15 month old should have learnt to sleep by now?

arwen · 2003-09-14T19:44:24+00:00

Anyone got any tips as to what to do with ds when he wakes repeatedly? I am nearly 6 months pregnant and haven't managed a full night since he was born 15 months ago. A good night is waking once or twice, last night we had screaming every 2 hours for 30 mins at a time, can't figure out why? Dr's no help, perfectly healthy , loveable character by day but dh and I are on our knees.

twiglett · 14/09/2003 21:05

message withdrawn

bloss · 15/09/2003 03:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

arwen · 15/09/2003 19:17

We did it once before and it did work but since then there has always seemed to be a reason for his waking, ie illness, wet nappy, night terrors etc and it has been too cruel he just gets hysterical and all the books say don't let them do that. I think we probably will have to give it another go, even if we could get back to just waking once or twice a night that would help. He has just had a tummy bug though so do you think we should wait a few days and see if he settles a bit? any tips most gratefully received!

OP posts:

aloha · 15/09/2003 19:38

Do it NOW! No, really, it has to be your choice but I have no idea how you have coped this long. It must be utter torture. The reason he wakes is habit. Is he napping in the day? Do you have a consistent bedtime and wind down routine? What do you do in the night with him?

lucy123 · 15/09/2003 20:05

Oh my god, you poor thing!

Yes, it's habit now. Get the NCT book of sleep: it has good clear instructions for controlled crying, plus a couple of other things you could try and lots of reassuring quotes.

beetroot · 15/09/2003 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

arwen · 15/09/2003 20:48

We've got the NCT book but it hasn't helped up until know because he does get hysterical so quickly and the books say not to allow that.(they don't tell you what to do then as picking them up takes you back to square one!) he has a great routine, tea, books, bath , bottle and bed, wears a grobag so can't kick of covers but still wakes up. He also thinks 5am is morning and sometimes plays quietly in his cot but more often than not screams until he is got up or bought in with us. We never used to do this but the past week has been so bad I will do anything for a few more minutes rest. I think we might have to give him a few more days before we start controlled crying again because I don't think we could cope tonight and I will chase up the sleep clinic as our appointment is long overdue.Will letyou know how we get on! Thanks for all the kind words, it's so nice to know we're not alone, it's hard to stay bright eyed and cheery when your shattered and I don't want to sink back into depression as it took almost the first 10 months before I felt like a human again!

OP posts:

aloha · 15/09/2003 21:00

Arwen, I totally sympathise as my ds took until 8months to sleep through....but...when you are very tired it is sometimes more tempting to think of reasons NOT to try something than to go for the solution. When did you last try cc? How long for? I strongly suggest you either a/do it according to the book - go in after X minutes, comfort, leave. OR just leave him. How long have you left him to cry? No book I have read says to give in if they cry very hard. Would you give your child the electric socket to play with/poison to eat just becauxe they cried hard? I found it very important to keep in my mind that this was for HIS OWN GOOD. ie a happier, more responsive mummy and a more rested, healthier child. It really helped me. I know some people think leaving a child to cry is very cruel, but I know what sleep deprivation torture feels like and I also know how amazing and wonderful it is when it stops. Try turning your thinking round - think of how to make this awful situation come to an end, rather than wasting your energy thinking of lots of reasons why it can't (ancient tummy upset, a wet nappy ages ago, possible future crying). I know I sound harsh, harsher than I feel probably, but because I've been there I know how dreadful it is and how fantastic your life could be so I feel evangelical about it. You CAN'T go on like this. If you are feeding him at night, stop now. IMO there is no rule about not picking up. If you want, Pick up, say, "shh, it's night time' and PUT HIM DOWN AGAIN! Then leave. wait and go back if you want, or just leave. There are lots of options. What do you do at present when he wakes?

Original poster

arwen · 15/09/2003 21:06

When he wakes up we wait and see if he is just gurgling or is really awake, if he is go in before he starts screaming and really wakes himself up! maybe put his dummy in and say the usual and check he is covered up if cold etc etc and go back to bed..... wait for the next time.

Off to bed now, will update tomorrow - keep the advice coming, thanks

OP posts:

Jenie · 15/09/2003 21:35

Poor you, I think that some children just don't sleep. Dd didn't sleep through the night until she was 3 nearly 4, then she started to sleep through but sleep walk, she's even been known to make herself a sandwich and eat it (the strangest combinations ie jam and cheese).

She suffers with bad dreams (so she tells us) but worst is when we hear her crying for ages in her sleep and can't wake her up enough to stop it.

Ds is also a poor sleeper, he wakes up at 5am and refuses to go back to sleep, he'll scream so much that within 10mins his hysterical and will sob for about another 30mins after being picked up. He gets so upset that he bangs his head against the cot within 3mins (yes he realy does hurt himself) if that hasn't worked instantly he lies down and screams and screams banging his head against his matress.

Often thought about seeing the dr about dd but with so many other things going on right now I may have to wait a while.

