Is nearly 4yo too old for controlled crying???

[Grommit]

Dd is waking every night at least once and screaming and refusing to go back to sleep. She says she is frightened of monsters in the shadows even though I leave her light on. If I lie with her she will go back to sleep in about 20 mins but I don't want to get into the habit of this. If I leave her cryig she becomes hysterical and will cry for at least 10 mins (I haven't lasted more than this). This started about a month ago when she gave up her dummy. Help! I need to get this sorted out before the arrival of number 2!

Hmmm. I'm not sure controlled crying would be the best solution for this if it is nightmares that are keeping DD from sleep. It may just make her feel more insecure and frightened. I have no suggestions for an alternative solution though, I'm afraid.

Hope you get it sorted soon
WSM

Grommit, star chart? I know my approach isn't for everyone (there was a recent thread) but I have always told ds there is no such thing as monsters/witches/dragons and it is therefore totally impossible for there to be one under his bed. I agree, you don't want to go too far down this road especially with another on the way. A star chart with something she REALLY wants at the end of a night/2 nights non crying will sort out whether she is able to control this or not. I used to explain to ds what he had to do too, i.e. if you wake up and it's nighttime you need to get yourself back to sleep or you won't get a star".

Grommit ... are you me? I am having this exact problem with DS (3 and 10 months) at the moment and it is driving me potty. I was going to start up a new thread about it but now I don't have to!
We were experts at CC ... in the days when DS was in a cot ... but if I leave him to cry now he just gets up and comes into our room ... and begs to sleep with us.
The problem we have is that DS is a very sensitive child and he is genuinely scared of 'something' ... I have done the monsters don't exist thing but I remember so clearly being afraid in the night myself when I was a child that I do feel for him. In fact I am still scared at night if DH is away ... (bit embarrassed about that ... )
My dilemma is that I am so torn between getting really cross and making him go back to bed (and he is scared and clinging) or giving in and letting him sleep with us ... we have done the latter in the last week or so.
Then the sensible side of me says "You are making a rod for your own back blah blah" ... and of course the other problem is that I just can't sleep with DS kicking me and grunting and making all the noise that he does.
But is making him go back to his bed telling him that we don't care about his fears?????
Feel totally bad and guilty about the whole thing.
Star charts are good. We have one and when we started it (about 6 months ago) it was fantastic ... but I think the novelty has worn off now ... and also whatever fears he has in the night seem to pale the star chart into insignificance ...
Anyway ... in answer to your question ... I think 4 is too old for CC ... I would love to do it but like I say DS just climbs out of bed and comes to us if we leave him to cry.
Total disaster!

Oh yes monsters under the bead, crocodiles in draws, sharks in the hall we have them all, you'd have to be James Bond to get out of dd's room alive these days (been going on for a while now). That or a mummy with a broom who says in her cross voice (stern but not shouting) "now listen hear you -- (fill in as required) there'll be no eating of small children in this house. Now go away - is trying to sleep"

The neighbours think I'm mad, even dd finds it slightly funny but imo better for her to laugh about her fears than to carry on being afraid.

I too am slightly scared of the dark in so much as I won't get out of bed without some kind of light on in the hall and I jump the last few feet in to bed (so that nothing can grab me from under the bed). Yeah I'm embarassed by it.

I don't want dd to still be doing these things when she gets older so I show her that it's alright to be scared but that these things aren't there and even if they were they wouldn't hurt her as mummy has a big broom and would wollop them with it.

What ever approach you take I wish you all luck.

Grommit
Similarly I 'm not sure that controlled crying is the solution as the problem is possibly not within her control.

Our then 3.5yr old ds also used to wake up hysterically. It was around the time just before dd was due so may be that was part of it. But he also used to be scared of "monsters" in the shadows. In fact he didn't always completely awake when he was crying. We rearranged a few things in the house so that they did not cast strange shadows - even a the distorted shadow of a photoframe in the daytime freaked him out once. Leaving her light on may make the situation worse if there are strange shapes or even a mirror around, perhaps something lower key would be better. (We leave a nightlight on in the hall outside)

I don't think this is particularly unusual although it is hard not to worry. Fortunately for ds it passed quickly although he does sometimes still get disorientated when we are away from home and he wakes needing the toilet.

hth

We have this too. dd1 (3.8) is generally insecure at the moment so I am hoping it will pass. As I said in an earlier thread I am using the wakings to make her have a wee - she was wearing a nappy at night until now, so thats one good thing about it.

I am resigned to it now - she has to know where I am, once she knows I am around she goes straight back to sleep.

Unfortunately its me she wants so dp going into her just makes her more upset.

I have been having a doze in the day (baby asleep, dd1 glued to The Little Mermaid) and going to bed earlier to compensate until it passes...

Just a thought: Is the light which is causing the shadows? Would it be worth leaving the light off, but leaving her in control of a light which she can turn on if she needs to check that there is nothing to be afraid of? A bright light which doesn't cast shadows?

Thanks for all the responses - looks like this is a common problem and I will just have to grin and bear it. I am sure it will pass (eventually). I have tried lights on/off, bribery/rewards etc. - nothing seems to work. DD is a bit of an actress so I am not altogether convinced about the monsters - seems to be one of a list of excuses to get attention in the night but I need to reassure her anyway just in case. I suppose it just seems worse at the moment as dh has taken a new job working away 4 days per week....