How can we help 9 year old DS get to sleep?

[mckenzie]

This has been going on for a few weeks now. DS, who has always been a great sleeper (albeit and early riser) has been struggling to get to sleep. We mainly do the usual bath, read, lights out sort of routine but he's been awake for up to 2 hours afterwards and last night, after bath and being in bed by 7.20, me reading to him for about 20 minutes and then lights out, yet he was still awake at about 10pm. He was close to tears, wanting to get to sleep but not being able to.

I've tried spraying a sleep inducing lavender thing on his pillow, watch what he has to eat and drink in the afternoon and evening, we keep him away from computer gadgetry later in the day, we've tried to find out if something is bothering him - all to no avail.

Any suggestions please? He's got quite a bit of homework to do this afternoon and i just know it will end in tears because he must be so tired. He's off playing football just now, getting some fresh air.

TIA

7.20 might be rather too early for a nine year-old. I think my DS (also a great sleeper and early riser) was heading upstairs around 8.00 - 8.30 last year when he was the same age. If he's going to bed still wide awake and lying there wondering/worrying why he's not going to sleep then that's going to keep him awake further. His football outside in the fresh air will definitely help today. Maybe start bathtime an hour later than normal?... Warm milk and a slice of toast beforehand? And what if he read a book to himself quietly after you leave?

DD has trouble sleeping, she is (9yo), needs lights out at about 8:30-9pm (up at 7:30am). No food close to bedtime and lights out that STAY out is our best strategy.

thanks for the replies.
sorry chili, i should have said, that's not the normal time! Usually it is more like 8.30 but because he is so tired, he went up earlier last night, our suggestion but he was happy about it at the time.

I will try the hot milk tonight and as you say, hopefully the football/fresh air will make a difference for tonight. We might all chill out with a film this evening too which might help, as long as homework get's done first. Perhaps we need to calm him down more downstairs too before heading upstairs, perhaps he reads by himself for a bit before we go up while he has milk and toast or similar.

thanks again guys.

I think the main thing is not to stress about it or make a big deal of it. Ironically, one of the biggest reasons for lying awake wondering why you're not asleep yet is..... wondering why you're not asleep yet. :) Just play it normally, even ignore the subject, and see how it goes.

thanks for the replies. I've tried to stay really relaxed tonight. We watched the Got to Dance on Sky together to chill out then went up and read for a bit. Hot milk was rejected after one sip, camomile tea didn't do much better, Too early to tell yet whether tonight is going to be a good night or not but fingers crossed.

A CD player with calm music playing v. quietly in his room - or perhaps a slightly boring story CD.
I've always found it easier to drop off to sleep with the sound of voices murmuring in the background.

thank you for those extra tips. I think perhaps DH not being here this evening and DD going to bed at a reasonable time giving me time to relax with DS has paid off. I haven't heard a peep out of him.

I didn't hear that on R4 Waswondering but I might see if I can listen to it on line. We have the light on quite brightly while we're reading but then i do sit with him and we have a chat with just a side light on for a while. DS does like to have a small dim night light on though which I am forever trying to wean him off but tonight, it doesn't seemed to have mattered.

Piprabbit - thanks for the tip. That will be my next thing to try.

Ds did actually talk about school at bedtime tonight though so I feel certain that is a big part of it. He started a new school in september and although he says he loves it there, the amount of homework is getting him down. It is quite a lot compared to what he was getting before although not insurmountable and certainly not difficult but it's just new to DS and understandably, as a 9 year old boy, he doesn't like doing it .

I gave him a real pep talk tonight about how proud we were of him and all we ever ask is that he does his best (lying through my teeth, of course I want straight As ) and that seemed to please him.

Sorry for that waffle, thanks again for your messages.