13wo cries each night when we try to put him to bed

[vmcd28]

Ds2 is 13w 4d. Over the past few weeks his nighttime sleep got longer and longer, and he now tends to sleep from 9.30pm til around 7am, sometimes later, which is fantastic. However the problem is getting him to sleep in the first place. Until 2 weeks ago I bfed him to sleep then lifted him into his cot. 3 weeks ago he started getting a formula feed at bedtime, and we decided to try to break his comfort-feeding-to-sleep habit. Sometimes he'll watch his mobile happily then drop off to sleep 10 minutes later. But mostly he is devastated the second he gets put down in his cot. DH does the whole bedtime routine to give me a break, and also because ds might be more upset if I'm with him but I don't comfort him to sleep.
What do we do to encourage him to happily lie / fall asleep in his cot?

Currently, dh takes him upstairs at around 8.30pm with 8oz of formula. He quietly feeds him in a dim room with the nature sounds playing on the mobile. Ds gets drowsy and full up (he doesn't always have thr full 8oz), then cries and cries when he's laid down in the cot. So dh picks him up and comforts and rocks him. Tries to put him down again, same thing happens. Ultimately ds falls asleep in the middle of sobbing, in dh's arms. How do we fix this...? Why does he get so upset about being laid down at bedtime?!

During the day he will only go to sleep either bfeeding or in his wee swing, but can get annoyed when he's put into the swing.

Is he really well-winded before you put him down? A lot of babies get an evening wind problem after the last feed ... gas building up over the day leads to tummy-ache at bedtime. I remember spending what felt like for ever sat patting my son's back at that age. If there was so much as a bubble left he couldn't settle and would make a terrible racket... otherwise he could sleep for England.

I think you're partly right - he has terrible wind during the night. I spend half the day winding him, and we use infacol and the granules too, so I don't know how much more I can do.

However I think the other problem is that he has trouble falling asleep on his own. He's always either feeding to sleep or in a swing, which I have no idea how to change

I never found infacol etc. very effective. Lots of determined patting and burping - especially after the last feed - was the only thing that made a difference. If it's any consolation they do grow out of it fairly quickly. :) As for self-settling, you said earlier that he'll sometimes watch his mobile and then drop off after 10 minutes. That's a good enough start. For daytime naps, will he fall asleep in buggy or car-seat? If he can do that then, as he gets older, he should be able to keep going. Resist the temptation to change things too much... they get the hang of it better if you work with them rather than trying to force the past.

And to misquote Bruce and Tess... 'Keeeeeeep winding!'

'force the pace' that should have been.

:)
Thanks again - I don't think infacol works for us either but I'm scared to stop in case it gets even worse!
This morning he was tired, so I put him in his cot with the mobile switched on while I had a shower. He lay there happily till my hair was almost dried then started fussing. I lifted him for a kiss and cuddle, he did a huge fart, and instantly dozed off! Bless him. Id spent a LONG time winding him before putting him down too. Ugh.
Anyway he slept for 45 mins in his cot which he's never ever done in the daytime. Yay!

To answer your question, yes he falls asleep in the car and swing, and often in the pram, so he's capable of falling asleep without being held, but I wonder if it's motion he relies on just now. Tbh I'm happy enough with him sleeping in his swing during the day but kind of feel that I "should" put him in his cot instead. Ds1 is almost 6yo and he slept well, so this bedtime resistance is new to us! I'm going to tell dh to wind him and wind him and wind him tonight to see what happens. We don't usually spend so long on that at bedtime cos we were trying not to disturb him when he's dropping off. Possibly a double edged sword

If he gets into the habit of regular naps - even if it is the motion that makes it happen to start with - then my feeling is he'll keep that habit going eventually with no motion. Definitely tell DH to wind more thoroughly. I used to have my DS draped over one arm like an old towel... other hand patting and rubbing his back... and he'd still go all limp and sleepy. Think he found it a comfortable position!

Are you putting him to bed too late? Most babies are better if they are in bed by 6.30 or 7. Perhaps he is overtired by this late hour?

I think he's still so little I would just carry on getting him to sleep with rocking in your arms etc and put him down asleep, I think he's still a bit to young to learn self settling personally. But aslso agree with gummymum, he may be a bit overtired. DS is ready for bed by 7.

Gummy, I meant to mention that in my original post. Until a few weeks ago, ds2 stayed downstairs with us til we went to bed, as he was an evening cluster feeder, attached to me all evening, apart from a short nap here and there.
At this stage we started a bedtime bottle of formula to save my sanity. He then started to get sleepy earlier, so started going down at around 9.30, after having his bottle (which took ages cos he wasn't used to having a bottle).
Anyway, a few nights ago we decided to try earlier, but all that happened was that ds took 90 mins to settle, so it was still 9.30 on the dot when he fell asleep, grrr!

Last night I did the bedtime routine for a change (dh usually does it). DS was fed, winded and sound asleep by 8.20pm. Easy.
Dh couldn't believe how quick I'd been, so I said "All i did was put his grobag on and cuddle him in while feeding him, and i said ssssssssh the whole time."
DH: Oh, right, that's a good idea.
ME: I stopped to wind him a few times, still saying sssssh and gently rocking him the whole time.
DH: Ah OK, I'll try that then - good idea.
ME: And I had the nature sounds playing on the mobile the whole time.
DH: Ah, ok.
ME (TO MYSELF): WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THEN ?!?!

I don't know if it was just luck last night but I'd like to think not! Oh, and ds slept till 7.45am today, which is good doing, even for him.

I should just point out that he's an easy baby - touch wood - and I'm concerned that he often gets upset at bedtime, I'm not complaining for our sakes

Aargh, this is one problem of going to sleep earlier - he's been awake since 0530, chatting, grunting, babbling and shouting. I'm thankful that he lay there for over an hour, but I didn't manage to sleep through it. Ugh! Why does he sleep 12 hours one night and 9 the next?! Grr! Although I know we're very very lucky to get 9 hours, so I'll stop complaining now.

vmcd28, DS used to take ages to settle if we tried to get him to be earlier as well, probably at around the same age, but then suddenly seemed to crack it, don#t know why.

If it's bottom wind, you could try rubbing his tummy gently clockwise and then downwards after a feed, then lift him into a sitting position and rub his back. This sometimes works with my DS who farts for England.