Worth starting with a dummy at 4.5 months?

[Bumperrlicious]

Dd2 is a sleep fighter. If we are at home she will usually go down for a morning nap & if that goes well then the rest of the day is usually ok. If not then I spend the whole day trying to get her to sleep & feed properly. It's getting to the point where I'm cancelling morning activities. If we are out in the car she will sleep till we stop, she takes a lot of coaxing to sleep which isn't possible if we are out.

I'm wondering if it is worth trying a dummy at this stage? I'm just so fed up with my days revolving around getting her to sleep. I also have a 3 year old.

Night times aren't too bad. Erratic & waking two or three times but not usually a problem getting down,except sometimes for the first sleep. Would I be mad to introduce a dummy at this stage? Dd1 was addicted to hers and I seem to remember having to get up to replace it in the night, though dh seems to have blocked this out &the horror of weaning her off it and thinks it is a good idea for dd2.

Um yes I do. He gets more and more distraught and cries and cries. Until you do something to get him to sleep, like a walk or a car drive or rocking and singing etc etc. When he gets like that he won't even think about feeding, he's to upset.

Startingafresh - she screamed blue murder when she did not sleep all day. So I will guess that not sleeping was not good for her. She needed a bit of pointing in the right direction and now that she naps I have a very happy content little baby. babies are just that, they need a little guidance sometimes. A 3 year old might be happy to watch horror films, but you know that is probably not good for them, so you don't let them. Same sort of thing.

of course you are rightstratingafresh. it's the 'and something' that none of us on here with tricksy sleepers can figure out. ergo we must all have defective instincts, despite nearly turning ourselves inside out to keep our children happy and meet their needs

My DS stopped feeding to sleep when he was 10 weeks old. I feed completely on demand and know he isn't hungry. He just can't fall asleep on his own. If he sleeps during the day he is happy, if not he screams and screams for hours. I know what I'd prefer.

Apes carry their babies around don't they? And cavewomen and stuff. That's probably why loads of us on this thread spend our days pacing round with slings trying to get our babies to sleep ...

Bumper, I reckon try it. My DS won't take one, I really wish he would.

Why don't you feed him before he gets distraught?

It just delays it. He feeds, is ok for 10 mins or so then starts screaming again because he's tired. Whereas if I get him to sleep after he's been awake for an hour and a half (which, if I time it right and read his cues correctly I can do with no crying at all) he is happy as larry. Four months of this has enabled me to deduce that he needs sleep during the day in order to be contented.

I do SA, but it doesn't allways work - and I also know he is only feeding to sleep and not feeding for hunger. And also I am going back to work in 2 months, and his CM is not going to feed him to sleep, so we need to work on the other ways and not always rely on it :)

The thing is startingafresh I am following her pattern a lot of the time. I know she is tired as she falls asleep on me. The problem is when I then try and transfer her to the hammock, car seat, bed, other person, whatever, she wakes up. She is completely demand fed so I know she is not hungry. I cannot just sit on the sofa all day so she can sleep to her whims.

Here's today's example. Supposed to be meeting friends at one friend's house, 10-12, pretty much nap time. So I decide that I will leave early, take dh to work & dd1 to nursery in the next town where friend lives. Stopped in at the library where dh works for a feed. Back to car. Falling asleep so the plan was to park a few streets away, pop to the craft shop then walk to friends. Drifting off in car seat so I stuck that on the buggy chassis, walk about 10 mins. Drifting off sloooowly. I'm the shop she is still refusing to sleep so I stick her in the sling and walk 10 mins to friend's house. Still not asleep so after another 10 mins in the sling I take her out for an hour till she is hungry. She then falls asleep on the breast for 15 mins and when I go I try to put her in the car seat and she wakes up.

Drifts off in the car home. Wakes as soon as we are in so now I am trying to feed her then put her down in the hammock. We'll see how that goes.

What could I have done differently except not go out? If we are at home she will sleep 1.5-2 hours so it's not that she doesn't need it. I don't do any of this darkened room stuff either, so it's not that I have made her really inflexible. She just IS inflexible!

A dummy saved my life and my sanity, I was feeding my ds to sleep so is a bit different.

I introduced one at about 5 months and my life has been easier ever since. It did take him a while to learn to replace it at night, but for naps it was and still is awesome.

Bumper, it sounds fine what you did. Why do you have to do things differently? She dozed and fed on and off, you both got through the day etc.?

Sounds like you're having a tough time of it, I would def the dummy a try.

Looks like you've got lots of advice about what you should/shouldn't be doing but you know what its like, by the time you've tried something else dd will have changed her pattern anyway! You sound like you are doing all you can!

You know I really don't know what the big fuss is about dummys, mine uses one to go for a nap with and takes it to bed at night, doesn't wake if she loses it, but it does work at getting her back off if she does stir. She doesn't have it during the day otherwise and so why not try something which soothes her. Having spoken to a dentist about dummy's I now understand that they are preferable to thumb sucking.

Bumperlicious - is it just that she won't really sleep properly when you're out and about? A dummy might not make a blind bit of difference to that - dd1 was like this, absolutely no chance of sleeping well anywhere but her room. She had a dummy until 3 months, when she rejected it, then learned to suck her thumb after that - none of that made any difference. Champion sleeper at home, screamer out of the home, its just how she is. Dd2 came along and freaked me out by falling asleep in the pram/car seat/wherever with barely a murmur. I didn't realise it could be like that!

I just fitted my day round dd1's naps (still do, 3.5 and still has a lunchtime nap). At 4.5months could you put yours down for a short nap earlier - eg 9am-9.30/10, then you can get out for the 10-12 groups or coffee, and home again for a longer nap?

SA I would love to be able to feed my babies to sleep. I am happy for them to sleep in my arms. But only dt1 will feed to sleep and then only if I catch the right moment. dt2 has refused to feed to sleep since about 6 weeks old. they are almost 4 months old and I am at breaking point with spending all day trying to help tired crying babies sleep.

genuine question: if they're not hungry/dirty/cold, and are in my arms, what other unmet needs should I check for? I'm not convinced at all that tired babies can just go to sleep, but would love to be wrong and am prepared to try anything except leaving them alone to cry.

MamaChris - sounds tough, really tough. I honestly don't know how you manage with twins (except as with everything else with children I suppose - you just have to). In answer to your question, my checklist was always:
-hungry (usually that)
-windy (often that)
-over tired or not tired enough (blooming impossible to work out!)
-too hot or cold (almost never that)
-dirty nappy (never bothered my two in the slightest)

But about the holding in the arms - its not necessarily the cure all for all tired children. DD1 hated, absolutely hated, being held when she was tired. She got more and more wound up, until you eventually put her down before it was that or the window (joke), and after a couple of minutes of crying, grizzled herself off to sleep. Once I worked out that she actually preferred to be left alone for a few minutes to go to sleep, she was much happier. DD2 was much more cuddly and even now will go back to sleep in the morning if I cuddle her - DD1 absolutely no chance. All depends on the baby.

Just trying to say that sometimes leaving them to cry for a little while (eg no more than it takes to make a cuppa, and then a bit more if they seem to be crying down rather than up) is no bad thing. I know its a very emotive subject, but just wanted to say that it doesn't mean its not in their interests sometimes.