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Sleep

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Original poster

Is controlled crying making my 51/2 month old anxious

31 replies

NDS1 · 14/02/2011 21:19

Our son is generally a good sleeper during the night, for the last 2 weeks he has only woken up once around 4 or 5am for a feed, after going down at around 8.30/9pm. From around 3 months,as we moved him to his bedroom we introduced a bedtime routine which went: Bottle, bath, story feed (i breastfeed to top him up) and then bed. However he started associating me feeding him with sleep and from around 4 months he began relying on me to feed him to sleep both during the day and night. We tried changing the routine to end with a story, but he got upset and so we continued with the old routine, but being mindful not to let him fall asleep at the breast. He continued however to feed from me to become drowsy enough to fall asleep. We decided on controlled crying because we know that us being around him would make him worse. We are now into our very emotional 3rd night of controlled crying and although it's working- he's gone from 40mins of crying to 26mins to 12mins- as we start his bedtime routine, he starts to get very upset, crying and getting intosuch a state it's very hard to get him out of it. When i put him in his cot he starts to panic. I'm sure this is because of the controlled crying. Should i stop the controlled crying? Or is this to be expected and it's ok to carry on? Help!

OP posts:

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Casmama · 14/02/2011 21:25

Its just my personal opinion but i think 5 1/2 months is way to young to be doing controlled crying. Others may have a different view but I think you should stop doing it. However, my ds has only just started sleeping through at 17 months so you maybe don't want to listen to me

Mishy1234 · 14/02/2011 21:27

IMHO 5.5 months is too early to do controlled crying. I'm not a fan of the method at any age, but definitely not so young.

Is there a particular reason why feeding to sleep is an issue for you atm? I would return to this routine if that's what he's most comfortable with in order to restore his confidence at bedtime.

Others may well post more useful advice, but that's what I would do in your situation.

TheSecondComing · 14/02/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 14/02/2011 21:32

he is too small to be doing this with... he's just a baby! of course he wants to be fed to sleep and have the comfort and security of you there

why are you so keen to have him go to sleep by himself in a room away from you?

he has no idea you are coming back. it doesn't matter how many times you do it... each time you leave he does not know that you will come in again, that is why he cries so much. ,that's why he is getting worked up

CC works by teaching a baby that there is no point crying because no-one will come to them.

Original poster

NDS1 · 14/02/2011 21:45

Thanks for your advice, going back to feeding to sleep is probably what i'll end up doing, the reason why we decided to do it was because
although he has a big chunk of sleep (which i'm very lucky to have), in the evenings it can take up to 10 times to put him in his cot bed before he will be sleepy enough to go to sleep and in the evenings especially while we are still up, he will wake up regularly until about 8.30/9pm and then it takes a feed for him to fall asleep again. We have tried opting for a later put down to see if he goes down at the same time, but he does the same thing but til later. I get arond 30mins to wolf down my dinner and that's my evening. I go back to work in a few weeks, and to have no time to relax or spend time with my other half is going to be very hard to function! Plus that much feeding and your nipples get rather sore!!

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 14/02/2011 21:50

To answer your question, I think that yes, CC would be making him feel very scared and anxious.

What does he do sleep-wise during the day? I found that our ds's settled better and slept better if they's slept well during the day, but not too late in the afternoons.

Might be worth some thought?

Louii · 14/02/2011 21:54

Christ of course he is bloody anxious, you left a tiny baby to cry for 40 minutes.
Definately should not be doing controlled crying at that age.

AintMissBeehiving · 14/02/2011 22:03

5.5 months is too young for cc IMHO. But then DS 2 is an appalling sleeper at 17 months

BarryShitpeas · 14/02/2011 22:04

yes

hester · 14/02/2011 22:14

I agree that 5.5 months is too young for CC. But it would be a shame to go back to feeding to sleep. Could you try a middle way? I stopped bfing my 8 month old to sleep, but I would sit beside her as she went to sleep, stroking her back or holding her hand as necessary, but not taking her out of the cot. A sleep consultant recommended this approach to me, and it really worked. She pointed out that although dd would cry, because she was cross and upset and over-tired, she couldn't get really traumatised with me sitting beside her. She told me that it would take a bit longer than CC, but that it would work.

