5mo sleep deteriorating further: inconsolable screaming in the night, I'm getting angry, what can I do?

[MamaChris]

have 5mo twins and a 3 year old. I co sleep with the twins. we hard a hard time at 2-3 months when dt2 stopped feeding to sleep, but apart from that nights haven't been too bad. dt1 wakes about twice for a feed and goes back to sleep quickly. dt2 wakes increasingly frequently, now every hour or more, and will sometimes feed back to sleep, will sometimes be rocked on my shoulder while he cries (he cries himself to sleep in the buggy/sling/cot for naps too, although crying has got less at naptimes).

the last couple of weeks the shoulder rocking is taking longer and longer and feeding working less often. last night he screamed for a full hour before eventually feeding back to sleep. twice during the screaming he fell asleep for about a minute before resuming. he was inconsolable while I found myself getting irate. at one point I left the bed to go to the toilet and put pillows round him before I went, and the thought crossed my mind that I could easily silence him with a pillow. I'd never do it, but am very disturbed that the thought even crossed my mind. feel like I am "unbonding" with him, feeling more distant in the day even as I feel more protective to dt1.

need to solve this night screaming for my sanity. what can I do? am not a fan of CIO, but can't imagine it would work anyway if he can cry that long with me beside him or holding him. getting desperate

I dont have any constructive advice but wanted to assure you that I think many of us have had dark thoughts when faced with a screaming baby, but we know it is not something you would ever do. I can see it would be even harder with twins. Do you have any help/support?

Ok, take a deep breath!

Have you tried colic drops? It sounds as though he could have a tummy ache? Is he breast fed or formular?
My DS Had trouble at night at around 5 months, now 6 months and its all calmed down. He was waking at least 4-5 times a night - I was exhausted.

Do you have anyone that could help during the day so you can catch up on sleep? Having thoughts about using a pillow to silence him are very worrying. I would be tempted to speak to my doctor if it was me. About the sleep problem and the thoughts.

hi mamachris.

i am so sorry things are getting worse for you. it sounds nightmareish.

i got to the total end of my tether with dd2 when she was 12 weeks, and waking every 45mins. we were cosleeping, she wouldn't sleep off the boob, and i was so tired i felt i couldn't take the car out. I completely understand what you mean by "unbonding" and this worried me.

she too had always needed to cry down before a sleep.

anyway, when i was about to snap, i did PUPD, to get her to sleep in her cot. i was shocked that there was not much more crying that when i rocked/slung her to sleep.

she is now 4 months, and i still rock her to almost asleep before putting her down, but this now takes 5-10mins, instead of 40, with crying. she now wakes 1-3 times nightly for a feed, and settles quickly.

thanks for the understanding of dark thoughts.

he's bf. I don't feel too too tired, tbh. I go to bed early with the babies if needed. dp only works part time, so looks after our 3yo in the day whenever possible, and is currently walking the babies round for a nap, so I do have help. it's just the extended screaming that gets to me.

could it still be colic? he's not very windy, although used to be, but tends to be sick a little bit, some time after each feed. can a doctor help? I did take him when he was smaller and told them he cried all the time (he was either asleep, feeding or crying for weeks) and the dr just said "yes, babies cry". but my other two have never been like this.

I don't think PUPD would work for him. it's like when he starts a cycle of crying, he cries louder and louder till screaming, then it turns more into singing and he falls asleep. this can take a variable amount of time - if I catch naptime right just 2-3 minutes, sometimes up to 10. if he gets disturbed during this cycle he seems to need to reset and start again from the beginning, so now I just sit with him, hand on him, repeating a sleepy phrase. works during the day but not at night any more it seems :(

I worry a lot about waking dt1. they need calming in different ways and it seems 10 times worse if they're both crying, so when he's loud I just feel myself panicking that he will wake her too and I try anything to get him to be quiet.

good to hear he calmed down by 6 months IMiss. hopefully dt2 will as well.

