Please please please make my 2 yo sleep, can't do this any more

[DitaVonCheese]

DD is 27 months. Until a month or so ago she would nap pretty well as long as I was happy to drive around until she fell asleep and was brilliant at self-settling at night - we'd do dinner-bath-teeth-boob-books-bed then leave her and she'd be asleep in 20 min or so.

Then it all went tits up. She WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP. It's taking 2-3 hours for her to fall asleep at night and I have to be with her or she gets completely hysterical (DH with her at the moment but it's not going well).

Yesterday took her to soft play early doors, had lunch at 11 (!) then drove around for 20 min from 12-12.20 and she was asleep. Slept for two hours. Into bed for books at 7 and asleep by something like 10 pm.

Today were supposed to be swimming but two cocking swimming pools closed Lunch at 11.30, drove from 12-1.30 (apart from 30 min when I had to stop and sleep in the car because I'm so bloody knackered), no nap. Stopped car and put massively awake child in buggy and - unbelievably - no nap. At 4 pm she fell asleep in the car on the way home so had 20 minute nap then uber-early dinner and bath, into bed for books by 6, still awake now.

I quite often fall asleep while I lie with her then wake up feeling groggy and shit. Dinner ends up being 10-11ish, bed at midnight then exhausted all the next day.

Have resorted to half-attempting CC, which I thought we'd never ever do, but is completely pointless as she just becomes hysterical. I have never felt this frustrated and helpless, literally don't know what to do. So close to just slamming the door and leaving her to cry/puke herself to sleep :( :(

She's been on the verge of falling asleep for fricking ever - she'll close her eyes for a few seconds, then they start fluttering/REMing then open up again. It's like she's fighting it with everything she's got/has forgotten how to fall asleep. I do not know what to do.

No one can help us, can they? :(

Someone will come with better advice than me but I can totally sympathise. We went though a hellish 6 weeks or so of this when DD was around the same age. She was kind of dropping the naps but still needing them, having to 'force' a nap and then not sleeping until 10-11pm. We did not deal with it brillianty and the situation just escalated-it was horrid.

Eventually we let her nap when she wanted and when she didn't we had a quiet hour or so sitting reading stories/watching a DVD (or a drive/walk in the buggy). Bed time came forward to 7-8pm and it worked a lot better. I feel your pain, I know it feels like it will never get better but it will!

I meant to say, I read somewhere that their sleep patterns can become disrupted when their little brains are going through certain stages of development - don't know if it's true but even so it helped me to think that there was a reason behind it IYSWIM.

I feel for you. I have a 25 month old who is not sleeping well at the moment.

The one thing I would say is though maybe your dd is ready to give up napping in the day on some days at least.

Up until just before she turned 2 my dd was napping 1 - 2 hours per day and all of a sudden it became impossible to get her to sleep during the day. Nowadays she tends to have a catch up nap every few days.

Put her to bed really late - close to the time she is actually falling alseep for one night this week so that she is so knackered you don't have to do all this mucking about pandering stuff.

To solve this you have GOT to stop being afraid of her not sleeping - it is making you run around like nutters. Don't drive around to get her to sleep, that's crazy.

If you want to know what I mean better, imagine you have a noisy elephant with you all day and night. This elephant is grumpy, hungry and loud and very difficult to cart about. Now imagine that everything you do has to take this elephant into account. Go about putting your DD to bed as if the elephant is there in your family. Hopefully this will teach you how to regain perspective and allow you to stick to a clear practical approach.

Am (lapsed) night nanny by the way, and have 4 DC who have spent over 10 years playing me up between them.

You can and will succeed.

Sorry, meant to add that since dd dropped the daytime napping she falls asleep (on the boob, but thats another thread) almost instantly now at 7.30pm

My problem is getting her to stay asleep and not look for feeds all night.

She needs to drop her nap. It will be a bit hellish at around 4pm for a while but if you can keep her awake until 6.30pm or so then she will probably go to sleep easily.

