How to bring co-sleeping to an end.

[crikeybadger]

ASWould appreciate any suggestions that fellow co-sleepers may have.

Here's the situation to date...
DS3 is 16 months old.
Has co-slept either completely or partially pretty much from birth.
He had a brief spell of staying in his cot all night long which was thwarted by the 9mo sleep regression.

After this, he would wake in his cot and as soon as I picked him up, he would point to the door and he would end up in our bed for the rest of the night.

This situation has not been ideal but has continued because I can't be doing with the crying in the middle of the night and the quickest way to more sleep for everyone is to let him in with us.

It's been mostly OK with him in the bed, however DS3 is quite fidgety and tends to kick DH in the night. It's only a double bed and both DH and I are starting to feel quite weary now and that we are constantly getting broken sleep.

The final straw has been the events of the last few mornings. He's been waking up between 5.15am and 6.15 am and throwing an absolute strop. The only thing which calms him is for me to get up, leave the bedroom and hold him (I have to be standing for some reason). He has been ill with D and V over the last few days, so I'm not sure if it's connected.

So, sorry for the essay but I'm starting to reach the end of my patience with it all.

Also worth adding..
he's still bfing, but not generally at night now.
We did have a go at CC but could only cope with two nights. I just couldn't bear to listen to it and DS got more distressed when I went in to comfort him.

Can anyone suggest some gentle ways to get him to sleep in his cot all night please.

a sleep deprived bump

Is his cot in a separate room? Can you set up a bed for you in there? Then introduce a bedtime routine, put him to bed in his cot. You might need to stay in his room for the night wakings so it's easier on him.

We stopped co sleeping with DS around 4/5 months but did go back as he got older, eg he got very ill around 13 months so came back in our room. We set up a travel cot in our room and kept putting him down in it. He got the hang of it, then we moved him back to his room with the same bedtime routine. If he didn't settle, I'd check for wind first. If none, then I'd either cuddle to sleep then put down or tell DS it was time for bed and to lie down. Surprisingly it sometimes worked if nothing was wrong. He'd get a bit upset sometimes, but I've found being consistent and sometimes even leaving the room saying night night meant he settled faster.

That's a garbled way of saying just go for it. Yes there'll be tears but it's a change for him so he won't be happy. Just make sure you show him you'll be there for him but it is time for him to sleep in his cot.

Thanks for that Iggly

Yes, his cot is in a separate room and he goes down fine just before 7pm.

He wakes at some point in the early hours (anything from 2am-4am) and that's when he comes in with us.

There's no space in his room for a bed but I did have a sleeping bag at the ready for last night. I picked him up and tried to lie down with him (on the floor in his room), but he just went ballistic. Once he's in with us (unsurprisingly) he often settles straight back to sleep.

So, if he wakes in the night, do you think I should go in and just sit with him and leave him in his cot?

very similar to what iggly said.
we never had a cot, but when our ds1 was about that age, we got him a children's bed in his own room. he would go down fine in there and for a long time, if he woke up one of us would go lie next to him until he went back to sleep, and after a while we found that he was sleeping all night in his own room. he has now taken to coming in to us in the night again though and he's 3! so hardly a shining example for you.
introducing a bed did mean that we could lie down next to him so was easier to keep him asleep than if we had been scooping him out of a cot. the flip side is that he could get out himself but we never found that to be a problem.

We've got a "cube" which is smaller than a bed and folds up quite small so can stay in his room. DS doesn't sleep on it with us, we lie on it and stay with him.

Yes I'd try and get him back in the cot - best to do it by rocking or cuddling or keeping your hands on him instead of expecting him to self settle which will involve a lot of crying I'm sure! If you stick to his room then it'll be leas confusing for him. If you think it wont work some nights then bear in mind he might still be feeling rough so consider bringing him back into your bed if he just won't settle. You will get there in the end.

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I think I'd just hit a bit of a brick wall with this.

I'd spoken to a friend about CC yesterday and she said the only person it hurts is the mother and it's short term pain for long term gain. It's just so hard on everyone (I've got two other DSs) when there is non stop crying in the middle of the night. He does get very upset when I won't bring him out of the room- crying and twisting his body towards the door.

I'm going to bite the bullet and try and settle him in his cot. Just need to muster up the energy!

I think cc has it's place but sometimes if there's something genuinely wrong then it won't work. I can leave DS to grizzle for a minute and he'll settle. If he's got wind, teething or going through a developmental leap then no chance, he kicks off. So I have to adapt my approach. Don't beat yourself up about it, try different things for a few nights but know when you need to take the easy road!