my 3year old wakes every night and wont resettle in his own bed

[Itrymybest]

Ds2 settles at night very easily but then wakes up in the early hours. He then starts crying and insisting he wants to sleep in "mummys bed". If I allow this he settles down immediately back to sleep all the while pinching my neck so I dont get much sleep! He totally ignore his daddy when doing this btw! If I sayno and settle him in his bed he gets absolutely distraught and beside himself and is impossible to settle - he gets out over and over and over again. He says I need to be with you mummy I dont want to be on my own.

He always pinches my neck when he's tired and when I'm settling him at night. He doesnt do this when dh puts him to bed but its not always possible for him to put him to bed due to his long hours and different shifts that he works.

Any advise from anyone please?

Any advise? Anyone?

Has your DH tried settling him back in his own bed at night? Can you tell him he can come into your bed but if he pinches your neck you'll put him straight back into his own bed?

Our 3yo has been sleeping in our bed since he was ill over Christmas so I'm not best placed to give advice.

Oh I can't believe this. I was about to post exactly that post except my dd is 26 months.

She settles at half seven but by midnight it's hysteria. Last night she was screaming til half four as I just couldn't back down. We're all exhausted and I was convinced my neighbour would call the police as dd screamed no daddy no daddy like she was being murdered.

Mine has recently started preschool and she gets distraught at me leaving her. Now it seems to have escalated where she won't be left even to sleep.

Your post amazed me though because my dd has to pinch my neck. She started it at 6 months whilst breastfeeding, then moved on to pinching her underarms. If she climbs in with me she starts on my neck again.

Sorry no advice but if you don't mind I'm going to watch this with interest. Last night I had to resort to coming down to the lounge to show no tv, no cars, no people to enforce it's night time just to avoid her getting in my bed. I need advice too.

Dh has tried but he then screams I WANT MY MUMMY!! and goes straight back into bed!! Does the same if we try to put him back to bed once he's asleep he always wakes up and comes back. Trouble is dh often starts work early ie 530 and then ds is disturbed and i have to get up too!! Also if I turn over he tells me to turn around he ignores dh totally only wanting me well my neck really!

Remember you are the parent.

You and DH need to present a united front on this. TBH if you can I would get DH to settle him when he awakes in the night.

So

He wakes, DH goes in, tells him to go back to sleep, then leaves. If ds gets up DH needs to replace him in his bed and tell him to go back to sleep etc etc etc

Or instead of leaving DH can soothe and comfort him by stroking his brow etc

Dh has done this but ds gets so distraught and worked up and dh tells me to do it because he wants me not him!! So I always end up having to deal with him in the end!

Well then you need to do as I mention above - just put him straight back in his bed and say goodnight then leave him.

I've tried it and he screams and cries and gets so distraught. I have put him back over and over and over and he just comes out again. His bedroom is next to ds1s who is 5.5 and the other night he woke ds1 up withh all the comotion and none of them would settle. This is extremely unlike ds1 btw. I realise that settling ds in this way is the only option really though but it just seem to be working at the moment! :(

should be doesnt seem to be working at the moment!

You need to be consistant, just say bedtime and put him to bed; don't say anything else. Just keep doing it.

He has worked out that if he moans/cries/complains enough you will put him in with you so if you DO WANT HIM to sleep in his own room then YOU will have to be strong/consistant/the adult who knows that at the end of the day a couple of tough nights will teach your child to sleep correctly.

Screaming and crying doesn't necessarily mean 'distraught' in a 3 year-old. If you refused him something in the daytime (sweets, toys, etc) and he screamed and cried you wouldn't say he was distraught you would say he was tantrumming because he wasn't getthing his own way. Agree with grabaspoon... be strong and consistent. Good luck

Can you try breaking the cycle when you and dh have the weekend off?

DH needs to be on side for him to say oh ds wants you is a cop out imo, he should say to ds mummy is asleep, she is tired and if you want her to be a fun mummy and not tired and grumpy you need to go to sleep.

Also explain in advance that he will not be sleeping in your bed and STICK to it! Be firm.

?You could just a reward chart with stickers each morning he stays in his bed with a treat for a whole week of doing it.

3yrs is old enough to understand the reasons this can't continue.

hth

How did last night go?

I hope I didn't sound harsh - especially as I know a lot of mnetters like to bedshare and all that stuff. I often work 24/7 weeks as a nanny so do know what it's like to be so tired that actually you just want to give in but also know that in the long term you want to teach your child to resettle.

As a poster said it is not him being distraught and upset it is him having a tantrum knowing full well that when he normally does this you give in, you just need to show him, that this is not one of those situations.

No you didnt sound harsh I have no intention of cosleeping with ds I'd never get any sleep! Ds actually slept ALL NIGHT last night amazing!