CC- should I?

[DesperateHousewife20]

I went to the HV today and she basically told me not to co sleep with my ds (6 months) and to put him in his cot awake, fed and leave him to cry, going in every now and again to sooth him.

Im going to try it out tonight, see where it gets us.

Just wondering how many of you did this with your dc at 6ish months and how did it turn out?

i think it is too young

you cannot go from co-sleeping and feeding to putting him in a cot and awake and leaving him to cry

anyway - do you want to stop co-skeeping? you don't have to do want your HV says

he will be very upset

there is a half way point between CC and co-sleeping - it isn't all or nothing

i night weaned my DD at 6.5 months old - reduced the time of each night feed by 1 minute every other night and in 2 weeks she slept from her dream feed to 6.30 am

no tears or upset - she was feeding every 3 hours day and night until that point and i couldn't have gone cold turkey

I would like to stop co sleeping eventually, it doesnt have to be right now but I was thinking the earlier I do it the less likely ds will rely on it.

The thing in ds uses bf to get to sleep, I do try and pull him off before he is completely asleep.

There are much more loving and compassionate ways to improve sleep, please put yourself in your son,s position, going from sleeping with you to being left alone crying in his cot.

Do you actually want to stop co-sleepiing? Is letting him cry in line with your parenting style? If not ignore HV advice

What is it you want to achieve ? Perhaps you could get advice on other approaches

you should do what you feel is right, not what some stranger say. I think cc is cruelty (people do that to babies because they can't talk. These people wouldn't dream of doing the same to a toddler...), but then again i'm a random stranger and you know your baby better.

No I think CC is horrid and I would hate to listen to my son cry but I WOULD like to get him sleeping in his cot so...suggestions are very welcome :)

Sorry have to dash but will try and post this evening with some tips used on two poor sleepers

try the pantley pull off - No Cry Sleep Solution book

try to get him sleeping wihtout the breast in the day and then tackle nights

6 momnths is still so young

if you are determined, then try something like gradual withdrawal where you stay in the room with them until they settle

as DD has got older her sleep has improved too -

Ive just managed to get him to sleep with a dummy and rocking and a bit of shhing in his bouncy chair.

I think 6 months is still quite young too, I know it probably varies but what age is sleep training the only answer?

P.S your DCs are gooorgeous!

dummy, rocking and shushing is fine!

my DD loved bum patting and stroking the bit between her eyes - her eyes would get heavy almost immediately

also a good bath and bed routime - feed, bath and into bed is good - babies like to know what is coming next

(PS - if you were cmplimenting my chidlren, thank you )

I was complimenting your DC's ruby!

I try to do dinner for around 6-6:30, start bath at 6:45 and feed for the night after that. Times always vary.

He goes into a sleeping bag too which Ive done since he was about 2 months so Im sure he associates that with sleep.

I agree with others - I think it is cruel at any age and 6 months is def too young. There is lots of research about how it can affect cortisol levels etc.

Hello Desperate, well done on the shush pat success, whilst am not a wise old owl re sleep training have successfully tackled DS and am now working on DD!

A starting point would be to try and practice getting him off to bed without feeding him to sleep, started this around 7 months with DD, basically what you have done, rock, pat and put down, pick up if crying and resettle again, at first you will probably put him down asleep but soon he will know whats happening and you can put him down drowsy, then move on to more awake when put down and less rocking or just placing hand on him. He might be furious at first cuddle him through this.

It might help if you can get someone else to help with this, my DH was less likely to draw opposition.

Next you could try and think about how to respond when he wakes, ie does he need a feed each time or will a pick up and shush do
If you are serious about 'sleep training' this is the hard part, you need to stick to a plan, ie if he has fed at 2am at 3 am you may feel so knackered you will feed him again rather than pace the room. My DH sometimes settles DD when I don't think she needs a feed

IME the following is 'true'

• sleep training works more effectively the older they are, ie when my son was around 16 months I spent hours by his cot, calmly telling him to lie down its nite nite time.He finally got the message and has slept through nearly every night from 19 months (he is now 2.5)

• both mine improved when daytime naps got better, ie they slept in their cots for longer than 45 mins

• 'self settling' came to my DS when he was older and he could babble himeself to sleep ie he now enjoys the wind down time before sleep, so agree with many approaches stated in books that putting them down awake for naps and night times, improves overall sleep

• Mine still needed feeding in the night passed 6 months, bottle or boob, just not every 2 hours !

