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Sleep

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Original poster

Need to start something positive tonight! Advice/support needed!

18 replies

fifitot · 07/01/2011 10:59

I am on various sleep threads so forgive me if my name keeps cropping up annoyingly.

DS is now 6 months, not yet fully established on solids but am getting there.

He naps well in the day, 3 naps, a long one at lunchtime. I have managed to break the feed to sleep cycle in the day and he will go down with some protest sometimes if I watch for his sleepy signs and put his cot mobile on too.

Bedtime is OK, we have a good routine and he goes down after a BF at around 7, half awake. Sleeps for 3 hours and then the fun starts.

Currently he wakes every 2 hours and wants a full feed (well only 1 side but doesn't just nibble). However I really don't think he can be hungry enough for a 10, 12, 2, 4 and 5.30 feed when he goes up to 4 hours in the day! Starting to think it is pure habit.

I am on my knees to be honest after 6months of less than 4 hours sleep a night. Me and DH are going to start something tonight to try and change things. We have dabbled inconsistently with PU/PD and pat shush but have always caved. We MUST though now do something before I collapse!

Tonight instead of me getting up to feed DS I am going to sleep downstairs and DH will go to him when he cries and attempt to settle him in his cot without a feed. I am dreading it but know something has to change.

Thing is I am happy to do 2 or even 3 feeds per night but don't know how to encourage DS to 'drop' a feed. I think if I feed sometimes and not others he will get confused. Or is this possible?

Anyway - any suggestions welcome to help us through tonight and tomorrow probably but hopefully not too many days after that.

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Liloosmum · 07/01/2011 11:27

Sounds exactly like me and my DD except she's just turned 7 months and I still feed to sleep for the last nap of the day.

This week I have tried not to feed every time and have just picked her up to give her a cuddle. For 2 nights she was fed at 12ish and 4ish and be cuddled at 10ish and 2ish. But then last night she didn't wake until 11.30, so some improvement, but then was awake at 1 and wanted feeding at 2 and 4 and was awake again at 5.30. She then didn't want feeding when she got up and so went from 6ish until nearly 10 without feeding!

I haven't got any helpful suggestions, anything I try seems to work (or at least gives me hope that it will work) for a couple of nights and then we're back to every 2 hours again!

I'd like to try and get my DH to settle her during the night, but she's still in our room and tbh I think he'd make her worse and she'd end up in hysterics and then I'd have to feed her!

Original poster

fifitot · 07/01/2011 11:34

Hmmmm does sound like my LO. In some ways feeding them sometimes and not other times might be a bit confusing for them. It's so hard to know if it's hunger or not though so would be happier just with one feed.

Really scared about how it's going to go tonight! Think I need to warn the neighbours!

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Liloosmum · 07/01/2011 11:46

I suppose it might be confusing for her, but I know she's going to need feeding at some point and 4 hours seems reasonable to me (maybe not to her!)

Some days I just resign myself to the fact that it isn't going to change until she eats a lot more solids or starts moving!

Original poster

fifitot · 07/01/2011 12:30

Like you I would prefer to keep one feeding so I def know he's not hungry. May aim to settle at the 12 and 2 feeds but keep the 4 am. I think that's what I ended up doing with DD but can't remember how I got there!

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Liloosmum · 08/01/2011 10:34

How did you get on last night?

Original poster

fifitot · 08/01/2011 15:09

Thanks for asking!

He usually wakes at 10, 12, 2 and 4 for a feed so I did a dream feed at 9.30 to disrupt the pattern. DH slept in the bedroom and I slept on the sofabed downstairs!

DS woke at 12 and after about 40 mins of crying and DH pat and shush, he went off. However woke at 2 am and cried on and off until 3.30!

I had already decided to do a feed at 4am in case he was genuinely hungry but he had then slept until 5 when he woke so he fed but only from one side so wasn't obviously starving! He then slept until 7.15!

Going to do same tonight. DH is a star to do this actually. I am downstairs and the crying is a nightmare but at least I can doze. DH has the cot pulled up to the bed and his hands through the bars so he can pat the baby. He is totally knackered!

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Liloosmum · 08/01/2011 20:58

2-3.30 sounds really horrible. Like you say, obviously your DS wasn't starving though. I don't think we could do that because we've also got DD#1 to think about who already complains that she gets woken up by DD#2!

Hope you get on okay tonight. It'll be interesting to hear what happens tomorrow.

Original poster

fifitot · 09/01/2011 12:34

Hello again.

Very similar to last night. Settled reasonably quickly at 12 but from 2 ish just cried and whinged til I switched on his mobile and he fell asleep at 3. Woke at 4 for a feed (which am happy with) and then again at 5.30. He's knackered though with all the crying - slept for 2 hours this morning which doesn't usually do.

We are keeping going tonight....it's hell though. He is so tenacious, just doesn't want to give it up it seems!

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HelenLG · 09/01/2011 15:41

DS has started doing something similar, he's 6 months too.