You can cut back the nap gradually ( I never the patience for that) or cut back to a nap on alternate days (what I did). Eventually the nap will go completely. DS did this at the same age and it was very frustrating.

[meek voice] Molars?

Thank you so much for the replies It's nice just to know someone's listening (and very good to hear it will get better!).

I did wonder about dropping the nap but the fact that she conked out at 4 pm (she really could not keep her eyes open and it was really hard to wake her) made me think she probably did still need it.

Molars are coming through at the moment but she doesn't seem to mention them so I'm assuming they aren't bothering her too much (other ones didn't seem to affect her much either). If I ask if they're hurting then she'll say yes (she says yes to most questions!) and then ask for medicine and keep on asking for medicine every 15 minutes until she falls asleep (she is a junkie).

hobb I think the reason that I am so resentful is that I really feel as though I'm living with that elephant already - every single moment of my day seems to have to involve arguing, calming and cajoling. By this time of night I just need a rest!

On the plus side, she is now asleep and I am no longer sobbing :)

Thank you again.

PS more than happy to feed her to sleep - I was gutted when that stopped working!

Dropping the naps is tough but as BB said if you can keep her going, have dinner that little bit earlier (DD always perks ups for an hour or so after food) or whatever after a few weeks she will adjust and it will get easier.

A glass of wine will also help with the exhaustion (you not DD)

Sadly (or not ) I am with child (I have been eying the wine this evening though ...).

Might try dropping the nap, tend to go out a lot during the day though, then she just falls asleep in the car Also I kind of need the break

Oh poor you that makes it double tough! A nice mug of hot chocolate?

The DVD thing is good though especially having a sneaky doze watching B-movie for the millionth time!

Hot chocolate is a very good idea Thank you :)

Yes - definitely try swapping the nap for a 'rest' on some days at least. If she falls asleep in the car without any extra effort on your part then fine but I'd limit her nap to 1 hour then.
That worked for us when DD was dropping from 2 to 1 naps and I have a horrible feeling we will have to try it again soon as she is being similar (though not as bad) to you daughter at the moment. She's only 19 months though so I was hoping to keep the nap for a while longer.

send dh in car with father and baby. Get a good night's sleep at home. Travel up on your own reasonably early on saturday morning by train/bus.

Your dh gets to spend more time with family. You get to avoid travelling by car at a time of day when you feel the most sick, spend around 12-14 hrs less at your ILs and miss only a couple of hours of your dd's awake time. Win win all round really. Also you can send all your stuff in the car so just need a handbag and book for the trip up on your own.

As of just over a week ago, we have finally got DD (29 months) sleeping better. Going to sleep more easily, and, more importantly, staying asleep in her own bed.

We battled with it for the best part of a year, blaming her teething for most of it.

What has finally cracked it for us is dropping bedtime milk/feeding to sleep. Although she was falling asleep faster that way, her night nappies would end up sopping wet, which we think made her uncomfortable, and then on waking in the night she was unable to settle herself back down. She would then come into our room and usually end up co-sleeping. It got really bad over Christmas, which is why we decided to change things.

I read her a few stories, rub her back a little if needed, but if she is still not asleep by then, I kiss her and say I have to pop downstairs but will be back in a minute. She often cries for a few minutes, then falls asleep. It takes about 30 minutes from her climbing into bed to falling asleep, twice as long as with her milk, but as I said she then stays asleep for the night.

She is asleep by 8.30 each night, not great but okay. The next step is to phase out her daytime naps, as many have advised here.

Good luck!

Thanks :)

Dropped the nap today - out all day (preschool then granny's while I worked) then fed and bathed her at granny's and was asleep in the car on the way home by 6.10 :) Has been a bit unsettled this evening though. Wonder what tomorrow will bring ...

mum295 feeding to sleep stopped working for us at 14 months - was gutted! Also can't do the leaving her for a few minutes thing, she gets hysterical :(

DD used to cry hysterically to the point of making herself retch and be sick. We tackled it by sitting on the stairs and running in to her and saying very firmly "No, stop it" just in the nick of time. We didn't always get there in time, but it seemed to be a phase that lasted a few weeks and she hasn't done it for months now .

