3.2 ds needs us with him to sleep

[minimoonumbertwo]

Ds has been mit & miss with sleep for the past month or so, sometimes sleeping through, sometimes waking a couple of times in the night for a cuddle but has generally not taken longer than 5 mins to settle once back in his own bed. in the past week however he has taken nighttime tantrums to a whole new level, will come running into our room and screams like a banshee when I put him back to bed, and is straight out again. He will sleep if he is either in our bed or last night i ended up on the floor in his room so he slept then too.

When asked what's wrong he will say he's scared, it's dark, or just "i want you". He sleeps with the light on in the hall and 3 nights ago I made him an anti monster spray & a reward chart, none of which have had any effect.

I am not sure what to do - sleep on his floor for a few nights then try & leave? Keep putting him back to bed (although he is literally up & out of bed the second he is put back in)? Or hold the door shut while he screams & screams?

He has been ill but is better now, he has had a lot of attention from Daddy over xmas but this started before he went back to work. He also is rubbish at playing on his own, in fact the only thing he will do on his own is watch tv which obv I try to not to do too much of.

Any suggestions? Does anyone have experience of gradual withdrawal from sleeping on the floor or putting back to bed a gazillion times a night??

Sorry, hit & miss.

I would say that sleeping on the floor would be a bit of a 'rod for your own back' move. As would gradual withdwawl if it is not something you have had to do before. Often at this age- they start having fears, but you don't want to compund those fears by acknowledging them to the point that you think he needs to have his nighttime routine stepped up to maxiumum assitance. Also the change in routine over xmas can change little ones sleeps. If I were you I would continue with the monster spray,rewarrd chart ( try for 2 weeks before giving up on reward charts- as it can take a while for them to 'get' the idea)if you have a monitor /and maybe an old camera put that in his room ( don't turn it on) and say that you can hear in his room and see that there are no monsters. So there is no need for him to need to come and tell you as you can see on your magic cameras.Let him have his full bedroom light on for the first 5 minutes and tell him he can have a play in his room as a special treat but NO TV and that in 5 mins the light will be turned off ( so he has a happy experience in his room before ) I would then persist with the rapid return. This is the biggest bore and a huge challenge-as it often seems like you are getting nowhere- but absolute persistance and consistency is key. and not engaging in any conversation. Real fears start getting intermingled with a child learning that a tantrum can lead to a whole new game to pla( even if he is crying throughout- negative attention is better than no attention) so it may be that some night he has been genuinely scared, but then it becomes a habit and a way to get mummy to stay with him. Heart strings will be tugged at, but my advice would be to absolutly NOT resort to letting him into your bed-if you don't want him there. This will soon become a habit and eventually you will have to deal with tears, whether now, or when you decide to evict him from your bed. Good luck.

PS- I would also say that if he keeps getting out of bed- yelling and screaming, make having the door open a privelage- say that if he keeps comming out, then you will have to close the door as he is too loud, but if he stays in his bed then the door can stay open. You may have to shut the door for a minute- so that he can see how much he hates that and give him a choice ' do you want the door open?- if so no screaming'

Thank you so so much containher, I was starting to think rapid return is the way to go. Have you had experience of this? As he is is out of bed the second I get to his door I am not sure how quickly I need to put him back? Straightaway or should I actually leave the room first?

I have LOTS of experience of this- I was a sleep trainer/night nanny/maternity nurse in my life B.C. and have had the same exp with my last daughter, who suddenly started to have fears when she was about 3. Much as it is a total pain and tiring- if he gets out of bed and you have barley left the room I would threaten to close the door, if he doesn't get back into bed quickly- if he refuses, close the door for a minute-to show him you mean it, and ask if he wants the door open ( to which he will say yes) and tell him to get back into to bed and you will leave the door open.( this may have to be repeated until he 'gets it' ) if he waits a moment before comming downstairs then take him straight back to bed- no having a quick cuddle on the sofa or another story or any other procrastination he can dream up-straight back into bed. I would wait until he has made it to the door- as if you put him back to bed, the second he has got out of it, it just becomes to hard for you not lose your cool- and also can be even more entertaining for him, as he has your undivided attention. I would say this is the fastest and in the long run the less stressful for both of you. Depending on who I was working for, I have tried the gradual withdrwal approach- which works for some but for most-just prolongs the agony.

I can't thank you enough - a clear plan! will start tonight with a much more positive attitude. Thank you. ps if it doesn't work please can you come and sort him out for me?!

Good Luck- this will take time, don't expect him to be cured by the end of the week- you may be in for the long haul-It may take HOURS on the first few nights and be prepared to do exactly the same thing if he wakes in the night and you are half asleep and it's 2 in the morning!!! BACK TO HIS BED , no sneaking him in pretending you didn't notice he has tucked himself in bed next to you. ( , even with the toughest jobs I had 4 days was the longest I had sleep trained before Any improvement was shown It took on average 2 weeks for what i would call a total turn around-(some only too 3 days in total) ) Night 2 often looks like an improvement and then a regression on night 3- just keep going. Just keep in you mind what you are dooing, why you are doing it, make sure the other half is on board, warn the neighbours of the noise, make sure you feel absolutley ready to tackle it, as if you give in half way through you will double the time it will take. Let me know how it goes!

containher I hope this message reaches you - I want to thank you so much for your help. Ds's sleep has improved so so much with your plan and I feel human again! Many many many thanks.

So glad you've brought back this thread, you could almost be talking about my DS. Will take some of the advice on board and give it a go.

DC2 is due in 3 weeks so REALLY want to sort this out.

sarah it is so much better - how old is your ds? We now have a rule whereby he can get up no more than twice & he get's a sticker (four stickers for a treat). So that kind of means one nightmare & one wee - any more than that I think is unreasonable (for him & us, of course everyone is different!!!). Some nights he sleeps through, some he might be up once or twice and very occasionally 3 times. I can't remember the last time he was up more than 3.

Good luck with dc2 - you need all the sleep you can get right now!