6 mo sleep training help - first night done, what to do now!

[BoSho]

My 6mo has never been a great sleeper, but lately (since I started BLW) he's been waking every couple of hours and I've been co sleeping in the spare bed and bf'ing him, all night (every couple of hours). But, I'm fed up and want my life back, so last night I decided not to feed him every time he woke up, and it worked. He had his bedtime feed at 8pm, then another at 11pm, then woke (crying and with the farts) at 12.30, 1.30, 3, 4.30 and 6, and I managed to get him back to sleep quite easily (holding him then swaddling him) and only fed him at 4 and 6, which is what I'd like to get to if possible.

So, since I'm here, what else do I need to do to make him a good sleeper? He always goes down well, but only if I lie with him to get him sleepy, then transfer him to his cot.

Should I also be helping him to self settle at this stage, and is this a good time to try that, or should I just concentrate on cutting out all the extra feeds first, and then concentrate on getting him to settle himself?

I think the self settling and night waking are very much linked. As soon as all of mine learned to self settle they also woke up much less in the night.

I sleep trained DS and DD1 using controlled crying at about 8 months. Put them down, went back to lay them down again but didnt get them out of cot etc. Once they could self settle quickly at bedtime they stopped waking in the night.

As DD2 was sharing a bedroom and I was still feedng her at night I encouraged her to go to sleep on her own for daytime sleeps first. This was easier as I had more energy.

I was worried CC would be the way forward. What you say about self settling and waking in the night makes perfect sense. DS used to be able to self settle, more or less, but then I ruined it all by letting him sleep on the bed with me and now he can't at all .

Think I'll try to avoid the CC, get my books back out, and try the Baby Whisperer shush/pat, pick-up/ put-down method during the day at first (good idea). This method drives me completely nuts, but hopefully I can summon up a little patience for the greater cause...!

I'm going thru a similar thing at the moment with 6 month old DD. She was waking loads in the night but when I fed her it wouldn't necessarily settle her so was kind of wasting my time feeding her as it wasn't what she needed.

So on Monday night I decided I would feed her at 11pm and then not again til morning. When she wakes in the night, which is always around 3am, I never leave her, just pick her up if she's really, really crying and then put her down when she stops. I then put a firm hand on her shoulder and just stay with her while she's crying (I'm very confident she's not hungry so I'm not worried about that). Occasionally i'll just say 'ssssh' so she definitely knows I'm there. We've had varying lengths of awake time, 1 hr 45 mins being the worst to just 20 mins last night.

I don't think it's cruel for them to cry if you can rule out hunger, which you can probably do at 5 months, esp if you've already fed her a couple of times in the night, which you say you've done, and if you don't leave their side.

I'm really hoping that we keep seeing some improvement in our situation by what I'm doing - it's definitely a slow process but as long as you're consistent, I think things will get better!

How can you rule out hunger though lovelymama? Were you really stood there whilst she cried for 1 hour and 45 mins?! Why do you think she was waking up? I'd be very upset doing that to my son. That's why I can't do CC I think. I'm waaay too soft

Sit by the cot and pat or cuddle him but dont get him out. Offer water in a cup, if he wont drink it then you'll know he's not hungry or thirsty, just wanting the comfort of a feed.

I've been way softer with DD2 than the others, that's why she's nearly 2 and only just sleeping in her own bed. She's a sunny natured, chatty little sweetie and I'm lone parenting which I wasnt with the other 2 at this age. So that's what's worked for us and I'm not apologising for it.

I still sit by her bed while she goes to sleep (or whoever from family or friends whose visiting does to avoid her relying on just me). But she's not waking in the night now after a horrible period of enforced weaning because of me being admitted to hospital and now being on no breastfeeding medication. And she's never been really distressed in her bed, so I think that's been worth it.

BoSho,

I startd baby-led weaning my son at 6 months and he ended up with terrible tummy issues that were responsible for persistent night wakings till we stopped and went down the puree route.

His tummy issues became so bad (farts, bad breath and general discomfort and crying -- but only at night) that we had to take him to a paed. She said that while BLW worked for some babies, it was not for all. Some babies really do have trouble gumming and digesting whole foods.

Anyway, once we started him on more digestible lumpy purees, things got so much better. He now sleeps though 12 hrs.....

I really would check that his tummy is ok before doing anythin more drastic than what you are trying.....

I couldn't do CC either but my DS was a terrible sleeper - used to wake 1-2 hourly..... we started by working on naps and self settling using a sort of PUPD technique - I would put him down and leave but return if he cried and reassure him. If he got very distressed I picked him up and put him down again when calm. I sometimes stayed until he was asleep but not touching him once he was calm. I then began leaving the room before he was asleep. We then tackled night waking with my DP settling on all but two of the night wakes. I would BF him on those two wake ups. It took about a month of being consistent to get to where we are now - daytime cots of up to 90 mins in his nap and one wake up a night for BF. He sometimes complains going down for his naps but never more than 2 mins. It probably took longer than CC though!

Good luck HTH.

Just came back to this thread after being away, sorry for the delay. God, BigGLittleG, you've really made me think. DS has always been pretty gassy, and when he wakes he always has the farts (really, really forceful ones, and quite long and loud ones) so I wonder whether BLW is actually making it worse. Also, we're vegetarian, which probably doesn't help with the farts. I have a health visitor appointment next week so I'll talk to them about it.

And thanks for the details lots33. I am trying PUPD but it just seems to make him more distressed when I pick up and put down. I do wonder whether I'm just creating a prop whereby I have to be there with a hand on his chest whilst he sleeps, then creep out when he's asleep so I was wondering how that promotes self-soothing. I guess the answer is in what you say, that I need to gradually move away until I can leave whilst he's awake. One wake-up in the night is great though!

Sorry to hear about your problems ballstoit. I like the tip about the cup. I'll try that. Would a bottle also be OK? DS's never really used a cup. It's funny that you say the daytimes were easier for you because I'm finding them harder. At night he's much easier to get back to sleep because he's dosier, diring the day, he seems tired, but then fights it, and if I give in and get him up, then it's like he isn't tired at all. Quite confusing.

Will keep persevering, but feel like I have way too many issues to be consistent. Hopefully what I'm doing will show some results soon and I can stop second guessing everything. I'm not leaving him to cry, so I hope it can't be doing him much harm. I just worry that it is, because he really, really screams when I'm there.