Two awful sleepers - advice desperately needed

[MonkeyandParrot]

Apologies becuase this is long
I have two DD - DD1 is 2.5 and has always been a poor sleeper. I feel I have been through every sleep method with her and anything I do works for a week and then she regresses back to her old habits. She co-sleeps in with me which I'm fine about and when she is asleep, pretty much sleeps through apart from one night wee on the potty but she snuggles back into me quite happily. The problem is getting her to sleep. DD2 still has a 30 - 40 min breastfeed in the evenings and she has learnt to exploit the fact that i am tied to the sofa. She repeatedly gets up out of bed either screaming or quietly pottering around destroying everything in sight. I usally end up giving in a lying down with her while i feed but even then it can take up to an hour for her to settle and she kicks, pinches and pulles my hair while settling.

DD2 is 14 months and has only just weaned onto solids due to severe gastic reflux and heartburn. She has never slept well because of her sore tummy and constant vomiting but she is now on medication and not vomiting. She pretty much sleeps on the boob tbh as I have always been too exhausted from the nightly battle with the toddler. She feeds bi hourly at night but i have been told by the dietican to drop this to 4 hourly to try and increase her intake of solids.

We have a set bed time routine of supper, bath, TV, stories, prayers and songs which the girls love. The trouble starts when we sing the last song - DD1 starts sobbing that 'mummy is going' and its downhill from there.

I have had enough and am beyond exhausted. I'm a lone parent and have recently met a new partner and would like to go out on dates in the evenings! So how to i break this cycle? I need to teach DD2 and DD1 to self settle - do I do both together or one at a time?

Most importantly I think is why does DD1 regress within a week? Is this common? I tried controlled crying (which i hated), phased withdrawl, rocking to sleep, repeatedly putting her back (supernanny style) and patting all took three days to work (this is over 2.5 years - I always left 3 months before trying something different) but within a week she was back to fighting sleep. Is this solvable?

Thanks to anyone who manages to read that ramble

Other than the CC method. I think you should pick the method you felt most comfortable with.

Children test boundaries and like to be in control. After a week of it all going smoothly, she thought hang on a minute, this is forever! I don't want to sleep here, I want to sleep with mummy.

She will test you, but as long as you are consistent, she will learn that she needs to sleep in her bed.

I would put her to bed after DD2 has been BF, for 2 reasons. 1 you are putting her out of the way whilst spending time with DD2 and she is missing out.
2 you will be prepared and ready and DD2 won't have a disrupted supper.

What time does DD1 and 2 go to bed?

For DD2 I would try shhh/pat. I think that works better for that age

Make sure she goes down awake and get her to sleep in the cot. You can at first get her semi asleep and build up from there.

As for night time feeds. When she wakes, don't lift her out the cot. Unless she is distressed and needs calming. Just lay her down and start your method again. Night feeds are habitual now so she won't suffer from not having them, she just may not like it at first.

I would tackle them at once. Focus your energy and stand your ground, and get it done. If DD1 can see its not just her its DD2 too, she may take it easier.

HTH

Thanks - I hadn't thought of DD1 feeling left out so that makes a lot of sense. Trouble is DD2 doesn't feed very well when her sister is around as DD1 constantly bothers DD2! Not sure how to solve that.

Currently, DD1 goes to bed between 7 and 8 depending on her day time nap (usally 1.30 to 2.30 pm but sometimes later) and DD2 between 8 and 9 depending on DD1 but as she still has two daytime naps.

Right, starting tonight should be fun..............

I think DD1 is old enough to understand that actually this time is DD2 meal time. Tell her that for a short time you will be feeding DD2 but afterwards it can be DD1's quiet mummy cuddle time. Just 5 minutes cuddling, or add in a book. Make it her special mummy time. But DD2 needs it too. It must be hard having no.one to distract her and give her the attention but if she gets her special mummy time after she should accept it more and leave DD2 to it.

Depends on you obviously but I personally would put DD2 to bed a bit early, but the time could be dictated by DD1 at the moment I understand that.

You could get DD1 involved. Tell DD1 that its bed time now. So time to put DD2 into bed. Then go and put DD1 to bed.
Tell dd1 that you are just going to settle DD2 then will be back for another night night kiss. But please stay in your bed quietly so DD2 can go to sleep. Then hopefully DD1 will fall asleep alone, but that would be pretty magical LOL but if she has stayed there then her wind down and quiet time should make.going to sleep quicker. If she leaves her room. Make the boundaries of she can't come in to DD2 and she has to be quiet, in the hallway where its cold and lonely... her bed will soon be the nicest warmest place to be.

The idea is that DD1 is now at the ache where she is exploring her independence and wants to set her authority above DD2 whilst at the same time being a little girl who loves her mummy and wants her attention. So make her feel loved and grown up by being helpful. Plus she knows DD2 is in bed and not getting you to herself.

And then.... after a few tears and tantrums (cos that's just going to happen at first) you get suite you time every evening whilst the babies are in bed :)

Jesibe any chance you could come to my house and hold my hand tonight? You sound very experienced!

All seems to make sense - my problem is that i live i flat so if i leave DD1 to settle while I put DD2 to bed she has the run of the flat to cause mayhem and distruction (its child proof ). Guess i'll just have to redecorate in a few weeks.

Just to be firm and set clear understandable boundaries.

If I could I would. But i'll happily hold your hand virtually throughout instead, I think its the next best thing.