no sleep till brooklyn

[kaiki]

i will keep this as brief and concise as my sleep curdled mind can manage, apologies if it seems a bit erratic.

DD is 10 months and has never been an easy sleeper- she became worse at the four month sleep regression and has been pretty much spiralled downward since then.
Bedtime is 7pm - she will then wake up anywhere between two and seven times before midnight at which point she will either need to come into bed with me and DP or will sleep on and off till 2am when she will start waking every fifteen minutes. we have co-slept since she was four months for his reason although she is put to bed in her own cot and room since she was six months old (i am a prolific and vigourous snorer and was worried the sheer volume was compounding the problem).
She was EBF and continues to feed about three times a night, so know that she is not hungry. As such I have always attended to her at night and at bedtime - I haven't had a night off or out in 10 months and haven't had an unbroken nights sleep in a year (last 2 months of pregnancy were too uncomfortable to sleep!)

i have ordered a copy of elizabeth pantleys 'no cry' book and in all honesty am too tired to implement any sort of sleep training, plus i figure she is still very little and i want to give her comfort as and when she needs it so this isn't necessarily a question about sleep training, i just don't understand my daughter!

we have had to change her bedtime routine at least three times in ten months because as soon as she starts to wise up to where it is leading (i.e bed) she starts screaming, clinging to me or dp and pedalling her little legs furiously - things improved since we introduced a dummy at seven months but that doesn't help her sleep for longer spells as i had hoped it would.
she seems to hate sleep and couldn't self settle if i paid her to do it in chocolate. she seems unable to 'wind down' and goes from deeply asleep to awake and hysterical in a flash. we went to see a cranial oesteopath who told me that dd had a 'highly developed nervous system which would explain a lot but i hate seeing her so upset and anxious - i just want my baby to enjoy going to sleep, and if i'm perfectly honest i want a night out! also i have started seeing things - ugh, i sound like Derek Acorah - around the flat, little shadows out of the corner of my eye and although i know it is fatigue i would rather believe that the flat is haunted by a benevolent ghost than i am so sleep deprived that my mind is playing tricks on me!

does anyone else have a baby like this ? i know there is no 'normal' with babies but i just want to be able to understand why she can't seem to switch off - during the day she is sparky, alert and curious - she is crawling and toddling when assisted by us and loves to be on the move. i'm aware she is in the process of a big develpment spurt and i'm looking forward to that being over but i just can't see her ever changing and dread having a sleepless toddler too. i love her to bits and just want to be able to understand her so that i feel better able to help her. i guess i'm looking for reassurance that she can change, and that someone else knows what i'm talking about!

just read this back, so sorry for endless waffle!

To me it sould like a mix of separation anxiety and over tiredness.

Have you thought of trying another type of comforter? My DS liked silky things so I bought him some little silky blankets to hold in bed (he used to wake due to eczema). They helped as he was then happier to be left and self settle with his comforter. You could try a stuffed toy and have that with you both during the day and then staying with her at night.

What happens for naps?

If she is over tired she could be sleeping very deeply at first and then not able to get back to sleep properly when she wakes because she slept so deeply.

Perhaps you could stop feeding her at night, especially if her weight etc are OK. Maybe send your DP in with some water for her instead. If you feel bad about it you could always read your new book while you wait for him to come back :)

I know lack of sleep is awful (I've been there too) but you must give yourself a break. A hallucinating Mum is not really a good thing!

elbandito, thanks for your response - sorry to hear about your ds suffering from eczema - dd has patches of it too but i don't think they are bothering her. g.p has told me to wait until she's a year old before treating as 'baby' eczema often clears up by then (?)- either way is horrid for them both.

think she is definately waking out of over-tiredness and inability to self settle - you're certainly right about the deep sleep - during her 40 minute cycles i could march past her with a brass band and she wouldn't stir - however, because i attend to her immediately on waking i think i may be part of the problem iyswim. she tends to wake up without fully waking but then wants to play with my hair/put her fingers up my nose/touch my teeth etc etc as she settles back down again. last night she woke up at three and wouldn't lie down so i had to sit (with her on my chest like a tree frog)watching bbc news while she twiddled my hair with her eyes closed. arrrrgh!

will take your advice and try her with a comforter - that would certainly take the pressure off me. she has a few 'favourite' cuddly toys and one old rag (was her baby hat) which she seems quite attached to so will carry a few round with us over the next few days and see if she is drawn to one or the other.

saw the health vistor today who has noticed (as i have) that dd has one pupil larger than the other and has reccomended me to the doctor to get this checked - think i read on mumsnet a while ago that this can signify a problem with too much adrenelin in baby's system which would explain a lot i think.

love the idea of sending dp in to see the screaming banshee baby while i sit and read the 'no cry sleep solution' book. hahahaha.

p.s spoke to dp about the hallucinations today, he reminded me we live in a fairly obscurely shaped shadowy flat and to remember that "ghosts and things are just bollocks". he is giving me a lie in at the weekend :)

p.s just seen your question about naps - she always falls asleep in my arms and is transferred to cot while asleep. we have to switch off every light and close every door to create a dark corridor of space in the hall, or if we're out in the sling i have to cover her eyes with my scarf or her hood as she seems to need a total absence of stimuli around us before she'll settle.

The seeing things out the corner of your eye .......hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation. I am familiar with them myself!

Enjoy the lie in.

I think you should see if sending in the marines your DP will help. Maybe also try to leave her in the cot and rub her back gently etc to see if that will help her stay there rather than coming in with you.

But I'm sure there are better ideas aplenty in your book.

fifitot - bizarre isn't it ? funnily enough for me it is only when i'm at home but like dp said, it does have obscure angles so there are funny shadows in all kinds of places. still peculiar though, and a bit scary if i'm honest!

elbandito - this is me, having my lie-in at 7:56am. laptop, fresh coffee, newspaper, lovely.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed for pantley and her sleep solution, crying or otherwise. i think if we can train dd to stay in her cot even for a night then that's progress. wish me luck!