MamaChris, I have just posted about a similar problem at night and believe me I understand where you are coming from. Last night the sheer screeching really got to me and I felt myself getting really angry. I know what you mean about feeling distant from him during the day. My DS2 is generally so happy in the day and at night he turns into Damian. Re: the bad thoughts, I think you know deep down whether they are thoughts that need further action like the GP, or just middle of the night sleep deprived craziness. I am sorry I have no advice - I need some myself!

MamaChris I think you are amazing to be raising twins and another little one and you are not too too tired?! I'm massively wrecked with my first, I cannot imagine how anyone copes with twins not to mention a toddler in tow. I take great comfort from the fact there are lots of people who post here with babies that are about 3-5 months, and far fewer older than that. It must mean that things generally speaking start to settle down soon enough.

I have a screechy-drama-queen of a dd also 5 months, I cannot leave her to cry for any length of time or she loses it and sobs (even in her sleep) for what seems like hours. I have been working on her self settling for the last few weeks, and this is really helping her. For naps and bedtime, I look to put her down 15 mins before I expect her to need to because I find I so often leave it just too late, I make sure she has loads of time to wind down as she is quite excitable and high energy.

I don't know if this helps, but I feel for you, keep going.

Mamachris, about the vomiting - do you think he could have some form of reflux? Or sensitivity to cow's milk protein passed through your breastmilk? I don't know how likely the latter is though given that DT1 seems fine.

It really does sound hellish and I for one think you are right when you say that all that crying can't be completely benign. There has to be a reason.

Aside from the crying, the thing that made me think reflux was the stopping-feeding-to-sleep thing: My DS stopped feeding to sleep around 3 weeks old for that reason.

MamaChris,
I too have twins (now 18 mos). I was quite lucky with their sleeping and I stopped feeding them at night (they were breastfed too) at 9 months when I went back to work.

We too had phases where one twin or the other would wake crying (or howling) and these seemed to coincide with either developmental 'spurts' (learning to crawl, learning to walk) or teething, whether visible or not seen for a week or two.

I have to admit, we were pretty free and easy with the Calpol during these crying episodes. 5 mls before putting them down and 5 mls if they woke crying (every 4 hours, they can have another 5 mls) really helped my boys. He might have a really sore jaw, or earache, or general teething pain. It was amazing how often the Calpol sorted my boys out.

Something that I worked out last night with my 4 month old - once he gets upset and starts to feed - he gulps in so much air that he is full of wind. I was accrediting the screaming with overtiredness....

Mine was hysterical last night as I was putting him to bed, was screaming whilst trying to feed, so I gave him a really good winding - which produced a huge flood of milk - but he was then all smiles again.

I agree with barmbrack

Calpol saved me from going crazy! Get some plastic syringes from Boots, much easier than try to use a spoon, also try some Gripe water. Helped my DS do a massive poo and burp...was sooooo much happier after.

Hope you have a better night :)

glad to know we're not alone camper and sedgie :) better night last night. less crying and I handled it better. am trying to make him the first baby I attend to in the day in the hope of re-bonding. and he just rolled for the first time today, so maybe developmental?

no aversion to calpol, hadn't even crossed my mind that he might be in pain :( poor thing, will have a go next time (but how do you put the calpol in if you can't get the screaming to stop?)

don't think it's wind - used to be, but he windmill his arm with that. reflux? he didn't used to be a sicky baby, but has become increasingly so as he has grown, and as the screaming has got less. does that fit with reflux?

narmada you're right that I truly don't think this amount of screaming is benign, so extreme compared to my other babies, and others I have known, but it has improved so much daytimes at least, compared to where we were a couple of months ago, that I'm hoping whatever the cause is something that he's growing out of. hoping he may grow out of it at night too.

sorry - bit incoherent that . two babies on my lap distracting me

Calpol administration - we use a syringe (the flat-end one that comes with nurofen). if he's screaming, a little bit at a time into the side of his cheek. Warn him you're doing it (iykwim).

Is he sucky at all? Sometimes a dummy can help. Also, you can administer the calpol by slotting the syringe in next to the dummy and letting his sucking suck it in.

Glad things are going a bit better.