what is wrong with my DC? Why won't they sleep!! Very long, sorry :(

[25goingon95]

We have had 5 years now of rubbish sleep. DH and i agreed last night that there is no point in us going to bed. From the second we get in bed, our DC take it in turns to cry for no sodding reason. If we watch a film in the evening DH and i have to take turns to go upstairs and re-settle one or both of them 4 times in the space of 2 hours. We go up to bed and it continues. 14MO dc starts crying so im up to put her dummy back in. I get back in bed, she starts again. I do same thing over and over until i get into bed and it is silent. Usually an hour or 2 after i first got into bed.

A bit later (but not long enough for me to fall asleep), 5yo DC starts. She screams and cries really loud, nothing i say or do will stop her crying, just cry cry cry. Then when she comes round a bit she settles back down. I go back to bed. 2 Mins later she starts again. I go back in, re-settle her and go back to my bed. Maybe do this 2 more times. By this time usually 3 or 4 hours have passed since DH and i went to bed and we have not yet slept.

Then after about an hour of sleep for DH and I, 14mo DC starts again, appears to be wide awake. Usually lasts an hour or so. The more i try to settle her, the louder she screams at me. If we ignore her she screams louder. Then 5yo starts crying as she has been disturbed so DH goes in there and i battle with the baby trying to get her to lie down. End up giving her a 9oz bottle of milk some nights. All finally goes quiet around 4am but baby wakes crying a further 3 or 4 times, settles quickly then wakes for the day around 7am.

DH and i get around 3 hours of unbroken sleep a night, if we are lucky. DH works 12 hour days and i can't function in the day on so little sleep. Im ratty and exhausted. It is killing us, we feel ill. DD1 once went to stay at my mums but cried for me so came back at 1am. Thats it. We haven't had a night off for 5 years. DD1 was worse that DD2 as a baby though, she was up ALL night. I suffered terrible PND and anxiety at that time.

What on earth can we do?? Honestly, we dread night time and it upsets me so much to think that DH might dread coming home to us as he is just beyond exhausted :(

They both have a solid routine, both eat well, drink lots, they are very happy children. 14MO has one nap a day after the school run in the morning, lasts around 2 hours. They both go to sleep by themselves no problem at 7pm.

The problem is as soon as they cry we jump to them. So it is our fault isn't it. But we have left them, and they have both cried and screamed until they were sick. No fun at all changing a cot and a bed at 3am. Plus not good for them to get so worked up.

What can we do? Any advice? :(

Thanks littlefrog.

Right we will do the early nights with DD1. She does have an hour of winding down before bed, then either a couple of stories read to her or a story CD.

Gah..here comes the guilt. Bloody hell i clearly don't know what im doing at all. Im so tired.

Thanks for all your suggestions.

Actually it might help a GP/HV if you make a note of details like what they've eaten, what time they're in bed and up in the morning and all you can manage of the night wakings, how long, what they did etc.

A week or so of this will pick up any patterns that are there. (and convince them if they're a little sceptical of the severity)

Good idea autumnwitch thanks.

25 what you describe sounds like classic night terror.

If DS has one they are often around 11pm/midnight too. Definitely worth going in to her say around half eleven, and not necessarily waking her fully but just rousing her a little - adjust her duvet, stroke her hair, give her a kiss - just something to 'disturb' her sleep cycle a little rather than a full wakeup. Worth giving it a go, anyway.

Reading through your description of her behaviour really reminded me of my younger sister who had some horrendous night terror/sleepwalking episodes as a child. In her case though they were triggered by anxiety following a major house move, rather than overtiredness, but she used to do something very similar - get out of bed, screaming, wringing her hands, glassy eyed expression etc. You wrote that your DD is a very happy little girl so anxiety may not be an issue here - but it might be worth building a bit of 'wind down' chat about your evening routine, perhaps whilst she's in the bath for example? so that she can chat to you about anything that might have worried her during the day?

And definitely do try moving her bedtime forward a bit - sounds crazy I know but sometimes an earlier bedtime can help my DC sleep a bit later in the morning - sleep begets sleep and all that. Even if she still wakes between 5 and 6, if she falls asleep a bit earlier then she will still be getting just that bit more sleep and it might just help.

oh and don't feel guilty - please don't - sleep deprivation is a killer and you have been doing the absolute best you can for your girls. Some children are just more susceptible to night waking type stuff than others (my DS2 for example has had none of the problems DS1 had at his age, yet he has a far more disrupted type routine being second child - he's just a different character). So don't feel guilty.

Thanks so much dietcoke. I can't help feeling guilty :( I feel rubbish about it all tonight.

Tomorrow is a new day anyway, i will go in to DD1 tonight and do the kissing and adjusting duvet to see if that makes any difference. Then tomorrow do bedtime earlier. With Baby DD i will try the PUPD.

Am off to bed before they start! Thanks everyone.

You have nothing to feel guilty for! Night terrors aren't caused by anything you (or the children) do.

We are in a very very similar position, though my youngest will at least go to sleep if he's left alone (though difficult in a 2bed house if DD decides she's not sleeping).

Overtiredness is what sparks DD(5) off- plus she has a bit of an issue with falling asleep, and can react very badly if DS drops off very quickly, or asks to go to bed.

We are struggling on- haven't had longer than 5 hours straight sleep in 5 years. It is a killer.

DD screamed almost constantly for the first 14months of her life, so at least that has dropped a little

Can you go to bed any earlier- at one point DH and I slept in shifts- he'd sleep 6:30-midnight, then I'd sleep midnight-wake-up. It meant we felt a bit more rested- I was still woken by DD's screaming, but didn't have to get out of bed!

Thanks captainnancy!

Im feeling much better today. I was worrying after reading that it can be caused by anxiety, that maybe DD had something on her mind and i hadn't noticed..but she got into bed with me at 6.30am and we had a snuggle, and i told her she had been distressed again in the night. She asked why, and i said i don't know but sometimes it can happen if you are worried about anything or have something bothering you. I asked her if there is anything she wanted to chat with me about and she said no. So i feel better about that. She only cried out 3 times last night! Once was the night terror i posted about last night. The other two times she was dreaming i think.

Baby DD also had an ok night! She woke 4 times but settled quite quickly. So we had a better sleep. Today i need to read up a bit more on what i plan to do and then sit down with DH and explain.

Im going to call the dr and get an appointment for DD1 about night terrors too.

Captainnancy sorry you are going through this too! DD1 also screamed constantly for the first year and a half! She is great now, apart from these night terrors.

How are things OP?