5 month DD father cant settle her

[eyebrowqueen]

in the evening when she wakes up she is inconsolable til I BF her. Even if I fed her 20 mins before so she can't be hungry. Her father can't soothe her at all and I am feeling a bit harangued. Obv I do just feed her though. Should I go with it or try and break the habit?

It isn't that he can't it's just DD knows that if she cries you will swoop in.

Can DH offer her a bottle at that time?

I am a nanny and several parents say "They won't settle unless with me" However babies/children learn that they can be comfoted by others. Just bear with it and let DH learn how to settle her :)

Whenever I face a situation I would like to change I break it down into steps and ask myself various questions, so apologies if the following sound patronising, they're not meant to, it's just a reflection of what my thought process would be in the situation.

First of all, are you sure she isn't hungry?

If you think it is a comfort thing and not a hunger thing then you need to find another way to comfort her other than breastfeeding.

Does your dp spend much time with your dd?
Will your dd be comforted by dp in the daytime?

If she will be comforted by your dp in the daytime then she is comfortable with him, and so with patience and finding his own way, he will be able to comfort her in the evening.

However it may take some time and frustration on all sides, but it is often worth it as it give you a break and it helps your dp's and dd's relationship.

My dd was exactly the same. I know you won't want to hear this, but it lasted until she was about 2 or 3. She would cry and scream inconsolably if dh went to her in the night, rather than me. It was nothing to do with breastfeeding, because dd was formula fed after the first month.

She eventually just grew out of it.

Well

Move it, DP doesn't spend much time with DD as we have been away and he works v long days. So there are some of the answers. I am sure she isn't hungry - sometimes she lasts ohh, 20 seconds before she goes back to sleep on the breast.

Grabaspoon, she won't take the bottle - I don't want her to have other milk yet. And you are right about the swooping! Except its the other way - he lingers until I come in!

Littlefish! 2 or 3!
noooooo

So In conclusion- I need to get them to hang out more and not expect any different until then!

Thank you for your replies

You'll all get there, it just takes time.

When dp is able to, a great way for them to spend time together is to have a bath together, ie dp actually in the bath with dd. A lot of men actually like to do some sort of activity with babies and the bath is a great one. Bubbles, toys, lots of swishing through the water on her back while supporting her. Even if it's only at the weekends it can be their time to be together and you can go and have a breather.

DH is always the one who goes and gets the babies out of their cot and do a nappy change when we're all ready to get up, then bring them into me for a feed. A baby will soon learn that daddy going in is a good thing as it means more milk, so they often have a happy excited face for daddy.

The little quite seemingly insignificant things can make a real difference

What good ideas thank you move it

You're very welcome