Has anyone had a 4yo that won't fall asleep in their own bed? Any tips for getting them to?!

[BrightShinySun]

Hi...please help! My 4yo dd has never fallen asleep in her own bed. To begin with she was a terrible sleeper as a baby and the only way to get her to sleep was to let her fall asleep in our arms/on the sofa and then put her in her cot.

We went through a phase of getting her into her cot but then she started waking the moment we put her down. We tried sitting with her and leaving her to cry but she would get hysterical and then one night threw herself over the side of the cot(!) so we put her in a little low bed.

Thats worked since then, we never managed to get her to fall asleep in her own bed but she falls asleep next to us and we put her to bed. She comes in to us in the middle of the night and we don't mind that at all. We kept putting it off because it wasn't really an issue but it's got to a point where we really really need to establish a bedtime routine.

Has anyone been through this with an older child, is it just a case of read a story, leave on night light and keep putting back to bed? Any tips? She will most definately not give in easily and I'm going to do a reward chart but I just wonder if anyone has any advice at all?!

Neither of my dss has been good at settling in their own beds, but we did persist to get some evening time together.

For us, routine was helpful. Bath, then stay upstairs, lights low, story and then snuggle time, before leaving them.

With ds1 we did the reward chart, and that worked, but he always has been a sucker for a bribe. With ds2, we found that 'lights out and no talking' was essential, as he never shuts up, otherwise but then singing/humming quietly to him helped him to settle. We had one tune and would hum that over several times. No variation, no excitement, just a pavlovian association that "Walking in the air" hummed gently during a cuddle, means that its time to go to sleep now.

In fact once he had got the idea, he went off very quickly, so quickly that we tended to still be with him. He's great now. After having a story, he snuggles down, holds our hands and is asleep within seconds!

Both of ours know that they are welcome to come into us in the night if they need to. That hasn't prevented them learning to enjoy their own beds too, though ds1, now 10, has to read to get off to sleep now.

HTH

Thank you, I think we're just going to have to give it a go and see what works for her now. It's been a long time since we last tried and she does fall asleep easily now when we tell her its time to sleep. I think the little tune is a nice idea, I used to hum her to sleep when she was very little, maybe I'll try that?

DS was a bugger for getting to sleep and what eventually worked for us was to tuck him in and say that if he laid quietly and listened to his story tape, we would come back for an extra cuddle in two minutes or whatever. Then go back, cuddle and repeat. Also, tell them that going to sleep isn't vital, but laying quietly, preferably with closed eyes, helps them to rest.

Take her to choose a new duvet cover and a lamp maybe....and one of those princessy canopies...anything appealing to four year olf girl....you don't need to spend a lot, and make it all nice and inviting for her. Put her into bed, have a story - kids love bedtime stories in bed with the lamp on...then insist she stays there.

If you are serious about having her sleep in her own bed, then you kinda have to make them. Every time she gets up, calmly lead her back and tell her she is to sleep there....be kind and gentle but firm. Lather, rinse, repeat....lather, rinse, repeat. She'll get the message sooner or later.

I cba with kids in the bed....they wriggle and take up lots of room and make it unbearably hot. They only come in if they're ill. I cuddle them all lots when they are awake, promise.

By the way - the duvet cover will not entice her to stay in her own bed, but you will at least know she has what she likes, and be reassured that her room is lovely and really, she has little to complain about.

Hmmm thats something to ponder, I will have a think about letting her choose something to make it seem marginally more interesting! Thanks for the idea. I agree it is just going to be a case of putting her back again and again, I'm just hoping it last a week or two not a month or two!!

If you are resolute, but pleasant, it will not take too long. You and hubby have to steel yourselves for a few hard nights...but it will all be worth it. Truly.

Slumber and comfort shall once again be yours. It's great!

Oh and two words:

Fairy lights.

That is an excellent suggestion...that will be my persuader!! Thank you!

with my ds when he was 4 and wouldn't go to sleep on his own I started to lay on his bed with him till he was asleep for a week I did this the I sat on his bed holding his hand for a week then I sat in a chair next to his bed for a week and held his hand the next week I just sat next to him on the chair and each week I moved one more step away from the bed eventually I was in the hallway and then down stairs and know at 6 years old he still goes to bed fine I read him a bed time story sit quietly for 5 mins then give him a kiss good night if not already asleep then come down stairs