HELP!!!!

bloss · 15/09/2003 23:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster

arwen · 16/09/2003 11:14

Much better night last night. Only up twice. Makes it hard to do controlled crying cos it's so easy just to run in stick dummy in and be back in bed in 1 min, however I think you are right and we need to get him sorted for good.I guess we'll leave him to find his own dummy and if he wakes up fully and starts yelling it's cc for us. Will be starting tonight, made a good start by making sure he was awake when he went down for his nap at 10, will do the same tonight, wish us luck!
Jenie,
Do go to the DR's and get a referral to a sleep clinic. They don't normally see smallies but as ds has been so poorly and unsettled for most of his first year they are unsurprised he has sleep probs and are seeing him. Takes a while to get an appointment though so don't delay, as everyone keeps telling me , you don't have to put up with it and need sleep yourself. I feel like a different person today after even a bit better night, hooray! Hope it gets better for you to and my next one sleeps 12 hours from birth.....

OP posts:

Jenie · 16/09/2003 11:39

arwen - great news, you know now that all of your hard work is paying off, dd has alot of other things going on at the moment so can't face taking her just yet to the dr.

I took her when she was about 2 and I was feeling close to breaking point the dr gave us some car sickness medicine and said that she should have it everyday for a week or 2 then she would sleep. Couldn't bring myself to drug her up to sleep as after 1st night (although she had slept) she was still drugged up and sleepy all day.

Ho hum maybe I'll do it after her appointment with allergy consultant.

Keep up the good work and good luck with the pregnancy

Original poster

arwen · 16/09/2003 11:53

Jenie, Sounds like you've got your hands full as well! We were also prescribed drugs for an allergic reaction but that were the ones that supposedly make them sleep. I did give it a go but even that didn't knock out bionic boy, got rid of the hives though!
Good luck with the allergy consultant and remeber sleep clinic is supposed to treat the whole child not just the sleep issue so I still reckon it's worth a go

OP posts:

bloss · 16/09/2003 21:17

Message withdrawn

Lisa1 · 21/10/2003 13:48

Calling Bloss
Read your last message, I could do with your help. My ds2 is 15 months, and is waknig up at lear twice in the night. At bedtime I put him down awake, and he quickly gets himsefl to sleep. S othats one hurdle. In the night though iyts a different stroy. I do feed him, somtimes that will get him back to sleep but not always. He has had wquite alot of minor illnesses, which have I'm sure interuppted speel patterns. Can't decide whether to brave cc or do I need to do something a bout feeding first???
Any suggestions very gratefully received.

Lisa1 · 21/10/2003 13:48

Calling Bloss
Read your last message, I could do with your help. My ds2 is 15 months, and is waknig up at lear twice in the night. At bedtime I put him down awake, and he quickly gets himsefl to sleep. S othats one hurdle. In the night though iyts a different stroy. I do feed him, somtimes that will get him back to sleep but not always. He has had wquite alot of minor illnesses, which have I'm sure interuppted speel patterns. Can't decide whether to brave cc or do I need to do something a bout feeding first???
Any suggestions very gratefully received.

CountessDracula · 21/10/2003 14:24

Lisa1 I should say stop the feeding first as that is what he is waking for. My dd has slept through from 8 months when I stopped feeding her at night.

Karen99 · 22/10/2003 10:35

Hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread. I have a sleep question, but DS is only 4 months.

We haven't got a strict bedtime routine as such as DS never seems to go to bed at the same time every night. His daytime feeds are some days 7am-10am-1:30pm-4:30pm-7:30pm or on other days 8am-11am-2:30pm-5:30pm-8pm (if I'm lucky) depending on when he wakes up in the morning. This means that some nights he goes to bed nearer 7pm, others 8pm.

Once the tired signs come in I usually rock him to sleep and put him down on his tummy - he screams the house down if I put him on his back. He then wakes up in the night for two or three feeds and goes back down on his back and usually settles quite quickly back to sleep.

My questions are, how do I implement a standard bedtime routine if his feeds vary in the day? and if I stick to bath, feed, cuddle, bed say from 6:30pm, what happens if he's not tired and could do another 12 rounds before the tired signs come in? (I've never experienced "he settles well when put in cot" ) If I were to leave to CC it seems 'mean' as he's not really tired, or does the CC help make them realise that once put in the cot it's time to sleep?

Any help appreciated.

newgirl · 22/10/2003 14:43

blimey poor you. if the bed time is sussed ,how about structuring the day? if possible, nap at 12 ish every day in his cot. so not in pram, or car etc. put him down and leave him to it for as long as possible. this might help with the 5 am waking anyway, as he might be more tired at night, and eat better etc in the day. pure gina!

newgirl · 22/10/2003 14:44

blimey poor you. if the bed time is sussed ,how about structuring the day? if possible, nap at 12 ish every day in his cot. so not in pram, or car etc. put him down and leave him to it for as long as possible. this might help with the 5 am waking anyway, as he might be more tired at night, and eat better etc in the day. pure gina!

newgirl · 22/10/2003 14:44

blimey poor you. if the bed time is sussed ,how about structuring the day? if possible, nap at 12 ish every day in his cot. so not in pram, or car etc. put him down and leave him to it for as long as possible. this might help with the 5 am waking anyway, as he might be more tired at night, and eat better etc in the day. pure gina!