Losing my confidence....

[legallyblond]

Excuse multiple posts of this - I am posting in breastfeeding, weaning and sleeping because it all seems wrong at the moment and I can't pinpoint where the problem is!

DD is 23 weeks (so, 5 and a half months) and is ebf. Up until a few weeks ago, I felt really confident with how I was choosing to "mother" her. She's ebf and weight gain has been great - she's 98th centile (born on 75th) and her height and head circum is off the chart (over 99.6th! Not too surprising asd I'm 5'11", although skinny with it).

I am the only person I know ebf, the only person with DD still in our room, the only person who doesn't (and never has) do crying it out with DD and the only person I know who wears DD in a sling. So you get the general idea... Not a problem before as all was going well, but now I am SERIOUSLY doubting myself and thinking I have got it all wrong!!!

1. DD used to sleep pretty well - she got down to 1 or 2 wakings in the night, although then she went to be at 10pm. She now goes to bed at 7pm (I used the no cry sleep solution ideas for a routine at that time because DD was starting to be very tired then) BUT wakes all night, often every 1 and a half hours. If I feed her, she eats and goes straight back to sleep so, for my sanity, this is what I've been doing. I just cannot bear to have her "crying it out" in the cot. I know I've been taking the easy option by offering the nipple (she is then asleep again within 5 minutes), but I have needed the sleep!!! Everyone I know is telling me I am wrong and have made a rod for my own back. Many have "blamed" bf on demand..

During the day I still feed on demand - she asks for it every 2 to 3 hours, so she is eating plenty!

1. I have started weaning DD (started at 21 weeks) with baby rice and fruit puree. when she's 6 months I plan to give lots of finger foods too (I am no purist about BLW etc!). BUT, DD is still not swallowing any of the baby rice after 3 weeks. She just spits it all out. If she's not interested or at all upset, I just stop. A bit like with the crying it out, I really don't want to force feed her is she doesn't want it, but also like the crying it out, everyone around me is telling me I am wrong!

1. Napping is also a nightmare - I have to "wear" her down to sleep in the sling if she doesn't fall asleep on the breast. Again, all friends say I should just put her in the cot and let her cry!

Please, any advice?

I am feeling a bit low and VERY tired from lack of sleep and just feel like I am doing this all wrong...

DD, by the way, remains happy as Larry.

I have just hit a bit of a brick wall..!

Hello there. My DS is 6mo and, like you, I have EBF him. He was a fairly good sleeper until he hit 4mo, when things got a bit crazy and he was waking 4 times a night, sometimes more. Like you, for the sake of my sanity I gave him a few minutes of nipple and he went back to sleep. I felt deeply unsettled about doing this though, and felt it really wasn't in his best interest for me to be coaxing him back to sleep in this way. But hey, it's knackering, and I just couldn't let him cry...

I moved him in to his own cot in his own room at 5 months and it has made a huge difference. We disturb him less when we go to bed and he has lots more space to stretch out (he's a very mobile sleeper...!). He stills wakes on average twice a night (he goes to bed at 7pm) and most of the time I feed him, but sometimes he just grizzles a bit, shuffles around and then puts himself back to sleep. There is no way he would do that with me sleeping less than a metre away.

This is the best advice I have. I was very apprehensive about moving him, but all three of us get much better sleep as a result. He also naps better in his own room as it is much darker.

With regard to the weaning, I really wouldn't push it. I didn't start giving my DS solids until he hit 6mo (less than a week ago) and very little is actually being swallowed. I think that's entirely normal at this stage though, no? I really do think most babies start doing things when they are ready to start doing them.

Doubting yourself and questioning your decisions is healthy to a certain extent, I think. I certainly do. And it's hard to trust your instinct when you're exhausted. But if your DD is happy and healthy then you can't be doing much wrong. Keep telling yourself that.

Don't beat yourself up - if she's happy as larry, then you should congratulate yourself! She's clearly thriving so the way you've chosen to mother her has resulted in a happy, healthy little girl. Well done!

For what it's worth, your parenting style sounds very similar to mine and i too have a very happy, healthy little boy.

With the weaning, it could be just that she's not quite ready. Keep trying and one day she'll surprise you. Just getting used to the feel of different textures/ flavours in her mouth is a good start. My niece had a slow start, just pushed food around in her mouth before spitting it back out. It took my sister several weeks, but now there's no stopping her and she's a fantastic little eater. For what it's worth i think you're doing the right thing by not forcing the issue with her. If you turn meal times into a battle of wills, it will never be enjoyable (i'm of a mindset whereby eating should be a happy, sociable occasion) and you'll create further problems down the line. This is just basic psychology. A baby does not have the capacity to understand why you are remonstrating with her. It's different as they get older an are simply trying it on.

On sleep, my DS is 17 weeks and was getting a great routine, waking only once at night. He hit 14/ 15 weeks and his night time sleep has been sporadic ever since. Sometimes he'll wake once, sometimes (like last night) he'll wake every two hours and is awake for the day at 6! I too feed him when he wakes at night and question whether i am doing the right thing. But i can't just let him cry it out, since he is the kind of baby who only ever cries because he's a) tired or b) hungry. My niece went through a bad sleep stage at a similar age, my sister fed her to sleep and she's now a great sleeper and always has been, with just an occasional blip. I do think BR44 has a point though re. sleeping in another room. TBH i don't think we' far away from trying that, simply because he's quickly becoming too big for his moses basket! I do wonder whether my DS wakes more frequently because he knows i'm 'on tap' for him.

With napping, have you tried getting her to self settle and using shhh/ pat rather than cry it out?

Sounds perfectly healthy to me, she could probably just do with a helping hand in the right direction. Sort the naps out first (you have more time and energy during the day) and get her to self settle and the night time will hopefully fall back into place again.

Good luck.

Hey - I just wanted to post as have had very similar feelings myself at 6 months (DS is 8 months). I had also been very baby led but started to wonder if it was suiting DS anymore. I think you need to ask yourself first if you have lost confidence because you feel you're not meeting DD's needs or because everyone around you is doing things differently, and advising you to as well!

If the latter, I would try not to worry and seek out like minded people (maybe try a La Leche League bf group?) and also have a look at websites like Dr Sears. Also the BLW forum is very good.

If the former, you can always make changes...I stopped feeding my DS to sleep recently after having done it for ages, plus he mainly sleeps in his cot now after months of co-sleeping. There was some crying, though, but I felt the changes would ultimately benefit everyone. (I don't think feeding to sleep is a terrible thing though...it must actually be quite normal as so many babies do it! It was just that my DS liked to use the boob as a dummy to get himself back to sleep).