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Sleep

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Original poster

I don't understand how co-sleeping works

48 replies

neepsntatties · 05/03/2011 21:02

I would be happy to try it but I don't understand how you are not cold as I am assuming you can't have your duvet covering you. Also do you have to stay curved round the baby all the time? I have a bad back and wouldn't manage that.

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tifflins · 05/03/2011 21:13

Good question. Also, if bf, doesn't co-sleeping just encourage your baby to be continually latched on, and does baby expect this during the day too?

RitaMorgan · 05/03/2011 21:17

When ds was under 6 months, I just had the duvet up to my waist so it wasn't on him. Now he's 7 months and when he's in bed with me he's under the duvet.

I think when they're little you do have to be curled around them really, and you can't move very much.

I didn't find ds stayed latched on all the time - he'd feed then fall asleep and come off. I doubt the baby would expect it in the day, just when they're sleeping, though I used a dummy for naps too.

cluelessnchaos · 05/03/2011 21:18

I only ever did it for the first few weeks, I wore long sleeved tops hitched up with the duvet on my bottom half. Baby did tend to be latched on all the time but in the early days they were anyway. At about six weeks I put them in the cot and took them into bed when having a growth spurt or if I was ill or tired. Only problem with chopping and changing was I would tend to get blocked ducts and mastitis from different feeding positions stimulating different parts of my boobs.

Original poster

neepsntatties · 05/03/2011 21:23

Maybe I will manage once dd is older. I can't lie on my side for long.

OP posts:

AngelDog · 05/03/2011 21:24

I have 14 m.o. DS on top of the duvet.

Most people find they lie in the co-sleeping position instinctively rather than by design.

DS has never been a latch-on-all-the-time baby at night. Either I'd unlatch him, or (like now) he unlatches himself when he's finished and then goes to sleep. It's never been an issue in the day for us.

PurveyorOfWoo · 05/03/2011 21:25

Slept with pillow only half way across my side (so not above babys head). Duvet only around my waist and worse a thick fleece button up shirt on top (buttons for easy access). You do tend to sleep curled around them, and yes I did get a bit stiff, but you cope!

Baby was in a sleepsuit and gro-bag.

Also had a bedside cot, had to get baby gradually accustomed to sleeping that bit further away - after that I got much more sleep, but could still reach out and check baby, and roll him close for feeding.

When they get a bit older they are much more robust. DS takes up most of the bed when he is in with us now!

LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:25

I slept under the duvet and my DS slept on top in a grobag. And no, I didn't sleep curved round him :)

BertieBotts · 05/03/2011 21:27

I don't understand how you are not cold
You are, at this time of year. I got around it by having the heating on overnight, and wearing a dressing gown over one arm so it wasn't bulky to lie on. And put my feet in the duvet. And sharing a cotton blanket with the baby over my tummy.

am assuming you can't have your duvet covering you.
No, you can't - not until the baby is a year old. I did used to have the duvet up to DS' legs which meant it came up to my waist and then used the dressing gown on my top half. It's not recommended though.

Also do you have to stay curved round the baby all the time?
In the early days I did find I got hip-ache from sleeping in the same position all night. Again this is something which lessens as they get bigger though.

Also, if bf, doesn't co-sleeping just encourage your baby to be continually latched on?
Possibly. I don't believe you can encourage/discourage good or bad habits when they are that tiny anyway. If your baby is going to be latched on all night it's probably best you get some sleep while they do it. DS never did it though, he used to latch off and sigh and then snuggle his little head onto my boob like a pillow :) If they are asleep it's easy enough to break the latch anyway. If they aren't asleep you're probably just glad they're not screaming.

and does baby expect this during the day too?
Not really, unless you keep them next to your boob all day. They don't really expect anything when they are newborns, they're pretty accepting. If you have a baby who wants to be latched on constantly I doubt it is anything to do with whether you co-sleep or not. It's just the way they are. This lessens with age as well :)

Another thing to consider though is a bedside cot - this means (assuming you don't have a permanently-latched-on-baby) that after you have fed them you can scoot them over into their own space in the cot, which means you can sleep in whatever position you like, have the duvet up as high as you like , etc etc.

BertieBotts · 05/03/2011 21:29

I never liked the idea of DS being on top of the duvet. Duvets reflect body heat so I was always paranoid he would overheat. And when you don't have skin to skin contact you aren't as aware of them, I always thought - but this was only my perception, others might not have found this.

LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:31

I was always super aware of him and he was never very hot - he only wore a long sleeved bodysuit under the babygro - so bare legs.

I just couldn't sleep if I had the duvet around my midriff but I did try!

monstermissy · 05/03/2011 21:32

I had a bedside cot with ds3 and LOVED it, i loved being able to touch him, hear him breath etc without disturbing him, yet still had all my room to sleep how i liked. I breastfeed him then just pushed him back over his side. Really recommend them.

BertieBotts · 05/03/2011 21:33

Probably just me being paranoid then :)

DS is 2.5 and still hates the duvet being around him. I get really annoyed if I co-sleep with him now because I just get all snuggly and then I move slightly and then he suddenly realises the covers are on him and kicks them right down. As his head being lower than the pillows leaves his feet somewhere near my thighs, it's COLD.

llareggub · 05/03/2011 21:33

I really struggled with it with DS1 who was born during the winter. With DS2 it wasn't so bad because he was born at the end of April so it was milder by then. I had a thick, woolly cardigan that I used to wear to bed. Like others, DS2 slept in a grobag but as he got bigger he tended to sleep lying over me.

suzikettles · 05/03/2011 21:35

I used to sleep with my half of the duvet under me and then pulled back over the top of me so that ds was just lying on the sheet.

