Naps & PUPD: I'm close to heartbreak, please help...

[LaTristesse]

Hi all,
So I've been using PUPD at bedtime pretty successfully for the past month with DS, 10.5mo (he now just rolls over and drops off, wakes up for milk in the early hours, then straight off until 7 again). But due to pressure from MiL (she's having him when I go back to work in April), I've started using it to get him to sleep in his cot for naps.
Prior to this he's been fed to sleep, and napped in my arms unless we're on the move.

So, I know it takes longer for sleep training to have an effect naps, and I know the book says about 2 weeks for PUPD to work for naps, but I'm on day 4 now and it just seems to be getting worse.
e.g. this morning's nap I started trying to get him off at 9.15, and he has just dropped off now. We took a break after an hour of crying and screaming. I have lots of questions below if you can help me (I think I must be doing something wrong). But I'm also looking for reassurance that this will get better. I'm beside myself because I know I could just give him some milk and cuddle him and it would alleviate all the upset, instead I have to watch him so distressed, it's really hurting me, and DH doesn't understand, I have no other support. Once he's asleep I just break down myself, it's so emotionally wrenching...

So my questions are:

1. Is this normal, will it work eventually (I am committed to it, I'd just like to know it will work in the end). 2)When he's screaming etc, do I continue talking in a low voice over him, or wait until he's quieter before I offer reassurance? 3)When he starts crawling round the cot do I leave him to it or keep laying him flat again? 4)When he's arching his back while he's in my arms, do I lay him straight down, or keep holding him til he's calm?
2. I have no idea what his mantra cry is - other than as a newborn when he did the 'wah wah' thing, his cries don't sound anything like that? So I'm not sure when I should be picking up and when I should be leaving him?

Any help, advice or reassurance you can give me will be very gratefully received. Thanks

I wouldn't bow to pressure from your MIL regarding your DS's naps - why is she making a fuss about it?

If she is that regimented about his naps, I personally would not feel comfortable having my child looked after by her as I would worry that she would be putting him for a nap when he wasn't tired and leaving him to cry it out

With DS, I often rocked him to sleep before his naps AND his bedtime and it certainly hasn't done him any harm

I personally would be going with the flow in the day time and you will find that he will give you sleep cues that you can follow and save yourself all this heartbreak

Also, if he is waking at 7am, I think 9.15am is a little too early for a nap. DS at that age would be waking earlier and be tired for a nap around 11am and most days, he went down without a problem

Of course, there were times when he was overtired and I did need to let him cry it out for a minute or so before he fell asleep, which I hated doing, but I knew he needed sleep desperately

I think you need a chat with your MIL quite frankly...all this stress over dayime naps is not good for you or your DS

Hi there,
Afraid I don't have much useful advice to offer about PU/PD as I tried it but never got anywhere with it. Having said that am pretty sure I didn't give it two weeks as you suggested it might take.

Have you thought about possibly using the buggy to get your DS to nap? I know lots of children at nurserys are pushed for a few mins to get them to nod off. Would take the pressure off of you and also give her security that he has somewhere to sleep whilst also being fairly flexible so she can go out and about if she wants?
Really sorry that you are going through this, naps can seem to take over your life can't they?!
Best of luck with whatever you choose.

DD1 got really, really wound up by PUPD. I think it rather disturbed her. she fared much better when left to cry a bit, and would then nod off after 10mins or so.

Thanks for the reply Pussin..., the MiL is having a say because she's concerned she won't be able to get him to sleep when she looks after him. And I'm bowing to the pressure because if I don't do something about it I'm worried she'll leave him to cry.

I notice his sleep cues (rubbing eyes, pulling ears, yawning, staring etc) and start a brief wind-down straight away (blind down, music on, milk...) and then lay him down, but he doesn't know how to settle himself for naps yet, hence the PUPD.

I agree seeming sleepy only 2+ hours after waking seems to soon, but to be honest he seems sleepy a lot of the time (rubbing eyes a half hour after waking etc), and historically has always needed sleep 3 hours after waking, day or night.

I will talk to the MiL as I do think she needs to do things my way if she's looking after my child, but at the end of the day he will need to sleep when she has him, and I need to teach him how now.

On the up-side the PM nap today went a little easier - only 15 mins of crawling round the cot happily, then asleep after 10 mins of crying. A great improvement. Maybe this is the start of seeing some progress... although I'm not counting any chickens!

im doing shush pat, have been doing it for about 4 days, and have been wondering about how to deal with the crawling round the cot thing too...

but for the putting them down to sleep thing. i know its not convention or according to the PUPD theory, but today ds really wasn't intereted in going to sleep even though i knew he was tired, i spent about 10 minutes trying, and then gave up, took him downstairs for half an hour, then he was tired again and he went to sleep in about 5 minutes. ive read so much about 'stop trying for the nap when yo've tried as long as the nap is supposed to last' but tbh i couldnt have lasted that long and this way made my life so much easier!

i know it risks creating an overtired baby, and the same thing happened at bed time this evening and there was a bit of overtired ness at the second attempt but i think it was much better overall to just try later.

Thanks everyone for the replies and ideas...

Just a little update to say that this afternoon's nap was a vast improvement - I only needed to PUPD 3 times and he rolled over and went to sleep! Maybe all the heartache and tears have been worth it, we may (shhh!) be getting somewhere!

We have been on PUPD for 3 or 4 months. Weirdly, it was working well for night but rubbish for naps. No idea why. DD hit 6 months and it's started to really improve, just like people said it would. I was also desperate for naps to start getting easier as my mum has just started looking after DD 3 days a week and I needn't have worried. DD pretty much goes down for naps on cue for my mum and is getting lots better for me too.

So I'd say stick with it and as long as you're consistent I reckon things will fall into place well before April
x

ps. I second muslimah, a good bit of advice I got from a sleep expert was to abandon a nap after 20mins if the baby's still awake. Do a few quiet activities, change nappy etc and then give it another go 15 mins later.