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Sleep

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Original poster

Newborn won't settle at all at night

17 replies

neepsntatties · 01/02/2011 04:12

On night 5 of no sleep, can't sleep in day as have 3 year old. Dh won't help as he says I should let her cry. doesn't get cluster feeding at all. She feeds a lot but also gets bad wind so even though she falls asleep she wakes up again in pain I think. I have tried keeping her upright for longer after but doesn't help

She has long naps during the day. Should I wake her up? Had wanted to let her do her own thing but starting to feel unsafe with her at night.

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MrsSnaplegs · 01/02/2011 04:50

Didn't want your post to go unanswered, have you tried gripe water for the wind we found it much better for DS , now 7 wks. When you say won't settle at all do you mean no sleep or just cat naps? Where and how does baby sleep? Could she be cold? My 2 are both the same , have to be almost too warm to sleep. Have you tried swaddling?
Is baby bf or ff? Is she feeding well?

Hope someone else has more advice for you!

MadamDeathstare · 01/02/2011 05:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvaBanana · 01/02/2011 05:06

Hi neepsntatties.

Where is she sleeping? In cot, moses, co-sleeping etc? Have you tried swaddling? I would swaddle my DD and put her in the moses on the bed beside me (too scared to co-sleep as I sleep heavily). I could then shush and pat her while lying down and snoozing on and off. I also sometimes resorted to sleeping in a slightly reclining chair with baby in a front sling with access to breast. I don't know if that is recommended, though (re: safety) so do check - In was desperate by that stage.

Your DH is being a prick, too. It is normal for newborns not to sleep at night and to need to feed lots. He needs to support you in this, or you will get ill.

Have you got any help with the 3 yr old during the day? Where in the country are you? Does she get the 15 hours a week free nursery entitlemtn? if so, might be time to start her off on that so you can catch up on some sleep.

These early days are hard, you poor thing. I am sure they will get better very soon.

AvaBanana · 01/02/2011 05:08

Also agree - it was 6-8 weeks before either of mine had any sort of idea of day and night. That included DS (who was a poor sleeper for years) and DD (who ended up sleeping through very early on).

EvaLongoria · 01/02/2011 05:31

hi neeps.
i agree with the other posters that mine was at least a couple of weeks old before she understood the difference between day and night. i used to make sure that the house was all bright and noisy during the day and at night kept everything to a minimum.
at least then there werent any other kids and i could nap. is your dh at home now he should give you some help and at night you could do some kind of shift. my friend does this and she also has a 3 year old and a now 3 month old.

Original poster

neepsntatties · 01/02/2011 07:10

Thanks, dh doesn't understand the meaning of paternity leave so is still going to uni. He is amazing when he is here except at night. I refuse to leave a new born to cry it out. He disagrees so it's my problem.

She's in a crib by bed. She falls asleep, I hold her up for a bit but wakes after five minutes again. Midwife seeing me today so hope to get advice.

OP posts:

AvaBanana · 01/02/2011 08:37

See what your midwife says. She might have some tips.

It isn't 'your problem' though, you know. No sensible person would leave a newborn baby to cry.

Cosmosis · 01/02/2011 09:02

Have you tried propping the crib up at the head end, that often helps (don't know if you can with a crib though, is it a swingy type one?).

Having said that, mine would only sleep in the bed till about 12 weeks and was only happy in the basket after that.

warthog · 01/02/2011 09:10

i agree - she has day and night mixed up. also agree - your dh is being a bit of an arse. no-one in their right mind would leave a newborn to cry it out. what an awful introduction to the world!!

i would make sure she gets lots of light during the day.

i'd also monitor how long her naps were during the day and after 2 hours maybe take bed-clothes off so she gently wakes up or move her to a different room so the different sounds wake her up.

try that and see how she goes.

also crying after 5 mins - propping the cot up at one end is a good idea in case it's a bit of reflux.

MissRedIndie · 01/02/2011 09:31

I agree with warthog, I would try to limit lengthy day time naps. How long does she nap for in the day?

I tended to wake my dd every 2 or 3 hours for food and try to encourage a bit of 'awake' time if I felt she hadn't had enough of it during the day. Gradually this meant that she started doing more sleeping at night, and we had to do less midnight drives in the car to encourage the sleep!!

Good luck!

Original poster

neepsntatties · 01/02/2011 09:52

Think Dh knows he has been an arse as his first sentence this morning was I will do the hoovering. However he is also still in bed. DD is asleep so he could be up and I could be asleep. Can't be bothered with the agro of saying that to him though. He does his fair share round the house but has this weird issue with sleeping all the time.

She did sleep a bit in the end but was so noisy the whole time she sounded uncomfortable and I had to keep checking her. She doesn't sleep like that during the day, she is peaceful.

I will try and notice how long she is napping for today, not been paying attention as DS needs so much attention right now. She seems to have a wee awake period at the start of the day when I get her dressed etc then she has a nap. A big nap in the afternoon, three hours maybe.

DS calling, back later.

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fifitot · 01/02/2011 11:19

Can you not just keep her up with you until you go to bed. Use a sling as suggested and just keep feeding her.

Lots of winding before you put her down and prop the cot up a bit.

It's still early days and she will settle down I'm sure.

Your DH is crazy to think you can let a newborn CIO! They need the attention and the feeding - does he want her to starve?

Checkmate · 01/02/2011 11:24

Your DH is seriously wrong about this, it is dangerous to leave a newborn to cry. Unfortunately babies do not come pre-programmed, and it often does take time for them to learn day and night. Once they do, it is unusual for it to be in their best interests for them to "sleep through the night", and they have periods awake and feeding.

Is your 3 year old in childcare at all, so you can catch up on some sleep? Or, got to bed as soon as DH comes home, just you and the baby.

Original poster

neepsntatties · 01/02/2011 20:00

My dh has been a total prick all day. He didn't get up until 10:30 and has done fuck all all day except make the tea and try to pick fights with me. Going to bed with baby now so here's hoping for a better night.

Ds goes to playgroup 3 times a week so I can get a bit of rest then at least.

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Checkmate · 02/02/2011 08:29

Oh dear, with DH. Is he not happy about the baby, or got any particularly big stesses in his life (work or money)? Not that this would excuse it, just maybe an explanation.

Do you have anyone else around for support?

Please talk to your midwife or HV about all this, so they can keep an extra eye on you.

Checkmate · 02/02/2011 08:30

Oh, and use time without your Ds to catch up on sleep, not to do housework or laundry. If DH doesn't do it, it will just have to not be done. (apart from minimum that you need for you and DC)

Original poster

neepsntatties · 03/02/2011 16:40

My aunt is not far away. Dh has been better since that day, not sure what that was all about. Anyway still not getting more than an hour and a half for each sleep at night. It's ok if I can get a nap in the day but murder if I don't get a nap like today. This time will pass I suppose.

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