He goes down after milk at about 7.30, up at 11 for more, then sleep til 3.

After 3 all hell seems to break lose, he wont go back down after his feed, and seems to be up every 45 minutes or so until 5.30ish when I normally give in and he has another feed and stays in our bed.

He's tired during the day but wont take naps longer than 45 minutes.

If you've seen other threads I've posted, he has just broken in his first tooth and I was hoping that maybe he might calm down again but last night was just as bad.

It's not even like he's properly awake, he's crying with his eyes closed during the night. But it's not even crying, it's just whinging. He's still in with us cos we're in a 1 bed flat (hoping to move soon) so it's difficult to just leave him when DH has to get some sleep to go to work...

Liloosmum · 10/01/2011 09:30

We had a couple of nights of our DD sleeping until 12ish and then up every 2 hours. Last night it was every 2 hours from 9.30, including a poo at 3.30!

I think we've got to do something different, DH thinks we can't leave her crying! He went into her at 9.30 last night while I was in the bathroom, but instead of sitting her on his knee and patting her back like I do, he was jigging her about and talking to her. Needless to say, she was wide awake and I had to feed her to get her to go back to sleep.

Fifi - I'd love for you to say that it's starting to get better, then I might be able to convince him to do something similar! How's your DH coping?

Original poster

fifitot · 10/01/2011 09:39

Well I think there is some improvement. He still wakes at the usual times but the time it takes to settle is getting less. DH pats him in the cot and doesn't get him out of it.

I just want to break the feed to sleep association and it seems to have worked in the day, just need to keep going at night.

The 12 awakening isn't as quite as long as the 2am one but that is getting less. It was nearly 2 hours the first night! I still feed him at 4 though as I think going from 10-4 is long enough. He doesn't seem overly hungry though suprisingly, just wants one side.

Anyway will keep going and will keep you posted!

Liloo you could tell DH it's not really leaving them to cry. Granted they do cry but there is someone there to pat them and be generally consoling. We don't tend to lift DH out of the cot but some say it's OK to do this and as they settle then put them down again - jigging probably not a good idea though! Or talking!

Helen- know what you are saying about lack of space to do this. Could one of you do the work and one sleep in the living room or whatever. Hopefully it won't take too long and then it's a bit of pain for longer term gain?

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HelenLG · 10/01/2011 10:21

I could suggest DH sleep in the front room, let's be honest I'm not getting any sleep anyway so it's not going to make any difference if I do PUPD, it's just waking DH which bothers me...

Liloosmum · 10/01/2011 11:06

I think because I'm breastfeeding he thinks we should just feed her just in case she's hungry. But I don't think she can be hungry every 2 hours, she goes longer between feeds than that during the day.

I can sometimes get her to go back to sleep just by giving her a cuddle. Sometimes she'll sleep for another 2 hours and sometimes just an hour. If it's just an hour, I think it might be hunger, mightn't it?!

And if she's going to wake me up after an hour I figure I'll get more sleep if I feed her, then at least it will be 2 hours before she wakes again!

HelenLG · 10/01/2011 12:31

I wondered that yesterday liloosmum and ended up feeding DS four times last night. They were all long feeds but it's hard to tell if he's actually eating IYKWIM. At 5 this morning I ended up breaking his latch after an hour and putting him back in his cot, only for him to get up an hour later.

Liloosmum · 10/01/2011 14:01

I always break her latch before that. I try to listen to her swallowing and breathing and when her swallowing has practically stopped I break her latch. I started doing it to try and break the feed to sleep association so she's hopefully a bit awake when I put her down.

HelenLG · 10/01/2011 14:04

TBH, I fell asleep and hadn't realised how long he'd been there.

DS can go to sleep without boob, DH puts him to bed every night...

Liloosmum · 11/01/2011 11:23

I don't think I've ever fallen asleep while feeding. I don't think I'm comfortable enough.

Last night was awful, every 2 hours from 11.30 and then more or less awake from 5.30. Thankfully she slept for an hour and a half this morning so I've had a snooze.

I've told DH that I'm not doing it any more and that we've got to do something different, not sure what yet though!

How are you getting on Fifi?

Original poster

fifitot · 11/01/2011 11:49

Getting better I think. Still doing feed at 10 and still waking at 12, 2 and 4 but will settle with a bit of patting and his cot mobile (which is a noisy bloody thing but I can live with it for now.) Feeding at 10 and 4, he gets up about 6.30.

Think he is teething which isn't great. I would prefer if he didn't wake at all at these times - that's the aim, that he sleeps through them so hopefully he might get the hint soon! Also hoping I can drop the dreamfeed at 10 at some point, we need to get to bed for 9 really and at the moment there is no point if I am awake an hour later. However can't ask for the moon at the moment!

Tell your DH that some progress is being made - like me you need to do something for your own sanity!

BTW - DS has always napped quite well in the day and so have worked on breaking the feed to sleep assoc for naps and put him down when tired. He will do this now and think it helps him at night.

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