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Sleep

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Original poster

Am I the only one with a baby with no routine?

21 replies

jubblicious · 17/03/2011 08:37

So, I've just been to my first mums coffee and baby morning. DS is nearly 15 weeks and doesn't sleep through the night. We've had a few weeks where he does for no apparent reason but the rest of the time, he generally sleeps around 11.30pm till 7/8 getting up for one or two feeds. We've also recently moved which has put his sleeping pattern off.

Anyway, all the mothers there had babies who slept from 7/8pm to 7am with feeds during the day every 4 hours. Now that sounds perfect, but it makes me feel so inadequate as if I am doing something wrong. How can all these women have perfect babies?

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CharlotteBronteSaurus · 17/03/2011 08:43

not at all. do you even want a routine in any case? they're not a must.

dd2 is 20 weeks, and has just started to form a bit of a pattern in the day. we are switching from bf to ff and she still wants feeding at least every 3.5 hours, often more frequently. she has never slept through, and i was wildly excited last night because she only woke once .

a loose bedtime routine is worth establishing, but other than that IMO they do want they want at this age.

Tamdin · 17/03/2011 08:46

I think that sounds good! Then again ds1 only started sleeping through the night at about 3 years and ds2 who is 10 weeks old is up every 2 hours. There, that make you feel better?! :o

NinkyNonker · 17/03/2011 08:47

I've only just started implementing one for dd and she is 7 mo. She had a bedtime routine from about 8 wks, but no daytime one. She was, and still us breastfed so it seemed a little pointless any sooner. Easier now because she has started on food so can structure the day a little more. But the routine we do have is based around her not me, and is flexible.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/03/2011 08:50

DS had no routine for months, we just got on with life and it was great.

Now as a toddler he sleeps brilliantly. V. happy in his bed, knows when he is tired and asks to go to sleep and only wakes up in the night if he is poorly or has a bad dream.
Many friends who had babies that were on a strict routine are now having loads of problems with their toddlers waking in the night, not sleeping until 10pm.

Sleeping is a long game, and you will get there. BTW, their babies are no more perfect than yours, and don't allow yourself to be persuaded that they are :)

ElsieR · 17/03/2011 08:54

Don't feel inadequate, I think you are doing well! Like you I was not routine mad esp at the beginning because DS used to change his feeding/sleeping pattern so much!

Now we sort of have an evening pattern (as in DS goes to bed at the same time every night, that's about it).

I also thing that sticking to a strict routine can be a life saver for some people or soul destroying in your baby isn't keen to stick to it. It understand it's quite a battle to make your baby follow it.

In short, you should do what works for you.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 17/03/2011 08:57

TAMDIN!!!
i remember you from sleep is for the week donkey's years ago. Huge congrats on DS2.

Original poster

jubblicious · 17/03/2011 08:58

Lol, tamdin. as great as these coffee mornings are, mums just want to say how fabulous their baby is and when you can't say the same, they justhave this look of pity. Thing is DSis a very happy baby so I resolutely complain.

I have started to make sure he has a bath everynight at around the same time, kicks about for a while then try to put him to sleep by 7Pm. Some days it works, some days it doesn't. Last night he woke up at midnight and went back to sleep at 3am.

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2littlegreenmonkeys · 17/03/2011 09:16

Goodness do not feel inadequate at all. Not everyone has or has to have a routine when you have DC. DD1 only started getting into a 'routine' at about 2yo, she is 3yo now. DD1 & DD2 are both in bed by 7pm and get up between 7.30am-8.30am (I like the 8.30am) DD1 kind of fell into this routine naturally not long after I had DD2 so once DD2 was moved to her own room (very late at about 11 mo) SS2 kind of fell in to the routine as well. I found it much easier than introducing it myself IYSWIM.

Your DS is only 15 weeks give it time, don't feel pressured unless you actually want to get into a routine with him. I doubt that the majority of mums who have their babies in a routine never get up with them in the night for a feed, some maybe, but most babies of that age will still require a feed in the night.

Do what makes you feel comfortable and happy and what makes your baby happy.

missdt · 17/03/2011 09:22

Feeding every 4 hours in the day is quite a long time between feeds. Maybe their babies are older or maybe they have a big feed then a top-up. We never imposed a routine but just fell into one. You do realise that you do have a routine if generally the same things happen each night. If it suits you and baby don't worry about it. Ds is 19 weeks and it worked for us to just let him find his own routine and he now does 8.30 to 7 but we didn't try to make that happen. Days are not in a pattern as i do something different every day but he gets enough food and sleep so not worried for now. Its hard not comparing yourself to other seemingly perfect mums but you only see a snapshot of their life. There must be something they are finding more difficult than you!

vez123 · 17/03/2011 10:14

I only started implementing a routine when DS was 4.5 months old. But I was desperate for a routine tbh. It seemed like he was constantly on the boob and only sleeping when out in the pram. The unpredictability drove me mad! I think he was overtired and i mistook his crying for wanting to feed. I then started using shush pat and rocking to make him sleepy about 2 hours after waking and would then put him in the cot. And i kept moving his bedtime forward as well.
I think a routine is good for babies as it ensures they get enough sleep and food during the day and they know what's coming next.