Good luck...it's so so hard x

Am late to this conversation but wanted to wish you good luck. It's a tricky period when DCs are dropping their naps but do persevere. During this transition phase do anything you can to ensure she doesn't catnap in the car (or anywhere else) so that she is well and truly shattered by bedtime. Swapping in quiet time (generally quiet play or books with me/childminder) for naps and avoiding car/buggy rides late afternoon worked for us. Out like a light at 7pm!

Thanks again :)

No nap today, went to baby group this morning and swimming this afternoon, so hopefully she's tired (still sounds perky though )

She went through the crying until she pukes thing a while ago - the last couple of times she's tried to do it then I've told her no very firmly and she hasn't so I think she is doing it deliberately/can control it.

She did wake up a few times last night then woke up very perky this morning, which was pretty hellish (how did two dog-loving night owls produce a cat-loving morning person? Recessive genes?! ).

...

Just been up to assist with pjs and cuddles. Fed to sleep within about ten minutes, gone by 6.45 :) Yay :) My boobies ride again Will see how well she sleeps tonight, but so far it seems to be working ...

How'd it go yesterday?

Thursday we had dinner + bath at my mum's again and was asleep shortly after 6 on the way home :) Similar tonight, except we went to see my granny rather than my mum and dinner more or less = biscuits (I did take some spag bol with me but I suspected she was too full of biscuits to eat any so it stayed in my bag). Tonight she didn't even wake up when I put her into bed (last few nights I've had to bf for a few minutes to knock her out again).

I still feel she's been more unsettled at night but DH (who actually co-sleeps with her - I moved to the spare room in order to night wean) says not, so perhaps I'm just waking up more

Some slight issues:

• I feel guilty about the fact she's basically mental with tiredness between 4 and 6 pm
• I feel like I can't drive anywhere between 4 and 6 pm because she'll conk out too early
• continually eating and washing in other people's houses is starting to make me feel like a hobo (I am a bit scared to try the new regime in our own house)

Just wanted to say that DD went through something very similar at 22 months when she was starting to drop her nap. I think it's normal for them to be really unsettled when they are doing this. Now at 2 she has settled into a no nap day, has quiet time from 4 and in bed promptly by 6.30. Still needs DP in there with her but is usually asleep within ten minutes. You may just need to ride it out for a bit - good luck!

Just bite the bullet & do it in your house. Other wise she will get used to the car settling her.

Have you tried gradual withdrawal, instead of CC? That's where you lie with her & move away a little each night, until she doesn't need you. You move away while she is awake so doesn't start to associate you with sleep.

It is tough, I have a 2.6yr old trying to drop her nap & she too is exhausted around 4.30. But we just have to get on with it. If she naps, she doesn't settle until later (bedtime 7.30), sometimes 9/9.30. And constantly pats her bed to tell me she wants me to lie with her! Would love to & do, sometimes, but trying not to get into bad ha habits!

However, I am not pregnant, so it is not as exhausting for me. Good Luck!

Remember, it will pass!

Thanks :)

Did it in the house today as we were home most of the day. Didn't go particularly well - think she was too tired by the time we got to bed tbh - was a lot quicker than 2-3 hours but not as fast as previous nights, and I ended up falling asleep as well (though to be fair I've been struggling to keep my eyes open all day, so not particularly surprising).

She is also now waking at 6 or shortly beforehand amazingly perky - DH (mad) says he doesn't actually mind this but I then get called in to do the early morning feed and am slightly less forgiving I'm wondering if she ought to be going to bed even earlier for a while - she's sleeping just under 12 hours total, which doesn't seem like enough, plus has dropped a 2-3 hour nap but is only going to bed an hour earlier (though going to sleep about three hours earlier I guess!). Think this will involve dinner at about 4.30 but perhaps we should give it a go?