Not wishing to open old debates on CC, but IME you need to make sleep/cot/bedroom a postive place. They need to be reassured that you will always repond (however minimal, ie a shush, a hand hold, pat ) to be comfortable enough to sleep on their own

Sorry for waffle, hope it helps

Good luck, have every sympathy with the sleep deprived

Can I just be a pain and say that it is not set in stone that babies over 6 months do not need night feeds? My younger DD certainly did - twice a night, both sides, no comfort sucking just fast, full-on feeding. So co-sleeping mauy yet be more helpful for the time being.

If you do want to night wean then definitely start in the day and do it very gently, CC is awful and there is some startling research around high levels of stress hormone in infancy and problems in later life - Google Penelope Leach. There are so many gentler methods - I used pick up/put down with DD2 when at age 1 the feeds were turning from need into habit (she'd suck until let-down then fall asleep, minx!) - it worked for me within about 4 days with very little stress and only the first night was hard (40+ times picking up and putting down, I kid you not...)

I agree pointythings, both mine needed / need feeding passed 6 months.

LBsmums thanks for your post it was really helpful. Its nice to know they CAN settle down as they get older so makes me think I might carry on with co-sleeping for the time being but your explanation of settling them was really helpful, thank you :)

I did used to feed him to sleep during the day too but what I might do now is use the dummy,shh,pat etc as that seemed to work well yesterday (except when he woke up due to a police siren )

pointythings 40+ times! I have heard that that method can take alot on the first night but 4 days isnt bad (although it probably feels bad!)
I want to breastfeed til a year if I can though so dont want to wean completely and its very useful when they are upset and want comforting.

I'd start with naps rather than the night-time sleep. When he's ready for a nap, put him in his cot, make the room nicely quiet and dark, smile lots, speak softly... then leave. Once he's used to napping in his cot by himself sleeping there at night-time will be no problem for him.

My HV has just told me the same and DS is only 15wks :(

Got to do something though. He hasn't slept for 6 hours and has been screaming for two of those ...

I had success following the baby whisperer techniques - my dd was (and still is a bit) a terrible napper during the day, and I started with her daytime naps. Then, we worked on the overnight sleep. I couldn't bare the thought of CC, but I found the baby whisperer a nice balance - the idea is that the baby learns that you will come to them if you need them if they cry - you sooth them and put them back in bed once their soothed, but before they are asleep in your arms, so they become more secure about going to sleep when you're not there. The first couple of nights, you might be in there every 5 minutes, but after a few nights my dd slept through with no problems and no tears.

It might be worth a try - my dd has slept 12 hours through the night since she was about 6 months old and self-settles in 2 or 3 minutes. Naps are now a bit better, but now she's 14 months, I still use the baby whisperer techniques for nap time, because I would hate for her to think I wouldn't be there for her when she's upset.

Teeny, how old was your dd when you did baby whisperer?

Sorry to hear you are struggling countbapula ( love the name)

Ds was a bugger for naps, would find myself doing anything to get him to sleep, sling, pram ( rockin it back and forth inside the flat if needed) bouncing on bed, rocking, dummy really at that age if they are not inclined to be an easy sleeper that's what you have to do

I had to devout a lot of time to getting him to sleep, worth it though as he was a better boy for having a sleep

Cool the baby whisperer sounds like a less stressful way. It sounds a bit like the pick up put down method.

She was about 4 months when I started, but I wished that I found the book before then. The book does say that often people start it much later when sleep becomes a big problem (and they get a bit too big to be rocked for an hour or more to go to sleep). She didn't sleep through the night immediately, - that was more likely her littleness than the technique, but she did start to go to sleep on her own in 2 or 3 days, and when she woke in the night for a feed, she went off to sleep much more quickly than she did before I started using it.

I've recommended it to everyone who says they have troubling getting their dc to go to sleep. I think it is the same as the pick up put down method, just the book had bit more about recognising crying types and whatnot so you know if their tired / hungry / bored etc cry (which was much more useful to me when my dd was small, wouldn't be so useful to me now).

Thanks LBsmum - that's been my strategy so far. Knackering though, isn't it!

That's interesting Teeny. DS is almost 4 months so might try that, though sounds like I'll need a stiff drink a lot of patience to see it through.

Desperatehousewife - hope things improve for you and sorry about the thread hijack!

I think PUPD is from the baby whisperer - there are 2 books though and it is described in the newer of the 2 (newer one has white cover and the older one is blue).