Can Co-Sleeping and Sleep Training Work?

[lionface]

Hiya,
I co-sleep with my 10 month old DS, but it is getting more and more difficult to get any sleep. He wakes up frequently and will not go back to sleep with a breastfeed or lots of cuddles. He screams his little head off, sits up, throws himself backwards. I have to pick him up and get out of bed with him, and even then he pushes and kicks at me, and it takes me over half an hour to calm him down. (I don't know what he wants, whether he is having a night terror, is in pain or just really angry that he has woken up?!). At this point he's then wide awake and wants to play rather than go back to sleep.

I'm thinking of trying some sort of sleep training, but with co-sleeping things like controlled crying seem impossible. Has anyone experienced the same thing? Is there any sleep training I can do while co-sleeping, or do you think I need to get him into his own room and start sleep training from there?

Can anyone help?

Thanks!

I think you need to get you son into his own bed. He is moody when he wakes up because he is tired. My son didn't sleep though the night until he was 10 months old too. I tried everything from co sleeping to rocking him back to sleep.

A friend of mine who is a night nanny and has years of experience in sleep training children advised controlled crying.

It was the best decision I made for both myself and him as after a week of sleep training he was going though from 7 til 7. We both got a decent nights sleep and it changed how we both functioned during the day.

It was a tough week (the first night he cried for 3 hours on and off) but well worth it. He is nearly 3 now and is excellent at going to bed and will sleep through 5 nights out of 7, normally only waking for a wee or a drink once in the night.

Think carefully about how you are going to manage the sleep training and then stick to your plan...do not back down and stay strong. Keep the same routine night after night until you have results. Changing after a day or two will be more confusing for him and will set you back even further.

Good luck

Thanks longisland, I was afraid this would be the recommendation, I'm so going to miss having him co-sleep. I'm so afraid as well that controlled crying will "damage" him or change him for the worse. He is so lovely during the day, I don't want his spirit to be broken, or for him to react differently with me. Oh well I'll see how much longer I can put it off!!

There is no evidence that his spirit will be broken or it will do him long term damage. There is evidenve that sleep deprivation is harmful. From the end of your last post I have to ask, for whose benefit are you cosleeping?

Hi lionface - have you looked at the "No cry sleep solution" book by Elizabeth Pantley? She is pro co-sleeping and has suggestions for helping babies sleep through while co-sleeping. She is a co-sleeping mum herself.

On another note, I've been trying to get my DS into a cot after 7 months of co-sleeping. We haven't done controlled crying but gradual withdrawal, which takes longer but involves less crying (there is crying though).

It is slightly gentler as a method and may suit you and your DS more. I think especially going from co-sleeping to controlled crying is a big jump - for baby and mother! I have used a book called Gentle Sleep Solutions by Andrea Grace, but any sleep training book should cover gradual withdrawal methods too.

Thanks for the sleep-book suggestions Raising MrC. I'll take a look at those, gradual withdrawal sounds gentler and easier on us both than controlled crying.

ilovemountains - good question re for whose benefit I'm co-sleeping! I definitely want to do what is best for my baby, I've read many reports about co-sleeping babies being more secure and confident and also from the beginning it just felt right that a baby should not be left alone to sleep, and should have their needs met. My intention from the beginning was to co-sleep for 6months then get him in his own room and cot, but when I tried putting him in the cot he cried lots so I kept him in the bed - this seemed the right thing to do by him. Now at almost 11months old I still want to do the best thing for him, I'll admit I love co-sleeping, but only if it is working for both of us, and if he is not getting the sleep he needs as you said sleep deprivation can be harmful. I wanted to put off getting him in his own bed and doing controlled crying not just because I'll miss him, but because I don't want to have to deal with upsetting him more.