24 weeks and still not sleeping!!

[nov75]

My dd is 24 weeks old ad was EBF until last week whe I introduced some solids. She has ever gone more than 4 hours at night in her cot, and thatson a good night. I am really struggling and almost 6 months of no sleep is making me sad. I can't plan anything anymore as I am so tired and hate going to baby club as i feel so alone (only breast feeder out of 20+ mums). Starting to feel it's the breast feeding thats making this seem worse as I cannot get any help at night. DH works nights so I am on my own and am hoping someone could offer me advice that will help. She is a peasant baby, just wants me all day and night! The introduction of a few solids has not made much of a difference as she still wakes almost every 2 hours from 8 pm till 5 am. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi Nov

Sorry to hear the sleep deprivation is getting to you...

DD is very similar to yours, as is my situation - the only breastfeeder in my circle still waking 2 to 4 hourly.

You have a couple of options I would say - try some kind of sleep training (how do you feel about a bit of crying?) or ride with it and go with co-sleeping to maximise your sleep while letting your LO feed when she wants to.

The No-cry sleep solution is probably the most gentle "training" method, or you can do Baby Whisperer or controlled crying. Personally, and it is a personal thing, I am not a fan of any kind of training before a year. Co-sleeping is keeping me sane. The thing I keep telling myself is she will grow out of it.

If you do train, you could start by saying you know she can go 4 hours, so you will only feed every 4 hours, between those times settle in other ways. This might help her realise she has to wait a little while for milk, and within a few nights, might go longer between wakings naturally.

Also, have you got a La Leche League near you? I found one near me the other week and went to my first meet a few days ago - it was so nice to meet other breast feeding mums who had tips and experience to share on night time parenting while breastfeeding. Made me feel a bit more normal!

We are co-sleeping once I can't settle her but again I am frowned upon for doing this. Have attended a LLL meeting but the next one is end of April so just needed to feel I am not alone. Don't want to do cc but will try to make her wait for her next feed, thanks for the tip. Just so tired and sick of smug people telling me to give her a bottle and she will go 7-7. I know this is only a short period in her lifetime and I want to give her the best start ie breast milk. Just feel I am not allowed to complain I am tired because I chose to do it "the hard way". Good job DH is amazing and tells me to stick with it. Right! Going to pull myself together and try to stay sane. Thanks for letting me sound off.

Nov75

Hi,

Sorry that you are having such a tough time. It must be really hard being the only one BF and co-sleeping in your circle of mums and babies. You should feel proud of yourself for sticking with it and doing the best for your DD. I don't really have any good advice but would say that it is a load of rubbish (in my opinion) that FF guarentees you a baby that sleeps through the night. I think to a certain extent a baby will either sleep through or not regardless of parenting styles.

Where I live there is a group called MOBS (mothers offering breastfeeding support), which is an excellent support if you are BF. I don't know whether this is just a local initiative though.

HOpe you can manage to find some more support locally and that things get easier as your DD gets older every day

Oh Nov - you are not alone!

I promise, and you are giving your DD a really good start.

Keep posting on here with like-minded people if it helps you. It seems to me we are really similar (I don't talk to my baby friends about sleeping anymore, as all I get is advice about getting her on the formula - nothing wrong with that, but it's just not what I am choosing to do). No one should be criticising your decision to breast feed and co-sleep, you know your little one better than anyone, and if that's how you choose to do things, then you stick with it!

I don't think you need to be FF to STTN, however, I am a great believer that you do need your baby to sleep, so you can sleep, cos a tired mummy is not as happy and on the ball as a fresh mummy.

Your LO does not need to be fed during the night anymore. And she now goes in with you out of habit.

Sometimes just tweaking your day time routine helps tremendously. It's amazing what a difference it can make when your LO goes to bed over tired.

What is your day time routine?

I know it's little comfort, but my DS (just turned 6 months) is an awful sleeper. He was EBF for the first 3 months, mix fed for the next month and completely on formula at 4 months.

