18 mths of no sleep - not sure how much more I can take

[Youngie]

Hi, I posted before, but am hoping to get perhaps some more ideas of help please.

In a nutshell, DD (2nd child) has been a bad sleeper from the word go. We had 2 mths of blissful sleep at about 10mths, but that was it. She used to give us some respite a few nights a month - since January she's been up every night.

I got so exhausted when I went back to work that in the end we had to do the worst thing and resort to bringing her into our bed when she woke in the night. If even it was that easy - she still wakes on average 3 times a night AFTER she's come into our bed, and will only settle once she feels my hair and knows I'm there. She also is waking up for the day earlier and earlier - 5:30 or 6:00.

I'm so tired I feel ill, I've no energy for the kids, and I can barely string a coherent sentence together in work. I know the theory of what i should be doing - cry it out, or gradual withdrawal, but honestly we're both too tired to manage either at the moment.

I know she's a bad teether (8 left to go and counting). Has anyone else been through this and they've eventually outgrown it themselves, or is a week of staying up through the night playing mummy tough the only answer?

I'm honestly starting to get to the point where I'm not sure how much longer I can go on having broken sleep every night.

Please - all suggestions welcome!

Buy Toddler Taming by christopher Green or check out supernanny's site. Prepare youself to be mean!

hi youngie, no great advice really but our ds was like that until he was about 2 (also with a few months of sleeping well early on to fool us!) but it did get better - we did buy Toddler taming and the advice in there is good and (imho) not too scary and i think that it was slowly bringing in that approach that worked in the end. I really really don't like to leave our kids crying but his approach was gentle we thought - and we were desperate! Much sympathy - I have never felt so awful or miserable than I did during that time!
all the best

I just wanted to put in another vote for Toddler Taming. It's not fair on anyone in your family to continue the way you are and all of you will benefit from getting more sleep. Knowing the hell you are going through - and I do - I am 100% certain of this.

My ds did not sleep through reliably until 18 months. It was really hard - as you know!

At 18 months we decided that he could understand that we were telling him why we were going to leave him to go to sleep by himself (up until then we often had to be there as he was dropping off as well as the numerous times he woke up in the night). We decided to try CC, despite having being vehemently against it until that point. We felt fairly desperate. We left him for 5 mins three times (ie for 20 mins) on the first night and then he slept through, and the next night he had a little moan for a few minutes but we didn't have to go back in. After that we've never had a problem with putting him down, and he also started reliable sleeping through,

He is now 26 months and I can honestly say I got my life back that first night, but I think we were extremely lucky he just 'got it'. We still always go into him when he wakes and I don't think he's ever going to be a perfect sleeper, but I'd say he wakes up once a week/ once a fortnight max, and then only for a short period of time.

We had to get to the stage where we were desperate enough to try CC, but for us by waiting til this point he was able to understand when we told him 'it's time for night-night now'.

I realise this might not necessarily work for you but I hope it gives you some hope.

How does she nap? Night waking and early morning waking are often signs of overtiredness from being awake for too long at once without having another nap.

18 months is tough too as there's a very common sleep regression then. (More info here and here and here.) It sounds as if the current waking pattern might have started in the 13 month regression - often babies who wake a lot continue the frequent waking once the developmental spurt is over.

I sympathise though: until recently my 14 m.o. DS was waking 3-5 times every night, although he's suddenly improved on his own to once a night. We co-sleep, which we love and helps me get much better sleep but I appreciate that not everyone enjoys it as much as I do.

If you're thinking about CC / gradual withdrawal, it's worth trying to work out if your DD is a baby who increases tension by crying or releases tension by crying. IME CC works best for tension releasers, whereas gradual withdrawal or PUPD works better for tension increasers. (There?s more here on tension increasers and tension releasers)

I agree with Angel about the napping too - if ds hasn't had a good nap in the day then he will be much more likely to wake in the night or wake early the next day.

I could be writing your post right now- especially the bit about baby clutching your hair. Sorry no advice but lots of sympathy. My baby is 17 months and doesn't sleep through- it's exhausting.

my son is the same he goes to school hoping itll tyre him out but guess wot dosent work am so shattered.

what to do?

I was going to write a similar post tonight. DS is 19 months old tomorrow. He has never been a brilliant sleeper but had spells of either sleeping through or "only" waking up once and settling quickly when given the dummy. The last month has been quite bad though. He wakes up pretty much every night, between 2 and 5 times, and probably 5 nights out of 7 ends up in my bed at some point. I can't face leaving him to cry for more than 2 minutes and I am so tired that after getting up 2 or 3 times I just give in and bring him in to bed for a cuddle.

I am tired and want to be able to sleep but too tired to deal with the night waking in some constructive way. I am really hoping it's the 18 month regression and he will improve without much effort from me...
No constructive help but much sympathy!

Hello everyone, sorry it's taken me a long time to get back on here & to respond to your thoughtful suggestions. A BIG development since then is that DD has now been diagnosed with asthma (after a bad eczema flare up & a constant mucus on her chest), so this may be behind our night wakings.

Poor wee soul has had an antibiotic for a chest infection & is now on a nebulizer. Not seeing any improvement yet (in fact her coughing has got worse, & as a result her sleeping), but I live in hope!

Thanks again for the help!