself up?? doesn't make any sense

anyway, personally i would rather give milk when he first wakes, than have to resettle him 2 or 3 times before morning.

btw, 16 weeks is very common age for a BIG growth spurt

But ThisisYesterday - why isn't he crying for food if he's hungry?

he is. and you're settling him back down... full on crying is one of the last feeding "cues" your child has. before that he will open and close his mouth, chew his hands, grizzle.... etc etc

you're just settling him in that phase and hoping he'll sleep longer. which he does.
but you have no guarantee that you won't still be resettling him 2 or 3 times a night in a few months time do you? which is far more disruptive to sleep than just feeding him when he wakes the first time surely??

anyway, that's just what i'd do

That's fair enough - I can see what you're saying. I'll think about it. It's not that I have any massive desire for him to sleep longer - as you say he's surfacing even if he's surfacing to eat or just because he can't resettle - but I don't want to get into feeding habit every time he wakes in night. I don't think that's right for him, either.

Agree with tiy. It's a mistake to think that unless there is full-throated yelling going on a baby isn't hungry.

In your situation I would just feed him and then you'll get another few hours of sleep rather than more wake-ups.

You are entering classic growth-spurt territory - so feeding whenever he wakes would be absolutely the right thing to do.

I'm going to disagree, I think you're doing the right thing settling without milk if not obviously hungry. IME babies do wake up from habit sometimes, and after a couple of nights of resettling may just sleep through that bit of the night again. In the long term it is better for baby to get a really good nights sleep, and better for you!

I don't think a baby who wakes in night is always hungry. They can be cold. In a lighter sleep cycle, and not easily resettled.