And switching to formula did not affect his sleep a jot

I started a few spoons of puree last week, and he seemed to sleep a bit better. Then, last night, he slept 6.30pm - 4am Up til then the best he had ever done was 5 1/2 hours, and that was so so rare. But he hardly ate anything yesterday, so I can't claim he was so full of food he didn't wake for milk.

I honestly think he is just taking a while to learn to self settle (he co-slept for the first 3 months, as it was that or not sleep at all. Not ideal, but you do what you must, don't you?) and be able to get into a deep sleep.

Am praying he repeats it again tonight and that this is a step forward. Even if he doesn't, I know that he can do it, he doesn't need feeding in the night, and he will eventually get there.

I know that's not the advice you wanted, but imo, it's just a question of waiting :)

My baby is younger but I just wanted to let you know my baby sleeps the same amount of time or slightly less when she has a bottle of formula. So, formula really doesn't make that much difference or any at all for many people. Does your DD self settle? How are her naps?

I agree that switching to FF doesn't make a difference to night waking, nor does weaning them! Unfortunately some babies just need mum to help them get back off to sleep each time they wake.
I agree with the poster who said they don't like sleep training before a year - it can be quite hardcore, if you have a baby who really wants you in the night, and I don't think I could bear to do it to a baby that young.
My DD woke 2 - 6 times a night, every night, until she was 15 months old. And would spend most nights in with us from about 2am.
At 15 months old, I did sleep training on her, it was called Sleep Sense and it was a form of CC but you stay in the room with them to reassure.
It worked a treat and by night 4 she slept through, and has ever since.
What I'm trying to say is, if you're not sure about sleep training yet, rest assured that you're not 'making a rod for your own back' and that sleep training can work a treat when they're a little older, like my DD.
Good luck with it, I do understand how tired you are, but soon it will seem a distant memory, I promise

Is it really worth making yourself so sad and not fully enjoying these early months because you are so tired? In the scheme of things, some ff will be of no detriment and could help her sleep through, it may be worth a try? Your strict bf principles are admirable but may be counterproductive. You can't get these months back.

FF didnt help my dd sleep one bit.

Do what you want to do, if you want to co-sleep breastfeed all night long then do what makes you and your baby happy.

I know everyone says this but this is such a short period, and be over so soon. (Then you'll have another forgetting what the early days were like!)

I disagree with above posters that say they dont NEED feeding at night. I think sometimes they do or just want a cuddle or a little drink.( Just like an adult would wake in the night for)

My only tip would be when she goes down at night go to bed with her.(even if its 7pm) TV, internet and housework will all be there in the morning.

Do what you feel is right.

Where abouts are you? Maybe try some new groups where more mums are bf?

have a glass and go to bed.

I don't have strict bf principles! If I thought ff was the answer then I would have done it by now. Agree she will get there eventually and some babies need more than others. Think it is definitely a comfort thing for her and as she was premature it's probably harder for both of us to let go. All advice has been great and it's the support that is most valuable. Managed 5 hours broken sleep last night so feel tons better. Just worry it will never get better when I feel so exhausted, but obviously it will. She has started to nap during the day during the past two weeks so maybe she is very slowly getting there.

My ds was FF and didn't sleep. Dd1 was ebf and slept so now dd2 is ebf and not a sleeper I am not inclined to blame the bf. Other people are and the baby group I went to was so judgey. And we do blw as well. I'm clearly insane. Not having to deal with this crap any more is the best thing about being back at work. Dh takes dd2 to toddlers on a Thursday and they all think he's mad because he gives her finger food. At 9 months!!! Sod them!
Dd2 is sleeping much better this past 2 weeks so you will get there. I have found giving in to it and not being upset or worried by sleeplessness makes it easier to cope. Oh and caffeine!

Thanks. That's exactly how I feel. I don't judge people for ff or weaning at 3 months. Yet I am judged for trying to do what I feel is best. Will take on board what you said about not stressing about it. At the end of the day I have a healthy happy baby who loves night time feeding. :-)

nov75 - will she take a bottle at all? i.e. of expressed milk? If your DH is around during the daytime, could you leave him with a bottle and your DD, and get some rest yourself?