But some babies fall into one much easier than others, and ultimately it is your choice and the most important thing is that your baby and you are happy!

matana · 17/03/2011 12:00

Only just got there with a daytime routine, which DS came to of his own accord when he was good and ready! He's nearly 17 weeks. Nights are really hit and miss and always have been, what with colds, teething, growth spurts etc. Mine too will occasionally do a long stretch for no apparent reason, but generally still needs one or two feeds throughout the night. I believe this is good and many parents would kill for it.

Be led by your baby, relax and enjoy. Eventually a pattern will emerge and you can encourage structure based on what's right for your particular baby.

I have heard that breastfed babies will take longer to go through the night because the calorie content isn't as high as formula and is more easily digested. I also think there may be some truth that girls go through the night sooner than boys. If you look at the differential calorie needs of men and women, it's no surprise that little boys are hungrier. Don't beat yourself up - you're doing a fab job!

Quenelle · 17/03/2011 14:27

Don't feel inadequate. Sounds like your DS is doing really well, he sleeps much better than my DS did at that age. Anyway, maybe they're not all telling the complete truth...?

And even if they are and all their babies are absolutely perfect, it will be their turn to struggle with something soon. Everybody does.

Tamdin · 17/03/2011 14:39

barryscott! Hello. Haven't been on mn for about 3 years. Was wondering if any of you guys were still about? Is cod still causing havoc with her scathingly honest but witty posts?!
As you can see I now have second ds who doesn't sleep either but am going with the flow this time and enjoying every minute. How are things with you?

Sorry for thread hijacking :o

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 17/03/2011 15:49

glad you are well
dd2 is 20 weeks, and not one of life's natural sleepers either. and yes, cod is still around. she namechanges regularly but you'll be able to spot her.

Tamdin · 17/03/2011 15:59

Congrats on DD2 to you too :)
good to 'see' a familiar face. Will be on the look out for any others. Although probably all name changed by now!

Sorry hijack over :)

MrsBloomingTroll · 17/03/2011 17:57

I felt like that when DD was small. Don't worry about it!

Routines do NOT suit every baby. I tried and tried to implement a routine with my DD, to no avail. She resisted at every turn.

Then she started nursery at 6 months and they didn't even attempt to enforce a routine. They let her continue to go-with-the-flow until 9 months or so. Parents of routine-loving babies found it quite frustrating, because their DC's routines sometimes got messed up.

Other mums exaggerate, mean different things by "sleeping through", etc.

Wait until they have a DC2 who doesn't "do" routine or sleep well, and laugh inside as you listen to them complain...then remind them it's what you went through with your DS!

Original poster

jubblicious · 17/03/2011 18:03

Thanks everybody! I don't feel so bad now!

DS is BF and demand feeding. And i saw these women look at their watch and feed on the dot. Whereas, I think id DS is hungry, he'll let me know. And the chubby chops normally wants to be fed every 3 hours. Sometimes more often, sometimes less.

You all are wonderful....thanks

OP posts:

MrsBloomingTroll · 17/03/2011 18:27

My DD was also a demand-fed bf baby, FWIW!

izpie · 17/03/2011 20:05

DD is 14.5wks, ebf and demand fed, for the last few weeks she has eaten more or less every 2 hours day and night - guess you could call that a routine but it's a rubbish one! Sleep is also rubbish and absolutely no pattern or routine day or night. So you are definitely not alone. Have decided to try and get dd to go longer between feeds but I think that's about as much as I can manage tackling for now.

limpingbint · 17/03/2011 20:15

I have bed shared and demand fed all of my 4 and they are all really different - We have never had a routine mainly because then I have to stick to it!

In my lengthy experience mainly the boasty 'my baby sleeps through' mummies are full of shit - they are the same mummies who casually ask about infant reading levels in the playground in a passive aggressive game one up-manship

Honestly I have a little one of almost 7 months - some nights he sleep through. sometimes not - it's no biggie - I also have a 2 year old who sleeps well but sometimes up at 5 and other times at 7..... it all works itself out.

beela · 18/03/2011 09:03

What limpingbint said - the other mums are full of shit! Noticed this when one mum was going on about her DD who 'never' cries, then 5 mins later she was telling me that she had to read to her to stop her crying last night - take it all with a pinch of salt!

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