When he was tiny I was useless at feeding lying down so the cosleeping was just because he settled much better when he was close to me rather than feeding. I'd still sit up in bed to feed.

It minimised crying for us and maximised sleep which is why I did it. Ds moved into his cot (mostly) at about 8 weeks old and didn't have a problem with the transition.

Ironically that's about the time when I got to grips with feeding lying down, so dh used to pass him to me when he got up to go to work in the morning and ds & I would have long snooze-feed-snooze-feed mornings which was a sanity saver for a lazybones like me

FuppyGish · 05/03/2011 21:36

also what do you do between when they go to bed (say 7ish) and when you want to go to bed (say 10ish)? Or do you go to bed with them at 7pm?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/03/2011 21:36

I slept further down the bed so that the duvet came up to my shoulders but only up to dd's waist. I do find that I'm only ever 75% asleep anyway and am very aware of her in the bed. She's 3.1 now and we still co-sleep. She pulls the duvet up higher than I do!

When she was very little she was in a gro bag on top of the duvet. Of all the logistics when she was little, co-sleeping was the easiest.

LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:36

:) I'm not very paranoid about overheating, probably because I keep the house v cold at night! His bedroom was much warmer than mine because it was south-facing and I worried about him much more in there on his own. We still co-sleep (he's 4) and he quite often kicks the duvet down but I just drag him up to the top of the bed :o

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 05/03/2011 21:44

FuppyGish, sometimes she would go to sleep with me on the sofa and I would just carry her up to be with me later, sometimes I would go to bed with her at 7, get up when she was asleep and leave her there.
There is a very good book called 'Three in a bed'.
We still co-sleep at 4,but we have a very big bed.

jugglingjo · 05/03/2011 21:46

Co-slept with both our two. They never took to a cot, though we did try it with DC1

I enjoyed co-sleeping and found it was Easy-peasy - no problems.

With DD1 she had her own little covering (muslins perhaps?) when she was little and slept between our pillows ( therefore not under duvet )

When a little older we felt they were fine under duvet close to me.

I have forgotton the details a bit now, but basically feel when they are close to you and you're BF'ing you are in a good position to keep a close eye on them. Though obviously you have to sleep too sometimes !

AngelDog · 05/03/2011 21:47

Actually, I lied - I don't have DS on the duvet: we use three blankets instead.

Interesting, Bertie, about the skin-to-skin contact thing. I find now that DS can move around a bit and away from me and it doesn't disturb me at all, although he's old enough now that it doesn't make me nervous.

I wear a vest, thick top and thick cardigan - dressing gown too if it's very cold so that my top half doesn't get cold (the blankets stop just under breast height for me). Because DS doesn't just latch himself on, I can zip the cardigan back up again after feeds.

DS sleeps in my bed before I go to bed now. When he was a bit younger he'd sleep in the cot before I went to bed, then I'd either take him into bed at my bedtime, or from his first waking after my bedtime.

On the position thing, when DS fed frequently I used to put him on my stomach and roll over to the other side each time he woke, so that I alternated sides. Now he stays on the same side of me, but he usually only feeds once a night.

RitaMorgan · 05/03/2011 21:47

From 8 weeks I put ds to bed at 7ish on his own until I went to bed - at 5 months he moved into his own room so now he starts the night there.

LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:47

fuppy - I have always put my DS to bed at whatever his bedtime is and then gone to bed later. I used to put a pillow on the bed to stop him rolling off when he was little

BertieBotts · 05/03/2011 21:52

Yes DS started moving away when he got older as well. It was when he was much older though - about 10 months.

Evenings - before he could crawl I just let him sleep or sit/lie with me awake on the sofa or in his bouncy chair etc until we went to bed in the evenings. Then I have always just put him to bed and come back down. He's gone through a few short stages where for a night or two I found I had to stay with him from 7pm all night, but they only ever lasted a night or two and then it was all fine. I think it was a separation anxiety thing. Of course I often fell asleep with him at 7pm by accident which is slightly annoying but at least you get a good night's sleep!

DuelingFanjo · 05/03/2011 21:52

I have the duvet folded on one side from the corner, like a triangle, then a very light quilt over the top.

No problem with the baby continually latching, he sleeps 6 hours or so without a break and then when wakes I sit up with lots of pillows to feed him. He just sleeps beside me on his back in a star shape.

At the moment (he's almost 11 weeks) I go to bed at the same time but can be up reading, watching tv, on laptop while he sleeps. He usually sleeps from 11pm but today he's gone to sleep at half 9!

notcitrus · 05/03/2011 22:00

I moved down the bed a bit and had ds in a swaddling blanket next to my head, on the mattress, so I could still be wrapped up warm.

Though once he was sleeping for long stretches but keeping me awake with noises I put him in a moses basket and then cot, and since then he's never wanted to cosleep even when waking at night - whenever I've tried he'd crawl or walk off!

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