Can't settle 9 week old before 11pm

[LLNO]

Hi

Please can someone help us. We have a 9 week old baby (our first), and while she is great in the day she totally refuses to settle at night any earlier than 11pm.

We have tried to start a routine of feed, bath and then quiet time/bed from about 7pm but this usually ends in hysterics (which is what is going on upstairs now - husband dealing).

I think that she gets over tired and very frustrated and that's why there is no settling her. She isn't a 'cuddly' baby - if we try and hold her in typical lying down cradle position she immediatley throws her arms around and begins to protest no matter what time of day.

When she does eventually go down to sleep at approx 11pm she sleeps quite well in the night, waking at roughly 2am and 6am.

I just don't undersand, and can only reach the conclusion that either she can tell the time, or senses that we are not in the room with her (before approx 10pm) and therefore continually wakes up.

Any ideas?

Thanks

I just don't try to put mine down to sleep until we go. She's 13 weeks now and has started to settle a bit earlier. I'm not worrying, with ds he started to sleep less in the day and earlier in the evening as time went on. We have lights low from about 8pm so she knows it's night time but I just cuddle her if she wants and fill her up with bf while we watch telly. I'm in no rush to get her in bed. Plenty of time to sort routine, she's so small.

We didn't try and put DS down until we went to bed. If she settles well at that point then you get maximum sleep! You can bring her bedtime earlier once she is older.

You shouldn't really put them to sleep upstairs on their own, best to let them nap downstairs with you if they will - it carries the same SIDS risk as sleeping in their own room overnight.

Sounds not too bad to me! My 13 week old only started going down before half ten a couple of weeks ago, one evening she fell asleep after a bath and a feed at eight and she stayed asleep until we went to bed. My experience with both of mine is that you can't make them go to sleep when they're not ready, and they'll get the hang of it themselves at some point. 9 weeks is still very little, she'll get there!

I will probably get flamed for this, but my little girl was EXACTLY the same up until about 8 weeks, and I hadn't even realised she was getting over-tired. Looking back, she was probably irritated by the things I was trying - rocking, cuddling etc. My lovely health visitor suggested lying her in her basket in a room with no stimulation, and leaving her for just a few minutes (up to 5) to see whether she would settle. She did, and she goes off at 7pm on the dot most nights without so much as a whimper. Before everyone pounces on me, I am NOT suggesting CIO, and obviously if she is distressed you need to get her up, but my little girl sometimes starts crying with tiredness and the only thing she wants is to be cosy in her bed. We also swaddled her and used white noise - still use white noise to send her off, she's 15 weeks.

I think it's very normal. It's certainly what both of mine did. I didn't put either of them to bed any earlier than 10.30 before they were about 12 weeks old.

Our evenings were very hard work, involving a lot of pacing and jiggling! But it doesn't go on for very long and in my experience things change at around 12 weeks.

It's quite a good idea really to go to bed at the same time as your baby - that way you'll make the most of their longest stretch of sleep and get an unbroken bit of sleep yourself.

Olivetti it works for you :)

Nagoo - it does. As I say, I would never just leave her to cry in distress, but when she is tired she cries hysterically at being kept up in my arms/jiggled/hugged/shushed, and then when she goes in her basket she calms down within 5 minutes and goes off to sleep, wakes up with a beaming smile. I think a lot of babies can get over-tired or over-stimulated, but parents are terrified to put them down at all, for fear of being cruel. Every baby is different, and that's the point - it feels cruel to my baby NOT to let her go in her basket even if she still cries for a bit.
p.s. you sound really nice - thank you for all your advice on the feeding thread.

my dd (8weeks) is similar to yours then olivetti

once it gets to about 6pm she gets really restless, doesn't like to be fussed.

i bath her and give her a quick massage, then she has a feed in her room with the lights dimmed and her light show on.

once she has been winded i swaddle her and put her in her cot.

she usually drops off within minutes. sometimes she has a little moan, but i leave her for a while to see if she will settle herself.

i was determined to keep her next to my bed for aslong as possible but it just did not work for us. i'm sleeping in with her atm on a bed made up on the floor

my ds got evicted from our room at 8 weeks, I just couldn't sleep next to him.

dd I am dreading her getting too big for the basket, I don't want to have to traipse about to get her to feed her, and cot won't fit in our room.

mumatron, there must be a better solution for you than the floor! Was dd keeping your Dh up? I'm sure he'd be able to get a much better sleep on the sofa

aah Olivetti I feel all warm inside... :)

nagoo she wont fit sleep in her basket and her cot is pita to take down and reassemble in our room.

i'll be moving back into my own bedroom soon, we've bought a better monitor so hopefully i'll be able to stop stressing out so much about her being alone.

My ds3 is now 22 weeks. I tried hard to setablish a bedtime routine from 9 weeks as that was when it worked for dd2. It was hopeless he just wouldn't settle before 9.30/10 and I'd spend agaes resettling him and going up and down stairs. Finally gave up and reverted to cuddling/feeding on the sofa until he settled. At around 14 weeks he happened to nap at 5 and I resolved to give him a bath, feed him and put him down at 7. It worked a dream, far easier. He's been through several weeks of waking about an hour after being put to bed and needing a quick resettle but for the last week or so has woken then and resettled himself, I just hear him moving around on the monitor. So I would say your dd is just not developmentally ready for it but will be in a few weeks. Do whatever is easiest for the time being. I was desperate to get my evenings back but I just had to wait.