How can I get my 9 month to self settle- cruelty free?

[Hippychick27]

I have to go back to work 3 days a week when my daughter is a year old. At 9 months she doesn't self settle. When I take her to a child minders or nursery am I right in assuming they will expect her to just go in a cot and sleep. I currently rock, cuddle, stroller her to sleep. She co-sleeps with us at night, which is no trouble. I dread the thought of having to do sleep training. Have read the NCSS. Does it work? I want her to settle comfortably in a cot for the day sleep but still keep co-sleeping at night.

You'll probably find that the childminder or nursery will manage just fine without the need to sleep-train. However, at nine months, you should be able to just pop her in her cot quietly and expect that she will drift off. Cuddle/rock/feed/etc until she looks reasonably relaxed and then put her down with a smile. Main thing to avoid is any anxiety on your part so try not to 'dread' anything and don't think a baby grizzling a little is necessarily 'cruelty'. This where childminders etc. tend to have the advantage. Good luck

Hippychick, we are having the same problem. Currently DS (8.5 months) is being shushed/jiggled/rocked to sleep for his naps. When I put him down he is often still slightly awake and is ok to be shushed in the cot and would then drift off. But I still have not reached the next step of just being able to put him down in the cot and he would self settle. I don't mind if he grizzles for a few minutes but he is the kind of baby that would just cry louder and louder..
So bumping this for you.

Book marking for me - same issue....no ideas...

Same here, only my DD is 10 months old - it just took DP about 45 min to rock her to sleep. Same as vez123 - she cries louder and louder and works herself into a frenzy!

A friend of mine found the following article, which is really interesting as far as babies 'working themselves up into a frenzy' goes (mine does):
www.askmoxie.org/2011/01/tension-increasers.html

I'm in the same boat- can't get DS settled in cot, co-sleeping still for my sanity and feeding to sleep or rocking or in the buggy's the only way to get him off to the land of nod.

Read NCSS and some bits work but I really feel that I need to be able to stay awake to make it work, rather than rolling over and sticking the boob in his mouth when he wakes up (and subsequently falling asleep myself)

A friend of ours got her DH to take the baby at night for a week and give her baby tea (we live in Germany, tea's for some reason the 'done' thing) when she woke up. It worked and she sleeps through. Afterall, there's no point in waking up if all you get is some naff tea!

Not black tea though! Redbush or fruit tea.

Haha, thanks silkenladder It just occurred to me that that could be misinterpreted! No black tea otherwise you might find you're awake the whole night! There's special baby fennel tea as well, which is supposed to help with bloated little tums.

Just to clarify, we are talking screaming and not grizzling. She grizzles and complains for a while before sleeping in her pram, that I am fine with, but if put in her cot to sleep it is all out screaming.

Zombielady- found the article on crying and tension very interesting. I did 10 minutes of her in the cot yesterday at sleep time and she did scream for 10 (long) minutes and was stood up in the cot reaching for me, although when I picked her up and took her out of the gloom I was surprised to find she wasn't crying.

Next week am aiming to start putting her down in the cot just before she drifts off and pick up when she gets very irate and then repeat the process. Will post how many times we do this before sleep!

I try to think of it as not bad sleeping but good survival instincts. Back in the day if a baby wasn't being held while asleep they would have been at risk of being eaten by lions.

No advice on the original question- have not worked out self settling at all! - but just wanted to say my nursery were very happy to rock and cuddle to sleep for as long as it took and eventually my eldest daughter used to just lie down with the other children and go to sleep. I worried as well but could have saved myself the anguish

my 9 month old went to nursery i was worried about sleep as i had a particular routine. first time there she only slept 15mins (and had a good sleep in pram on way home, slept fine at night)

the last 2 visits she slept 30-40 mins

your baby will be fine - its the parents that struggle more!!

she still wakes during the night for a feed so we need to consider whether to stop her night feeds and controlled crying or just let her sleep through at her own pace... jury is still out

Try searching for 'LaTristesse' and 'self soothing' in mumsnet talk. There was a good guide there for teaching older babies to self settle, it may be a helpful starting point :).

My DS wasn't able to self settle until he was about 11 months old. I tried leaving him to settle himself before this, but it didn't work as I think he just wasn't ready. When he started nursery I was worried about this, as I didn't think he'd sleep without me to rock/cuddle him (PFB!) but the nursery staff just stroked his back for a few minutes and he dropped off easily. He's now 18 months and reliably settles himself for most naps and at night.

But whatever happens don't worry - the nursery or childminder will have plenty of experience of this!