It took 4 days. Though 33 did cry (an hour on the first night, 40 minutes on the 2nd, 7 minutes on the third), it was not a really distressed cry.

As with all other approaches, you do have to be really consistent, though.

lovelybabyboy · 14/02/2011 22:15

If you are worried about him falling asleep while bf what about just giving him the bottle? We struggled with getting an evening so for a week now I have been doing the same thing every night. Breast feed at 5pm, bath about 6.15ish ready for formula at 7. DS is then very sleepy and will hve cuddle to sleep. Haven't managed to put him down drowsy yet but working on it. Gradually the cuddle time has got shorter so starting to have an evening again!

bamboostalks · 14/02/2011 22:18

If such a small baby is actually panicking about something, that would indicate to me that something must be very wrong. Follow your instincts.

Original poster

NDS1 · 15/02/2011 10:01

we decided to go down the route of cc becuase other mums i know have done it with babies that are the same age or younger and after a week of it, they are now settling themselves and sleeping for longer in the night. We were reluctant to do it becuase of him being so young. We have tried the bottle, but he has never really accepted it. We thought of the idea of staying with him, but he gets more distressed with me in the room! His cries get worse! But it might be the only option.

OP posts:

seeker · 15/02/2011 10:05

Look at the state your baby gets into.

Look at the question you have asked.

What do you think the answer might be?

narmada · 15/02/2011 10:29

Personally I think that instigating controlled crying is not the end of the world! For what it's worth I think the evidence on supposed negative long-term brain changes is ]poor. There is a difference between persistently neglecting your baby and leaving him or her to cry, and doing it for a few nights.

That said, I struggled to do CC with my DD - she just got more worked up, but the ONLY way we managed to get her to sleep reasonably was by teaching her to settle in her cot. Didn't leave her to cry alone, but didn't pick her up either. It was quick and it worked.

IngridBergmann · 15/02/2011 10:33

I'd stop it immediately, yes, it is making him anxious.

Please listen to your instincts on this - he's upset because he needs you. He is far too young to be sleeping through unless he does it all by himself without your intervention, and that's rare at this age.

Please just keep him with you, there is plenty of time to ''detach'' him from you later.

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2011 11:21

some babies will cry, tire themselves out and fall asleep

other babies will get more and more and more and more worked up and become very agitated

just because your friends claim CC has worked for them that doesn't mean it's ok, or that it works for everyone

nickytwotimes · 15/02/2011 11:23

ditch it.

far too young.

seeker · 15/02/2011 11:46

"ome babies will cry, tire themselves out and fall asleep"

And this is OK?!

BertieBotts · 15/02/2011 12:34

Not going to get into the CC debate other than to say - don't worry about "bad habits" at this stage. If it works, it works. If at some point in the future it doesn't, you can change it then. He might have grown out of it by then anyway. But there's no point stressing yourself out now about something that might be a problem in the future.

If your nipples are hurting when you breastfeed for a long time, have you had any help with this? IME (as a mum and as a peer supporter) it shouldn't be hurting at all at 5.5 months. You should be able to get this sorted, which should help a little.

I think I used to keep DS downstairs in the bouncy chair or on my lap for the evening until we went to bed at 11ish - tiny babies aren't really trouble to have around, I found, until they start crawling!

Have you heard of a book called "The no cry sleep solution"? It has lots of ideas for different ways of helping your baby settle without leaving them to cry. There are other options, it's just nobody tells you this!

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2011 16:33

did i say it was ok seeker?

if you have read any of my other posts you will see thaqt I clearly don't think it's ok... it was merely a possible explanation as to why the OP's friends may have had "success" with CC.

anything else you want to randomly read into other people's posts for no apparent reason?

MsScarlett · 15/02/2011 16:39

CC made my dd anxious about going down and i am still trying to undo it... So what if he only sleeps after a feed? Most babies do! I would worry about that later, I'm sure once he is weaned off milk you will have found some other way to get him ready to sleep.

TheSecondComing · 16/02/2011 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zimm · 16/02/2011 14:27

CC works because baby 'plays dead' to protect themselves from predators, as they believe no one will come and save them. So if you must do it, wait until they are old enough to understand there are no lions in the house!

IngridBergmann · 16/02/2011 17:01

well that's one theory, Zimm...

Never heard that before.

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