8 year old will not go to sleep......

[Desperateforthinnerthighs]

arghhh..............I am at the end of my tether!! My son is 8 and he is just crap at going to bed/sleep and me and DH are crap at dealing with him.

We have tried everything, reward charts etc etc and nothing works...he wont go to sleep on his own in his bed as he is "scared"...of everything so the only way he goes to sleep is either by one of us laying with him or him coming into the lounge and dropping off on the sofa, both of which annoy me intensely. Last night we decided to be cruel and let him cry it out by by 11:00 (he was getting louder and louder) DH caved in and went and bought him into the lounge where he dropped off within about 5 minutes.

I know it's our fault really as we should have dealt with it properly when he was a baby but we didnt and now its a nightmare...i just dont know what to do and it causes sooo many arguements between me and DH. I say we have to be cruel to be kind and am all for shutting the lounge door and turning up the TV to hide his sobs but DH wont go for that at all.

Help!! xx

What is your bedtime routine?

Well, we have had loads of routines trying to find the right one but generally it is:-

bath
bed and either dvd or reading to try and wind down
lights out

Nothing works...I know what he wants...he wants to come to bed with us!! We have pandered to him coz we can (he is an only child) and now it is biting us on the bum BIG TIME........

Start from scratch with a proper bedtime routine. Make sure he gets plenty of exercise outside in the afternoon so he's properly tired, early tea and then bath, milky drink (dd likes choc horlicks) and then bed.
No tv, computer, ds or anything stimulating like that for an hour before bed. DD reads for half an hour before I go up and turn her light off, give her a cuddle and a kiss and tuck her in and she's 8 too.

He is more than able to understand that he should be going to sleep properly by now, unless there is an underlying issue I'm not aware of?

Getting cross will do no good. But you know that already. What's his currency? Pocket money/match attacks/go go's? Find it and use it. Bribery is all ok by me

Agree with starting a new bedtime routine and no screen time before bed in fact remove all electronics from his room - this has been proven to affect sleep. I would also ensure he went to bed at this time each night including weekends just to get him into the routine of it = once he is self settling himself then he can have extra time at weekends/holidays.

Can you get him new bedding and give his room a bit of a makeover? Then start the new routine with him. I would also add a worry box so he can write all his worries down and put them in the box each night so that they've been "taken away"

I would also do a reward chart for this too - 5 nights of going to sleep well = matchattacks cards or going to bed later.

No, there is no underlying issue but he is just so scared and I have no idea why!! I have to say I was a windy kid when I was younger too and I think he takes after me.

He wants to do it but he just cant....I have tried bribery - he has a stack of about 7 doctor who magazines we havent let him have yet....he would rather come in our bed and forego everything else!!! He does understand that he should be able to sleep and he has no answers either, just that he cant!!

I would also consistency is the key whatever you choose to do stick to it - don't give in, or change it to suit whims/moods.

Grab - he has just had a new room - Michael jackson and newly painted walls etc etc, it looks wickid...would like it myself, lol.

Worry box sounds like a good idea..will try that too.

Thank you!

What is he scared of?
Is it anything definable that he'll talk to you about?
Can he be rational about it in the daytime?

DD has a worry doll and a dreamcatcher. The worry doll is normally on a shelf but sometimes she'll pop it under her pillow which will prompt a chat the next day when I notice it.

I asked him last night what he is scared of and he doesnt know....we get a lot of foxes around and they make a dreadful racket which doesnt help and sadly he is a bit of a poof, lol....a lovely sensitive boy with a fantastic nature...but a big poof!!

He has a cuddly dog Katie which he takes to bed with him....he is rational in the day time Jaffa and he knows we need to address it, it's just that none of us know what to do as we have seriously tried it all...DH was a really bad sleeper when he was a kid - his mum tells me he used to be up till all hours screaming and crying!!! DS goes off like a light if he comes in with us, he just doesnt like being on his own. He spends a lot of time in adult company and sometimes I think he thinks he is one of us.

How about sitting down this aft with him then and coming up with a plan of action?
Brainstorm some ideas that you all think are good and then make them into a routine to try for a week. Help him feel in control of it, as it can't be nice for him he must be shattered too.

Have you tried putting on a relaxing cd quietly, or a story cd so that he has to be quiet to listen to it? Maybe it might help?

Oh and the airyfairy side of me says put some smoky quartz and amethyst under his bed (both aid good sleep and relaxation), and put a couple drops of lavender in his bath or on his pillow. :)

Yeah, I will try that thanks - will sit down with him and see if we can both come up with a plan.

Failing that, some wine and vallium (for me).
....and some nytol for him, lol

How's it going?

my son is the same he wont sleep tried the same as you desperateforthinnerthighs ive also tried everything to get him to sleep right through the night but he keeps waking up.

HELP!!!!!